Push - Chapter Ten

Dec 10, 2009 12:43


Title: Push
Fandom: Camp Rock
Genre: Alternate Universe Drama/Literary Fiction
Rating: PG-13, maybe higher (for language, implied violence, and intense/ possibly scary situations)
Information: Most musicians can’t fathom not performing, no matter what demons may stand in their way. Sometimes they just need a little push.

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push, nanowrmo, writings, fan fiction

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snoopingmother December 11 2009, 22:46:08 UTC
I like it! And happy that you have found time to add more -- still looking forward to the rest!

A couple of questions though:
In this sentence: The worship hymnal her family’s congregation always seemed to sign
did you mean
the worship hymn her family's congregation always seemed to sing? (I like that you included this song, by the way)
and in this sentence:
His eyes didn’t leave her sister, creating a rather awkward paused.
I think it should just be pause.

and, lastly, this paragraph is pretty similar to one in the beginning:

Yes. She had been feeling rather disjointed since then, although she really lacked a reason for it. If only she’d been given the chance to say goodbye. She and Shane had pulled onto the grounds just in time to see a car leaving. The sight had made her heart drop. It was silly; she didn’t know Nate after all. Yet the fact remained; she had been hoping for the chance to talk to him, if only to say goodbye. Now, though, that opportunity was gone.

If you want to reinforce this sentiment you might want to change some of the words around a little.

Hope my asking about this is okay. I don't mean to be offensive in any way. And I do really like the story. I continue to be intrigued as to what shall happen next.

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leftygirl02 December 11 2009, 23:58:19 UTC
Oh no, you're by all means fine. I'm afraid that I had been fiddling around with this way too much, so had a feeling something would be off about it or end up repeated/ done again due to my copying and pasting. Thank you for pointing it out; will attempt to fix as soon as possible. :)

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leftygirl02 December 12 2009, 00:06:22 UTC
And... fixed! Thank you again. I totally just forgot to cut that paragraph from that portion and fix those silly little errors.

(PS: That song is one we always seem to sing in chapel here. Lately it has come into my head just about every morning while I'm walking to work.)

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