Life is complicated
Yesterday, we had our appointment at Social Security to determine the kids possible benefits. Yes.. it took THAT long. Apparently, our home office where we are in district is the "small" office, and only has the people that do this in the office every month or two. The bigger offices have them every week, but you can only get into that office if you live within their district. Between me, my mother in law, my aunt in law, all living in different cities.. our home office is still this one, which is crazy to think about. I will say however, there doesn't seem to be a 1/10th of the disconnect in the government employees that I've found in the bigger cities like Chicago or New York.. so maybe they're onto something.
I arrived about a half hour early for my appointment and got in right in time, which was a pleasant surprise. The lady was also very kind as I sat down with my stack of files of anything they might need, as she started the process of benefits. She sat across from her computer with her blue eyes quickly scanning the papers besides the desk. Her hand was seeming to move of its own accord on her keyboard in simple unbroken strokes, as she directed whatever questions she needed. She stopped looking down at her desk for a minute to turn her attention to the screen. She was asking questions about Matt's death and paused while she went to her computer for conformation. She confirmed the city and the county and the day of death. This still throws me when they do this.
I know that he's gone. Really. Sometimes, it still feels like he has pulled this elaborate prank.. That he's not really dead, he just said he is, so he doesn't have to deal with anything he doesn't want to deal with. He lied to me so often over the years, about so many things, this is a natural response. But days like yesterday, when I am sitting in front of a government worker who is confirming with undeniable proof that he's dead, that feeling dissipates. He really is gone.
The worker at first said she didn't think he was getting disability. I know he was, not only based on his twitter, but the fact that his mother would have 100 percent on top of it. There is no way that woman wouldn't have gotten him disability if he had been diagnosed. She looked again at my insistence and found out that he had. Apparently, from his medical records, it looked like they had back dated to make him eligible from July 2014.
I don't know exactly what this means and neither did she. I don't know if July of 2014 was he first went to the doctor for his cancer, or if he went after that and the was the date they had estimated it had gotten out of control. It shouldn't matter but somehow it does. She also asked me if I thought that he had put them on his application or not. I didn't think he would have, which would have made it harder for us, but it turns out that he did. She was able to see how much back child support he owed, which was about 54,000k. I am guessing that they may have garnished his disability based on that and I should ask if that was the case. I was still surprised though to find out that he had them listed.
She told me it will take about a month to get it all rolling. That I need to call with my account number so they can make the payments directly into the bank account.
It's not lost on me that through his death he is finally able to settle his debt and take care of his children. While I am grateful that now he will be able to take care of them, how that is happening makes me a little sad. I am grateful to know that they wont ever have to deal with dad's broken promises or lies, or hearing him bad mouth their mother or pull any of the other stuff he would have pulled. I am grateful that they don't remember some of the stuff he did pull. He can be whoever they need him to be in their mind, while having a strong male role model that loves them as if they were his.
I arrived about a half hour early for my appointment and got in right in time, which was a pleasant surprise. The lady was also very kind as I sat down with my stack of files of anything they might need, as she started the process of benefits. She sat across from her computer with her blue eyes quickly scanning the papers besides the desk. Her hand was seeming to move of its own accord on her keyboard in simple unbroken strokes, as she directed whatever questions she needed. She stopped looking down at her desk for a minute to turn her attention to the screen. She was asking questions about Matt's death and paused while she went to her computer for conformation. She confirmed the city and the county and the day of death. This still throws me when they do this.
I know that he's gone. Really. Sometimes, it still feels like he has pulled this elaborate prank.. That he's not really dead, he just said he is, so he doesn't have to deal with anything he doesn't want to deal with. He lied to me so often over the years, about so many things, this is a natural response. But days like yesterday, when I am sitting in front of a government worker who is confirming with undeniable proof that he's dead, that feeling dissipates. He really is gone.
The worker at first said she didn't think he was getting disability. I know he was, not only based on his twitter, but the fact that his mother would have 100 percent on top of it. There is no way that woman wouldn't have gotten him disability if he had been diagnosed. She looked again at my insistence and found out that he had. Apparently, from his medical records, it looked like they had back dated to make him eligible from July 2014.
I don't know exactly what this means and neither did she. I don't know if July of 2014 was he first went to the doctor for his cancer, or if he went after that and the was the date they had estimated it had gotten out of control. It shouldn't matter but somehow it does. She also asked me if I thought that he had put them on his application or not. I didn't think he would have, which would have made it harder for us, but it turns out that he did. She was able to see how much back child support he owed, which was about 54,000k. I am guessing that they may have garnished his disability based on that and I should ask if that was the case. I was still surprised though to find out that he had them listed.
She told me it will take about a month to get it all rolling. That I need to call with my account number so they can make the payments directly into the bank account.
It's not lost on me that through his death he is finally able to settle his debt and take care of his children. While I am grateful that now he will be able to take care of them, how that is happening makes me a little sad. I am grateful to know that they wont ever have to deal with dad's broken promises or lies, or hearing him bad mouth their mother or pull any of the other stuff he would have pulled. I am grateful that they don't remember some of the stuff he did pull. He can be whoever they need him to be in their mind, while having a strong male role model that loves them as if they were his.