One. More. Week.
Just one more week to go until I get 10 solid days off in a row. I've not had any holiday since Halloween, and that was only a long weekend in Paris, before that I'd not been off work since Jim's stag do in July/August (I don't remember the date).
My entire life is revolving around working. While my job is fairly well paid, my lack of current enjoyment in every day life is meaning I'm spending too much money on things to make myself happy, and it's all counter productive. I signed up to a gym, but bought two pizza's that same week because I got home from work at 8-9pm and had an hour before needing to go to sleep for the next day, so gorged myself on my favourite food to cheer myself up. Pizzas are fucking expensive though, so I put them on my credit card.. haha..
I've got a constant, unnerving feeling every day, I feel like I could burst into tears and break down at any moment, but also feel a short temperment and just want to explode and smash up everything in sight until my knuckles burst.
I can see plain as day that I'm helping myself (paying £300-400 off my debts per month) and get on the other hand ruining myself by spending money on crap I don't need. If I could just live minimalisticly for 6-8 months it might tip the interest I'm paying on my cards back over into my favour, so each money, when I pay £100, after interest, £60-70 is actually being reduced, not £30-40.
I'm glad I haven't been over to see Stacy yet, she really fucked me around last week, the tone of her text messages changed, she's blanked various texts completely and ignored me for 3 days just gone. I only need to meet up with her in January to get my manga back, then if she fucks me off again I can tell her where to go and be done with it.
I'm going to Paris in 11 days for new years eve with Beccs, a friend from my old job, we've always got on okay, I'd date her in a heart beat, but she's too scatter brained in her life ambitions, she never knows what she wants to do, one minute shes training to be a paramedic, then she sells all her stuff and moves to greece for 4 months before returning pennyless. I admire her drive and ambition, but I think she'd cause vast amounts of heart ache.
I've often sensed something between us but never lunged forward to kiss her, I like her friendship, sparse and fleeting as it sometimes is, but none the less, i'd like her to be a friend for a long time to come, i'd rather not ruin it by having things become awkward if we hooked up and it didn't work.
I've booked another 4 hours on my tattoo for the 21st of January, something to look forward too. Self improvement rather than destruction. Although it is going to cost me £300, it's fairly good value for money I think, as the ink will be there longer than I'll be around.
It's 11pm Sunday, I've not left my room since Friday night except to get food. I think i'll go to bed and try sleep, the faster tomorrow begins the faster it's over.
My entire life is revolving around working. While my job is fairly well paid, my lack of current enjoyment in every day life is meaning I'm spending too much money on things to make myself happy, and it's all counter productive. I signed up to a gym, but bought two pizza's that same week because I got home from work at 8-9pm and had an hour before needing to go to sleep for the next day, so gorged myself on my favourite food to cheer myself up. Pizzas are fucking expensive though, so I put them on my credit card.. haha..
I've got a constant, unnerving feeling every day, I feel like I could burst into tears and break down at any moment, but also feel a short temperment and just want to explode and smash up everything in sight until my knuckles burst.
I can see plain as day that I'm helping myself (paying £300-400 off my debts per month) and get on the other hand ruining myself by spending money on crap I don't need. If I could just live minimalisticly for 6-8 months it might tip the interest I'm paying on my cards back over into my favour, so each money, when I pay £100, after interest, £60-70 is actually being reduced, not £30-40.
I'm glad I haven't been over to see Stacy yet, she really fucked me around last week, the tone of her text messages changed, she's blanked various texts completely and ignored me for 3 days just gone. I only need to meet up with her in January to get my manga back, then if she fucks me off again I can tell her where to go and be done with it.
I'm going to Paris in 11 days for new years eve with Beccs, a friend from my old job, we've always got on okay, I'd date her in a heart beat, but she's too scatter brained in her life ambitions, she never knows what she wants to do, one minute shes training to be a paramedic, then she sells all her stuff and moves to greece for 4 months before returning pennyless. I admire her drive and ambition, but I think she'd cause vast amounts of heart ache.
I've often sensed something between us but never lunged forward to kiss her, I like her friendship, sparse and fleeting as it sometimes is, but none the less, i'd like her to be a friend for a long time to come, i'd rather not ruin it by having things become awkward if we hooked up and it didn't work.
I've booked another 4 hours on my tattoo for the 21st of January, something to look forward too. Self improvement rather than destruction. Although it is going to cost me £300, it's fairly good value for money I think, as the ink will be there longer than I'll be around.
It's 11pm Sunday, I've not left my room since Friday night except to get food. I think i'll go to bed and try sleep, the faster tomorrow begins the faster it's over.