(no subject)
Fallen
into the opal light that singes the why?
Away from your hate, absolving rage, consuming peace.
I never said i found religion, only belief.
Allow hatred as patience
It has been my savior
My last wish
Cold blooded a description for Justice.
...and i just felt like writing, seeing as i get all my stuff done at work by lunch time everyday, i just kind of open up a word pad or office and type away, thought of some weird stories but have been kind of stuck on this Hatred/Vengeance/Stream of conscious poetry. I'm enjoying it as when i write poetry i can invent a character who is experiencing these thoughts. I just wish i got off of two subjects i write about a lot. Mythological battles of Heaven vs. Hell and revenge/rage. I'd like to be more kid friendly for Kennedy's sake, perhaps writing something for her to read or read to her.
She's so close to taking her first steps by herself. She can walk...with bar. We've been working on teaching her Bandit as her next word. She knows Mama, Dada, and Baby. She can crawl faster than i probably can run and really likes to go places that she's not supposed to go to, for example. dog bowls. Thing is, she knows i don't want her going there so she laughs when she see's me coming and just spazzes out and goes as fast as possible, usually tripping herself in the scuttle.
Michelle has been very patient with me and as good to me as ever. I Love her so much and i've been working through some things emotionally that are hard for me to express. Getting molested for years of your life sucks but to have your parents either abandon or take the side of the molester is heart breaking when you finally muster the courage to say something about what happened. It was my brother, or however they consider him, i wish i would of killed him. I was young and i could of gotten away with it, i wish i didn't stop stabbing.
That was dark but i'm glad i wrote it down.
Financially we're doing better than we have, still puzzled sometimes about where the money goes but we are getting a handle on it. Moving into some apartments at the end of september. I'm ecstatic about it as it'll be the first time Me, Michelle, and Kennedy will be living in a space that is just ours. On paper it looks like we can make it comfortably + some, so i feel content with it.
I'm slowly reconnecting with friends again, there was a time where all i did was spend time with Michelle and for anyone that felt like I abandoned them, i apologize. Feel free to message or call me to hang out if you'd like and i can get out.
Now a Dance Dance wrap up. I'm playing more than i have in a while, not nearly as much as i'd like but i can see myself improving again. Beating Big Foot Kevin at RMT8 was a real motivator to me, and going toe to toe with Sterling as well. Sucks that Justin won't stop beating me by one but, he's an extremely tough opponent and fantastic friend, i'm glad i lost to someone as dedicated to the game as he is. Since then, i've personally been able to PA a bit better than i have, i wish it wasn't on a Supernova seeing as the timing still screws me up compared to 8th mix but i've adjusted and Black Flagged/AAA'ed some stuff i never have. My stamina is coming back to a point to where i can warm up with a 10 footer in the set and not completely set myself up for sucking in the next few games. My legs don't tighten up as bad but i'm still not where i was. I've been losing a small amount of weight but it's been noticed by people around me and that's definitely a motivator, my objective is -60 by Christmas, i don't see why i can't do it, just need to stop eating crap.
Thanks for reading if you have.