Democracy
de·moc·ra·cy (dĭ-mŏk'rə-sē)
-noun, plural -cies.
1. government by the people; a form of government in which the supreme power is vested in the people and exercised directly by them or by their elected agents under a free electoral system.
2. a state having such a form of government: The United States and Canada are democracies.
3. a state of society characterized by formal equality of rights and privileges.
4. political or social equality; democratic spirit.
5. the common people of a community as distinguished from any privileged class; the common people with respect to their political power.
Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, and let's see, wrong. I'm not even exactly sure if that's how you pronounce it. Especially if you're pronouncing it the American way, when it is, of course, supposed to be pronounced the way I speak it to you now. As in the right way. We invented English, why can't you uncivilised lot learn that already? Doesn't it hurt you yanks to be wrong every time your bile spewing mouth makes a sound? (The answer to that is no, but it's not because it doesn't hurt, it's because all your nerves are deadened through a long lifetime tolerance to it. Like how being constantly bombarded with knife stabbings eventually give you an immunity to knife stabbings. ...Because you're dead. Or like AIG. Being completely shit at their jobs that they became immune to consequence, unlike Layman Brothers, those poor, sad, and yet slightly competent bastards.) It's the Queen's English. And that English might be high pitched and dead annoying to hear every Christmas or any other time she makes a speech, but you all better learn to suck it up and speak it. Learn what it's like to feel. It's a wonderful world.
Well, actually, no, it's complete rubbish right now, so maybe... maybe you should wait a bit.
Now I don't know where Oxford is getting this unadulterated bullshit, but they're certainly not reading from my dictionary, or indeed, from the People's dictionary. Which isn't surprising, since Oxford is a dump. They probably can't afford a copy or win one in the rowing tournaments against Cambridge. Every year, first across the finish line, they get a good, proper dictionary, with all the right definitions. Suck on that, Oxford. Or should I say "Noun, also called Oxford shoe; a low shoe laced over instep"?
Correct me if I'm wrong on this, by which I mean... don't correct me at all, but democracy isn't so much a form of government, as much as it is a tea party. And not only that, it's more like a tea party with really bad tea that everyone's afraid to tell the host is like drinking the urine of a AIDS harbouring bull, and so keeps drinking it or pouring it surreptitiously into nearby plants, which immediately wilt and start creating violent civil wars with itself. America is one up on Britain in this respect, because at least your President has the bare-faced balls and no reservations in telling the host where exactly he can shove his tea in, of course, the most eloquent way possible, and then following it up by ruthlessly invading the living room and shooting the grandfather of democracy who's been sleeping soundly in his favourite chair in the leg, which lost its function in a long forgotten war no one cares about, then claiming that mission was accomplished and then finally proceeding to spend the next century trying to get out of that living room as the FBI come crashing in through the window, killing everybody.
Were there two democracies there? Yes. But you cannot argue with numbers.
If you still don't get it, let me break this down slowly for you. Now I don't have giant dominoes for effective metaphors, a cartoon, or sheets of paper to put on my grandmother's coffee table, but try to keep up, it's not that hard.
1. government by the people; a form of government in which the supreme power is vested in the people and exercised directly by them or by their elected agents under a free electoral system.
Reason why this is wrong: This is basically saying that the people choose the government and who runs them. That isn't true. People don't choose the government, the government does. Why? Because they're the ones in charge, not you stupid idiots. (And in Britain, the people don't choose the government because the Department does.) And we all know that those heartless bastards are not people. The closest anyone gets to being a person is probably a super delegate, and as Hillary Clinton once said, those are all that matter. She might have said before that the super delegates didn't matter as long as the people voted for her, but the point is, she said it. And she stuck by it. Until she lost.
Besides, it's not really choosing, it's more like... trying the lottery. Scratch the ticket. Go on. Scratch it. Here, you can have my penny, but I want that back. If we're all going to hell here, then the bottoms of couches are going to be gold mines soon.
Now, if you win, you get... a stable economy, a quick, efficient withdrawal from the Middle East, and a President that doesn't make you want to physically slam your face into a brick wall every time you turn on the television.
C'mon... Grape... Grape... just one more... Ah, damnit. Cabbage. But... I've still won something. It's just not a very good something. Looks like we're going to financial Armageddon and America has called shotgun. And you get a hilarious and embarrassing President for eight, agonising years. Congratulations!
The point is, we don't know whether the next President is going to be competent or not unless we see that President in action. And until you stop slamming hate campaigns against each other, calling the other out on a piece of broccoli they might have eaten that might have been on one of the planes that bombed Pearl Harbour in World War II to give one of these candidates a day in the White House to see what they do, we're going to get no where. And this isn't a bad idea, you could have scoreboards. Brilliant exit strategy for Iraq, ten points. Coffee stains on your tie, minus two. No flag pin, minus twenty.
It's the perfect testing ground.
And really. Why would they give the people supreme power? It's like giving a child, not only a tambourine, but a tambourine with a nuclear warhead attached to it.
2. a state having such a form of government: The United States and Canada are democracies.
Wrong again. Why? Because United States is now, as clearly stated by all the biggest news channels except for FOX news, who are probably living in their own form of xenophobic, hypocritical mentally debilitating Narnia by now, a communism. Look out America, you might be headed for another Cold War, this time, with yourself. Maybe this time you'll spend less time er... 'finding out' that tomatoes can cause cancer, and more time actually trying to cure cancer. Before those bastards over at America get there first.
And besides, as I've said, democracy doesn't exist. Therefore no state, country, or anything at all can be a democracy, therefore the second definition is void.
Besides, Canada? What, do the moose vote? In between getting shot by Sarah Palin? I don't think so.
3. a state of society characterized by formal equality of rights and privileges.
I... think this means that if you're xenophobic or sexist, you are therefore not a democracy and are thus a terrorist.
... All right, you can have this one.
4. political or social equality; democratic spirit.
Whoa, then United States is not looking very democratic right now. I guess the news was right. As they always are.
5. the common people of a community as distinguished from any privileged class; the common people with respect to their political power.
Oh, ho. 'Privileged'. Don't make me laugh. 'Respect'. What are these words? You don't use those in politics. What common people do is band together and set things on fire. They're a mob. That's what they do. Unless their privilege involves looting a store in the middle of a flood, and their respect means punching an old man in the face, this is not exactly a privileged or respectful community.
See, this is why Britain is so nice. To the people who aren't running the country, it seems like they're choosing their leader by either going to the ballot box and voting, or sitting in their couches complaining about how gas prices have gone up again. But in reality, its either the media or us who chooses who the Prime Minister is. The bad thing is... the media usually wins. We told them not to go with the rubber ducky, but... they just went wild. Now Alfred the Yellow Rubber Ducky is Prime Minister of Britain. Yes, thank you media.
So to bring this... whatever this is to an explosive and potentially harmful close, I guess what I'm trying to say is... democracy doesn't exist, and if it does, it is absolutely horrible at trying to be itself.
I don't know what the Greeks were thinking with this one. Probably orgies.
Victor Gooch
The Department
1365 words
-noun, plural -cies.
1. government by the people; a form of government in which the supreme power is vested in the people and exercised directly by them or by their elected agents under a free electoral system.
2. a state having such a form of government: The United States and Canada are democracies.
3. a state of society characterized by formal equality of rights and privileges.
4. political or social equality; democratic spirit.
5. the common people of a community as distinguished from any privileged class; the common people with respect to their political power.
Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, and let's see, wrong. I'm not even exactly sure if that's how you pronounce it. Especially if you're pronouncing it the American way, when it is, of course, supposed to be pronounced the way I speak it to you now. As in the right way. We invented English, why can't you uncivilised lot learn that already? Doesn't it hurt you yanks to be wrong every time your bile spewing mouth makes a sound? (The answer to that is no, but it's not because it doesn't hurt, it's because all your nerves are deadened through a long lifetime tolerance to it. Like how being constantly bombarded with knife stabbings eventually give you an immunity to knife stabbings. ...Because you're dead. Or like AIG. Being completely shit at their jobs that they became immune to consequence, unlike Layman Brothers, those poor, sad, and yet slightly competent bastards.) It's the Queen's English. And that English might be high pitched and dead annoying to hear every Christmas or any other time she makes a speech, but you all better learn to suck it up and speak it. Learn what it's like to feel. It's a wonderful world.
Well, actually, no, it's complete rubbish right now, so maybe... maybe you should wait a bit.
Now I don't know where Oxford is getting this unadulterated bullshit, but they're certainly not reading from my dictionary, or indeed, from the People's dictionary. Which isn't surprising, since Oxford is a dump. They probably can't afford a copy or win one in the rowing tournaments against Cambridge. Every year, first across the finish line, they get a good, proper dictionary, with all the right definitions. Suck on that, Oxford. Or should I say "Noun, also called Oxford shoe; a low shoe laced over instep"?
Correct me if I'm wrong on this, by which I mean... don't correct me at all, but democracy isn't so much a form of government, as much as it is a tea party. And not only that, it's more like a tea party with really bad tea that everyone's afraid to tell the host is like drinking the urine of a AIDS harbouring bull, and so keeps drinking it or pouring it surreptitiously into nearby plants, which immediately wilt and start creating violent civil wars with itself. America is one up on Britain in this respect, because at least your President has the bare-faced balls and no reservations in telling the host where exactly he can shove his tea in, of course, the most eloquent way possible, and then following it up by ruthlessly invading the living room and shooting the grandfather of democracy who's been sleeping soundly in his favourite chair in the leg, which lost its function in a long forgotten war no one cares about, then claiming that mission was accomplished and then finally proceeding to spend the next century trying to get out of that living room as the FBI come crashing in through the window, killing everybody.
Were there two democracies there? Yes. But you cannot argue with numbers.
If you still don't get it, let me break this down slowly for you. Now I don't have giant dominoes for effective metaphors, a cartoon, or sheets of paper to put on my grandmother's coffee table, but try to keep up, it's not that hard.
1. government by the people; a form of government in which the supreme power is vested in the people and exercised directly by them or by their elected agents under a free electoral system.
Reason why this is wrong: This is basically saying that the people choose the government and who runs them. That isn't true. People don't choose the government, the government does. Why? Because they're the ones in charge, not you stupid idiots. (And in Britain, the people don't choose the government because the Department does.) And we all know that those heartless bastards are not people. The closest anyone gets to being a person is probably a super delegate, and as Hillary Clinton once said, those are all that matter. She might have said before that the super delegates didn't matter as long as the people voted for her, but the point is, she said it. And she stuck by it. Until she lost.
Besides, it's not really choosing, it's more like... trying the lottery. Scratch the ticket. Go on. Scratch it. Here, you can have my penny, but I want that back. If we're all going to hell here, then the bottoms of couches are going to be gold mines soon.
Now, if you win, you get... a stable economy, a quick, efficient withdrawal from the Middle East, and a President that doesn't make you want to physically slam your face into a brick wall every time you turn on the television.
C'mon... Grape... Grape... just one more... Ah, damnit. Cabbage. But... I've still won something. It's just not a very good something. Looks like we're going to financial Armageddon and America has called shotgun. And you get a hilarious and embarrassing President for eight, agonising years. Congratulations!
The point is, we don't know whether the next President is going to be competent or not unless we see that President in action. And until you stop slamming hate campaigns against each other, calling the other out on a piece of broccoli they might have eaten that might have been on one of the planes that bombed Pearl Harbour in World War II to give one of these candidates a day in the White House to see what they do, we're going to get no where. And this isn't a bad idea, you could have scoreboards. Brilliant exit strategy for Iraq, ten points. Coffee stains on your tie, minus two. No flag pin, minus twenty.
It's the perfect testing ground.
And really. Why would they give the people supreme power? It's like giving a child, not only a tambourine, but a tambourine with a nuclear warhead attached to it.
2. a state having such a form of government: The United States and Canada are democracies.
Wrong again. Why? Because United States is now, as clearly stated by all the biggest news channels except for FOX news, who are probably living in their own form of xenophobic, hypocritical mentally debilitating Narnia by now, a communism. Look out America, you might be headed for another Cold War, this time, with yourself. Maybe this time you'll spend less time er... 'finding out' that tomatoes can cause cancer, and more time actually trying to cure cancer. Before those bastards over at America get there first.
And besides, as I've said, democracy doesn't exist. Therefore no state, country, or anything at all can be a democracy, therefore the second definition is void.
Besides, Canada? What, do the moose vote? In between getting shot by Sarah Palin? I don't think so.
3. a state of society characterized by formal equality of rights and privileges.
I... think this means that if you're xenophobic or sexist, you are therefore not a democracy and are thus a terrorist.
... All right, you can have this one.
4. political or social equality; democratic spirit.
Whoa, then United States is not looking very democratic right now. I guess the news was right. As they always are.
5. the common people of a community as distinguished from any privileged class; the common people with respect to their political power.
Oh, ho. 'Privileged'. Don't make me laugh. 'Respect'. What are these words? You don't use those in politics. What common people do is band together and set things on fire. They're a mob. That's what they do. Unless their privilege involves looting a store in the middle of a flood, and their respect means punching an old man in the face, this is not exactly a privileged or respectful community.
See, this is why Britain is so nice. To the people who aren't running the country, it seems like they're choosing their leader by either going to the ballot box and voting, or sitting in their couches complaining about how gas prices have gone up again. But in reality, its either the media or us who chooses who the Prime Minister is. The bad thing is... the media usually wins. We told them not to go with the rubber ducky, but... they just went wild. Now Alfred the Yellow Rubber Ducky is Prime Minister of Britain. Yes, thank you media.
So to bring this... whatever this is to an explosive and potentially harmful close, I guess what I'm trying to say is... democracy doesn't exist, and if it does, it is absolutely horrible at trying to be itself.
I don't know what the Greeks were thinking with this one. Probably orgies.
Victor Gooch
The Department
1365 words