Life Revisited
So, I don't know if anyone actually reads this anymore, considering I don't really think I'm friends with most of the people that used to read it anymore and I haven't posted for real in god knows how long. But I'm killing time in the library and life is happening to me, so I thought I'd document it for once. If you do still read this, could you comment or something just to let me know if it's even worth updating anymore?
Anyway, yep. As I said, life is happening to me. More and more lately I'm realizing that I'm a person. A real, live person. With goals and dreams and a future - none of which will come to fruition without my own work. Last year I was a freshman, with a fresh look at the world, ready to take on anything it had to give me. I lived with a effortless sense of motivation. Take things as they come, and my life will fall into place. But a college freshman is really more of a highschool super senior, in my opinion. I was applying all the rules and tips that I learned in highschool to college. And some, if not most, of them just don't translate. In college you have to learn new rules and tips. Your life is different. You're different. So now this year I'm learning that I have to DO things. I have to get a job to have money to live. I have to research opportunities to fulfill opportunities. I have to BE happy to LIVE happily. It's all falling into place. And at the same time, nothing is falling into place. But I get the feeling that it will never fall into place, and that's ok for now.
I have so much to do. So much. I feel like every week I have a new project I have to deal with. First it was getting settled back into Seattle and classes and a routine. Ok, fine, done. Then it was applying for jobs and interviewing. Ok, fine, done. Now it's accepting jobs and figuring out my schedule. Ok, fine, working on it. Next it will be deciding if I can/want to be a Spanish major, and if not, then what? Then it will be figuring out classes for next quarter, because it seems that at college you're always living in the next quarter, rather than the present one. Then, and this is a big one, I will need to figure out Study Abroad - where, when and how to go. While all of this is not too difficult, and I know I can do it, I feel like I just always have something big looming in my life that I need to "figure out." And when I was thinking about this whole thing, it came to me that this is just the beginning. For the rest of my entire existance this will be the case. So now I'm just hoping that the good will outweigh the bad, because otherwise I can see myself being crushed underneath.
Other than all that and the fact that in less than 3 months I will be freaking 20 years old (HOLY HELL), life is really not too shabby. I have one job for sure at Restoration Hardware, and am pretty surely going to get another working for Jumpstart. I have the interview for that one in 45 minutes, but I think it's pretty much a sure thing. It's a program for early literacy in preschools. I will be paired with a partner child for the entire school year and will help him/her catch up in reading and other literacy-based activities. I'm really excited for that. I think it will be a really good experience. But, since I'll be getting work study for it, I am basically about to start two part-time jobs. While being a full-time student. I'm scared. I'm worried I'm gonna freak out and my psyche is going to reject it all. We'll see. I've always thrived on having way too much to do, so hopefully that's still the case.
In other news, I've been reexamining my past a lot lately, mostly old friendships and relationships. I've been thinking about a lot of people who I considered friends in highschool, but just have not talked to at all since then. And it usually makes me sad. I don't want to lose people in my life completely. I know a lot of these people thought/think I was/am a bitch and that I hated them or something, but that's not true. I really miss some of you. A lot more than you probably realize. So if you're reading this and you haven't actually talked to me or kept in contact with me in a long time, say hi. Just comment or myspace me or something and tell me what you're doing with your life because I really am interested. You're important to me.
Ok, I really don't think I can say much more right now. We'll see if I keep this updating thing up. Who knows. For now, I'll just say thanks for reading this, if you did, and I really hope to be hearing from you all soon.
Anyway, yep. As I said, life is happening to me. More and more lately I'm realizing that I'm a person. A real, live person. With goals and dreams and a future - none of which will come to fruition without my own work. Last year I was a freshman, with a fresh look at the world, ready to take on anything it had to give me. I lived with a effortless sense of motivation. Take things as they come, and my life will fall into place. But a college freshman is really more of a highschool super senior, in my opinion. I was applying all the rules and tips that I learned in highschool to college. And some, if not most, of them just don't translate. In college you have to learn new rules and tips. Your life is different. You're different. So now this year I'm learning that I have to DO things. I have to get a job to have money to live. I have to research opportunities to fulfill opportunities. I have to BE happy to LIVE happily. It's all falling into place. And at the same time, nothing is falling into place. But I get the feeling that it will never fall into place, and that's ok for now.
I have so much to do. So much. I feel like every week I have a new project I have to deal with. First it was getting settled back into Seattle and classes and a routine. Ok, fine, done. Then it was applying for jobs and interviewing. Ok, fine, done. Now it's accepting jobs and figuring out my schedule. Ok, fine, working on it. Next it will be deciding if I can/want to be a Spanish major, and if not, then what? Then it will be figuring out classes for next quarter, because it seems that at college you're always living in the next quarter, rather than the present one. Then, and this is a big one, I will need to figure out Study Abroad - where, when and how to go. While all of this is not too difficult, and I know I can do it, I feel like I just always have something big looming in my life that I need to "figure out." And when I was thinking about this whole thing, it came to me that this is just the beginning. For the rest of my entire existance this will be the case. So now I'm just hoping that the good will outweigh the bad, because otherwise I can see myself being crushed underneath.
Other than all that and the fact that in less than 3 months I will be freaking 20 years old (HOLY HELL), life is really not too shabby. I have one job for sure at Restoration Hardware, and am pretty surely going to get another working for Jumpstart. I have the interview for that one in 45 minutes, but I think it's pretty much a sure thing. It's a program for early literacy in preschools. I will be paired with a partner child for the entire school year and will help him/her catch up in reading and other literacy-based activities. I'm really excited for that. I think it will be a really good experience. But, since I'll be getting work study for it, I am basically about to start two part-time jobs. While being a full-time student. I'm scared. I'm worried I'm gonna freak out and my psyche is going to reject it all. We'll see. I've always thrived on having way too much to do, so hopefully that's still the case.
In other news, I've been reexamining my past a lot lately, mostly old friendships and relationships. I've been thinking about a lot of people who I considered friends in highschool, but just have not talked to at all since then. And it usually makes me sad. I don't want to lose people in my life completely. I know a lot of these people thought/think I was/am a bitch and that I hated them or something, but that's not true. I really miss some of you. A lot more than you probably realize. So if you're reading this and you haven't actually talked to me or kept in contact with me in a long time, say hi. Just comment or myspace me or something and tell me what you're doing with your life because I really am interested. You're important to me.
Ok, I really don't think I can say much more right now. We'll see if I keep this updating thing up. Who knows. For now, I'll just say thanks for reading this, if you did, and I really hope to be hearing from you all soon.