Read at your own risk. Its reeeally long...
Wow, its been an up-down day. I can't think of any other way to put it. Lately, I've been so over tired and stressed out about EVERYTHING that I've just been falling apart at the seems. That is not a happy feeling at all. I'm more than a little upset about college, my father and I just keep getting more and more distant/hostile, school is not ending quickly enough, and this whole "relationship" fiasco has me quite confused. Roll it all together and add sleep deprevation to the mix and what do you get? Voila! One very sad/tired/confused/angry eighteen year old girl. The whole thing just makes me feel like I have no control over my life, and I hate this feeling of helplessness. I am trying really hard to get over it, and I know that eventually I will. I always do.
My day:
5:30am - Alarm goes off. I'm hit by an overwhelming sense of the "I don't want to go to school today" blues, and decide that there is no harm in staying in bed five more minutes.
7:20am - I realize that my "five more minutes" has turned into nearly 2 hours, and I half heartedly attempt to convince my mother that sleeping in is a good enough excuse to not go to school. Yeah... that didn't go over so well.
7:55am - I walk in late to American Lit and sit through the entire Emerson discussion about nature and the younger vs. older generation dilema, thinking about how much I would rather be sitting outside than sitting in a desk.
After 1st hour - I forget to tell Mrs. Martinez that I won't be in class tomorrow because I will be taking a placement test at Waubonsee (oh joy) so I had to follow her into the hallway. I was JUST going to say, "I won't be in class tomorrow," I swear! Then, she had to be the "concerned teacher" and all... asking me point blank why such a "bright child" is failing her class. Yeah. (Did I mention that I'm failing that class? Mostly because of the first two tests that I have zeros on at the moment simply because I've never made them up after being sick.) She's worried about me, apparently. I didn't quite know what to say, so I said the same thing I've said to everyone else who asks. "This isn't me. I've had a lot on my mind this year, and its caused me to lose complete control of a few things. I'm sorry that I'm in this class this year. Any other year I would have been able to appreciate it much more." Which is entirely true, and I thought that was that. HA! Shows how much I know. So, she decides that she wants to talk to me. Durring passing period. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HALLWAY. Both Sammi and Sean passed us, and both asked me later what was up. Well, Mrs. Martinez wants to "understand" what it is I'm going through. She also told me that my guidance counselor has apparently talked to all of my teachers, too. Mrs. Quinn has called me down to her office multiple times to "check" on me, because of course she has my academic history on file. According to her, when a student goes from having a 4.2gpa, rank: 28, to having a 4.0gpa, rank: 35, to... failing multiple classes... all in one year... its time to look into the reasons. Well, now at least I get why my history teacher is being so forgiving when I turn 2 projects in a row in 2 days late... Still. It kind of bothers me. This is MY problem, not theirs. I've already looked at the grades. I can pull B's in most of the classes if I actually DO the work I'm missing. Which I will. Eventually. The best (and by best I mean WORST) part of that entire conversation with Mrs. M was when my beloved uncle walked by in the middle of it and wanted to know why I was so upset. So, after a 20 minute conversation with her, I had to go hunt him down and explain, because I know otherwise he would ask his brother later, and I reeeeeally don't want to think about what would happen if my dad found out that I'm falling apart in school hallways. Dave is great... sometimes... but he's also very (whats a good word?) simplistic. To him, everything has a simple, clean cut answer. Life doesn't work that way, Uncle Dave. He realized that grilling me about college (why are you going to WCC? You could do better. Just get student loans. Move to WI. Etc, etc.) was getting him nowhere, so pulling a classic Zine move... he just changed the subect. "Katie and Amy are riding bikes. So cute. Oh, and do you know so-and-so from the golf team?" *Sigh* No, but I know Erica and her boyfriend. Then he proceeded to tell me the story behind the "Erica" rule. (No boyfriends allowed.) I must admit, I laughed. I also rolled my eyes at how easily he managed to steer the covo away from the uncomfortable areas. Its a Zine talent, I swear.
After 2nd - Jackie came up behind me and gave me a hug. Rich tried to give me a hug, too, and he smashed his head into my locker... then fell on the floor. That was the first high point of my day. :) Twas quite funny. I don't know what to think about him. One second he's barely acknowledging my existance, the next he's hugging me for no reason. I swear, he makes no sense. Then again, neither do I. So. Rich... Rich is Rich. That's about all that can be said. I really like being around him MOST of the time. I mean, he's funny and friendly and a good guy (for the most part.) But then sometimes he comes off as the most self centered jerk I know! Gah. Anyway, I've decided that ex-boyfriends are far too stressful. I don't think I want any more of them. Lol. (OMG, I'm going to die an old maid. Somebody slap me.)
4th period - Jose Mendietta fell asleep in Spanish today. Funniest thing EVER. We are reading this book, El Beso de la Mujer Arana (The Kiss of the Spider Woman) and everyone was silent reading. There are only 13 of us, and the book is really interesting so the room was literally SILENT. Then... I hear this noise behind me, and I look up and Grace is just staring over in my general direction, smiling. At first I thought she was looking at me, then I turned around and there's Jose, sound asleep sitting up, snoring. It got louder and pretty soon all 13 of us were looking at him, debating whether or not we should wake him up. We were all trying really hard not to laugh, and finally someone coughed loudly on purpose, and he woke up with a start. Again, we tried reeeeally hard not to laugh, but it was so hard to keep a straight face, and eventually we all laughed histerically. Then and only then, Mr. Espana looked up from his book and asked what was so funny. No one would tell him, it was too hillarious.
Lunch - My "lil bro" Derek bought me lunch today because I wasn't eating. Its scary how much he reminds me of my actual little brother.
6th period Mr. Stern yelled at me for kicking Jeff's shoe. Not for kicking Jeff... but for kicking his shoe... lol, I like Mr. Stern.
Home - I'm in the door for all of 2 mins and I already get yelled at about something entirely stupid and pointless. I LOVE that. Not.
Then, the best part of my day. I took a shower, which helped me feel more awake, and then I actually did something productive. I read the assigned reading for the week in the book for Spanish. And... I actually enjoyed it! After that, I took a nap. I can't even explain how tired I was. THEN I busted out the sketch book and drew an image from the story. I did it for me, because I wanted to, but the best part is that I have the "Artist" role in the lit circles, so now I have Monday's homework done for Spanish. Hell yes. I feel pretty good right now, which is a pleasant change from the rest of the week, so far. I kinda forgot to eat dinner... so I think I might go do that, now.
*Looks back at entire entry* Wow. Another damn good example of Leah rambling on...
My day:
5:30am - Alarm goes off. I'm hit by an overwhelming sense of the "I don't want to go to school today" blues, and decide that there is no harm in staying in bed five more minutes.
7:20am - I realize that my "five more minutes" has turned into nearly 2 hours, and I half heartedly attempt to convince my mother that sleeping in is a good enough excuse to not go to school. Yeah... that didn't go over so well.
7:55am - I walk in late to American Lit and sit through the entire Emerson discussion about nature and the younger vs. older generation dilema, thinking about how much I would rather be sitting outside than sitting in a desk.
After 1st hour - I forget to tell Mrs. Martinez that I won't be in class tomorrow because I will be taking a placement test at Waubonsee (oh joy) so I had to follow her into the hallway. I was JUST going to say, "I won't be in class tomorrow," I swear! Then, she had to be the "concerned teacher" and all... asking me point blank why such a "bright child" is failing her class. Yeah. (Did I mention that I'm failing that class? Mostly because of the first two tests that I have zeros on at the moment simply because I've never made them up after being sick.) She's worried about me, apparently. I didn't quite know what to say, so I said the same thing I've said to everyone else who asks. "This isn't me. I've had a lot on my mind this year, and its caused me to lose complete control of a few things. I'm sorry that I'm in this class this year. Any other year I would have been able to appreciate it much more." Which is entirely true, and I thought that was that. HA! Shows how much I know. So, she decides that she wants to talk to me. Durring passing period. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HALLWAY. Both Sammi and Sean passed us, and both asked me later what was up. Well, Mrs. Martinez wants to "understand" what it is I'm going through. She also told me that my guidance counselor has apparently talked to all of my teachers, too. Mrs. Quinn has called me down to her office multiple times to "check" on me, because of course she has my academic history on file. According to her, when a student goes from having a 4.2gpa, rank: 28, to having a 4.0gpa, rank: 35, to... failing multiple classes... all in one year... its time to look into the reasons. Well, now at least I get why my history teacher is being so forgiving when I turn 2 projects in a row in 2 days late... Still. It kind of bothers me. This is MY problem, not theirs. I've already looked at the grades. I can pull B's in most of the classes if I actually DO the work I'm missing. Which I will. Eventually. The best (and by best I mean WORST) part of that entire conversation with Mrs. M was when my beloved uncle walked by in the middle of it and wanted to know why I was so upset. So, after a 20 minute conversation with her, I had to go hunt him down and explain, because I know otherwise he would ask his brother later, and I reeeeeally don't want to think about what would happen if my dad found out that I'm falling apart in school hallways. Dave is great... sometimes... but he's also very (whats a good word?) simplistic. To him, everything has a simple, clean cut answer. Life doesn't work that way, Uncle Dave. He realized that grilling me about college (why are you going to WCC? You could do better. Just get student loans. Move to WI. Etc, etc.) was getting him nowhere, so pulling a classic Zine move... he just changed the subect. "Katie and Amy are riding bikes. So cute. Oh, and do you know so-and-so from the golf team?" *Sigh* No, but I know Erica and her boyfriend. Then he proceeded to tell me the story behind the "Erica" rule. (No boyfriends allowed.) I must admit, I laughed. I also rolled my eyes at how easily he managed to steer the covo away from the uncomfortable areas. Its a Zine talent, I swear.
After 2nd - Jackie came up behind me and gave me a hug. Rich tried to give me a hug, too, and he smashed his head into my locker... then fell on the floor. That was the first high point of my day. :) Twas quite funny. I don't know what to think about him. One second he's barely acknowledging my existance, the next he's hugging me for no reason. I swear, he makes no sense. Then again, neither do I. So. Rich... Rich is Rich. That's about all that can be said. I really like being around him MOST of the time. I mean, he's funny and friendly and a good guy (for the most part.) But then sometimes he comes off as the most self centered jerk I know! Gah. Anyway, I've decided that ex-boyfriends are far too stressful. I don't think I want any more of them. Lol. (OMG, I'm going to die an old maid. Somebody slap me.)
4th period - Jose Mendietta fell asleep in Spanish today. Funniest thing EVER. We are reading this book, El Beso de la Mujer Arana (The Kiss of the Spider Woman) and everyone was silent reading. There are only 13 of us, and the book is really interesting so the room was literally SILENT. Then... I hear this noise behind me, and I look up and Grace is just staring over in my general direction, smiling. At first I thought she was looking at me, then I turned around and there's Jose, sound asleep sitting up, snoring. It got louder and pretty soon all 13 of us were looking at him, debating whether or not we should wake him up. We were all trying really hard not to laugh, and finally someone coughed loudly on purpose, and he woke up with a start. Again, we tried reeeeally hard not to laugh, but it was so hard to keep a straight face, and eventually we all laughed histerically. Then and only then, Mr. Espana looked up from his book and asked what was so funny. No one would tell him, it was too hillarious.
Lunch - My "lil bro" Derek bought me lunch today because I wasn't eating. Its scary how much he reminds me of my actual little brother.
6th period Mr. Stern yelled at me for kicking Jeff's shoe. Not for kicking Jeff... but for kicking his shoe... lol, I like Mr. Stern.
Home - I'm in the door for all of 2 mins and I already get yelled at about something entirely stupid and pointless. I LOVE that. Not.
Then, the best part of my day. I took a shower, which helped me feel more awake, and then I actually did something productive. I read the assigned reading for the week in the book for Spanish. And... I actually enjoyed it! After that, I took a nap. I can't even explain how tired I was. THEN I busted out the sketch book and drew an image from the story. I did it for me, because I wanted to, but the best part is that I have the "Artist" role in the lit circles, so now I have Monday's homework done for Spanish. Hell yes. I feel pretty good right now, which is a pleasant change from the rest of the week, so far. I kinda forgot to eat dinner... so I think I might go do that, now.
*Looks back at entire entry* Wow. Another damn good example of Leah rambling on...