Birthday Blues
When I was a little girl, my dad was always a total asshole on his birthday. He would come home from work in a pissy mood and often went straight to bed. I resented it as I got older. Since we always tried to do some kind of celebration, and then he would be a dick. And I felt all hurt. Looking back now, I don't know why my mom didn't just leave it alone and trust that if he hated his birthday, we shouldn't try to force a party or a cake on him.
Well, today, I'm feeling like a bit of an asshole. I'm cranky. I'm moody. I don't really want anyone to make a fuss, but at the same time I'm kind of freaked out about being left alone. I'm eating lunch at my desk and feeling a little pathetic about that. But I didn't want anyone to take me out or anything, because I know I'd snap at them and just be cranky.
And my friends are so nice. Everyone goes out of their way to make me feel special and loved and I don't want to be dickhead to these wonderful people that love me. But I just don't have a poker face today. I don't really know why, but I just feel like shit. And I can't pretend otherwise.
Well, today, I'm feeling like a bit of an asshole. I'm cranky. I'm moody. I don't really want anyone to make a fuss, but at the same time I'm kind of freaked out about being left alone. I'm eating lunch at my desk and feeling a little pathetic about that. But I didn't want anyone to take me out or anything, because I know I'd snap at them and just be cranky.
And my friends are so nice. Everyone goes out of their way to make me feel special and loved and I don't want to be dickhead to these wonderful people that love me. But I just don't have a poker face today. I don't really know why, but I just feel like shit. And I can't pretend otherwise.