John drives around aimlessly for well over two hours, though at some point he stops directly in front of the warehouse that used to belong to the Saints. He says used to, because it doesn't anymore. Oleg was killed and there was a hostile takeover. It's what forced Viktor to come to town and take back what belonged to his older brother once, but not that warehouse in which he was killed.
Just as John thought it'd be another cosmic joke where everyone got the punchline except him. He doesn't even know why Oleg decided to return to Chicago that day, except he did, and John didn't think he'd have the time to see Sonny or any of their family members.
He'd sit down at the meeting, order John around like the fucking dog he was, and they'd be gone before anyone ever found out they were there.
That's not what happened, and John isn't aware of how different everything would be if there'd been one alteration to any event that would lead to Oleg still being alive.
John parks the car there and smokes give cigarettes that help in leveling him out, and when he returns to the Crowbar he's a lot calmer than he would've been if he'd followed after Zoe immediately. If there are those worried about him coming back, he honestly doesn't feel guilty over it. He can take a breath of fresh air when he feels like it, though he'll of course stop by Sonny's office before going to bed.
He's half surprised to find she's still up, and John closes the door behind him and takes a few steps forward. "Hey," he says quietly, the anger visibly wiped from him. This is not a man that's come here looking for a fight.
"Yeah," he says, breathing out on that world. He tosses the keys on the counter and leans against it, hand on one of his hips. "You?"
Zoe would not want him feeling guilt for hangups that she has from something that he had no control over, his year away and the fire that happened before that. Of course, he can get a breath of fresh air when he needs it, and she understands that he did need it.
When she turns to look at him, she meets his gaze though she rather wouldn't.
"Yeah."
She slips her hair behind his shoulders and takes in a breath, leaning against her knees on her elbows and folding her hands together. Zoe looks at her hands and then looks up at him again as he stands there, leaning against the counter.
Her breath catches in her throat, and she presses her lips together before she manages to speak the words.
"I'm sorry."
She doesn't know where to begin with the list of what she's sorry for.
"For all of it," Zoe says and then it seems important to list it out, to try to list it out though she doesn't want to run the events of this night back through her head to find the things that she wants to apologize for. "It was never once about not trusting you to have the situation under control. Not for a moment. I've never... felt like that before, and I've never been angry like that before. I was blinded by it, which is an excuse, but I'm sorry for what I said and for not respecting what you wanted and for not maintaining control when it was important... and for letting you down as your partner and girlfriend and best friend."
She wasn't very good at any of those roles tonight, and it's terrible because she's so blessed and so happy to be able to claim them all with him.
Zoe isn't here to fight either. She knows when she is in the wrong even if she doesn't realize all the ways that she is in the wrong, how she invalidated his feelings or how she used a trigger with him. She knows when she is in the wrong, and she will apologize. Zoe can be stubborn, but this is one of those cases where it's absolutely clear to her. How wrong she's been.
She still wishes that he hadn't picked her up, that he'd tried to restrain her and give her the choice of being picked up or leaving of her own accord. But it's over and done with, and maybe he thought that she couldn't be reasoned with. It's not like she was acting exactly sane.
"I'm--" they both begin to say at the same time, but he stops and she doesn't.
I'm sorry.
John lets out a small laugh that isn't at all amused. He cups the back of his head as she begins to speak and oddly enough, the apology doesn't make him feel better. It makes him feel worse. He doesn't want her looking like that or apologizing for having emotions she cannot control, especially when those emotions come from a part of her that he loves so much and--and he knows that it's because she loves him.
She loves him and has loved him through everything he ever put her through, when he wasn't sure what he felt for her or what he wanted, she remained unwavering. But he also knows it's important for her to say these things so he lets her say them, hopes they help more than beating the pulp out of that woman would have.
Though maybe he really should have let her get another hit in.
He's thought this before, and it's always been true. One of the things he loves most about this family is how angry they can get at each other, and how easily it can be to forgive each other the anger.
"Come here," he says, tugging her to him by the hand.
John sits on one of the stools at the bar and pulls her in even closer, placing both his hands on either side of her waist. "I'm sorry, too. I think we both could've handled it better in different ways." He honestly believes she wouldn't have been reasoned with, no, especially after she all but hissed and ordered at him like she wasn't going to listen at all. So he can't exactly apologize for that.
It was him or it would've been one of the guards, tossing them both out by the ear.
"You could never let me down," he says seriously, and his hands drift upward from her waist to cup either side of her face. "As either my partner or my girlfriend or my best frend. I don't expect you to be perfect. We both got angry. Big deal. Shit happens."
He pulls her in closer and closes his mouth over her own. Soft, almost reassuring.
Zoe did need to say it, and it makes her feel better to apologize for all of it even if he didn't need to hear it. Her behavior kept running through her head. She had been angry, but that does not give her the right to mess up the mission. If one detail had been off, they could have been killed or jailed. There was no guarantee that she had even had the files in her purse when she'd left the room.
Sonny already told her that they cannot do missions like this together anymore. It saddens her, but she understands. She wouldn't want to be put in another situation like that and she wouldn't want John to be put in a situation like that. In fact, she doesn't want to know when he goes on another mission where he's supposed to charm another woman. It's something that she is best left in the dark about, and she understands that.
Zoe does love him. She loves him more and in a way that she never thought that she would love anyone but here it is. She cannot deny it. Whether jealousy makes her weaker or not, it would make no difference. Labels or not, now that she's admitted to those feelings, the jealousy and ridiculous anger would still be there in any similar situation.
When he tells her to come and tugs her by the hand, she goes to him and she remembers what the good of this feels like, thinks back to Valentine's Day and the realization that she had then. Zoe leans in, rests her forehead against his for a moment. "We won't have to worry about handling something like that again. Sonny said no more missions like that for us and I'm grateful. I'll miss not having as many missions with you, but I don't want us to be put in that scenario again."
It was terrible for the both of them. Either role in that situation, it's not an easy one to be in.
Zoe pulls back, and he rests his hands on her face and she nods when he assures her that she has not let him down. "That's good that you don't expect me to be perfect because I'm... far from it," she says, and there's no sadness in it, nothing in her tone that's negative against herself because of it. It's simply the truth. No one's perfect, and she's aware of it. She's still sorry for her actions, but after losing all they have lost, it's easier to let anger, let guilt and sorries go and grab hold of something better. There's a soft smile that tugs helplessly on her face at his words. "Shit happens a lot around here."
She goes to him when he pulls her in, and she closes her eyes, resting her hands against his face and breathing him in.
"I love you," she says when she pulls back from the kiss. "If I can make it up to you... somehow, you should let me know." Even if it's not needed, she'd like to do something.
It's not as if they haven't all, at some point or another, botched a mission without meaning to. They're not robots following drills perfectly to the ladder. They're people susceptible to mistakes. More than that, they're angels and demons and supernaturals with heightened emotions and senses and everything in between. John knows in his heart as angry as Sonny would rightfully get about it whenever it happens, he'd also wouldn't want them any other way. The fact they care so much means they're people first.
John isn't immune to jealousy and possessiveness himeslf. All one has to do is remember his behavior when Slade and Archer rolled into town, and he and Zoe weren't even official yet at that point. He was a rude brat, plain and simple.
He remembers that anger at the way they were looking at her and flirting with her. He hadn't wanted anyone to look at her like that, much less flirt with her like that because of what he himself felt for her. If it'd been multiplied tenfold to the way Daisy was acting tonight, he'd have probably lost it himself. His own anger can be frightening when it blinds him to the point he can't see or hear anything else.
John falls into silence once she announces what Sonny has decided. He grabs her hand and links it together with his own. "That's probably for the best," he says, giving her a nod. It's not as if these missions come too regularly as it is. They always have to dress up and pretend to be someone they're not, but rarely do they have to actively charm or seduce someone. It's not their style. "I'll miss it too and I... don't even know if those kinds of missions should be taken on anymore but--I want to be all these things for you. Partner, boyfriend, best friend. But we can't... be all those things at the same time on a mission."
On a mission, it's partner first. No matter what. It isn't because one is more important than the other, but it's because on a mission, lives are at stake. There's danger they cannot take lightly and one small slip can spell the end for them. John wouldn't be able to live with that.
John grins a little. "Yeah, because I'm perfection incarnate," he says, and there isn't sadness there, either. It's sarcasm at its finest, considering how far from perfect he is. John is very aware of how difficult he can be to handle, and he's very aware of all the flaws he possesses that are glaring to those that know him best. Perfect's boring. Perfect's not real. If they wanted perfect, they'd have none of what they have. "I don't expect or want you to be perfect. I don't want you any other way than how you already are."
"I love you too," he murmurs against her lips, pressing once quick kiss again before he too pulls back. John looks like whatever he might come up with, it's probably a far cry from innocent. "I will let you know if there is any such thing."
After a moment's pause, he asks, "Have I ever told you how hot you look when you're angry?"
It's true. It may have been awhile since she last botched a mission, but this wouldn't be the first one. In the end, she got the files necessary so it wasn't a complete waste, but she hasn't had to have one of those talks from Sonny in quite some time. There was a part of sitting in his office tonight that felt like being thrown back to those other times that he'd had to talk to her. There are differences, namely she knows him better now than she ever did before.
The fire changed a lot, and it not only changed their ability to quickly forgive and forget the things that have made them angry. It has made them closer too. They are more likely to open up to one another, and they never really held up those walls around the Crowbar too. They have always been real with each other, but it seems to have increased since the fire happened. It made them appreciate what they had more, made them not want to have the same regrets of not being closer.
It's had positive changes in their lives as much as they all still feel the emptiness and loss and pain of those that were lost in that fire. They are tighter, more close knit and more cautious and protective of each other too. It's strange how so much about a place can change but the most fundamental parts remain the same. The Crowbar is still the Crowbar through it all somehow.
There were many moments when it didn't really feel like the Crowbar at all in that year that he was gone. However, he came back and the Crowbar returned to feeling like the Crowbar again. As if it was that simple.
"I don't know if they should either. I'm assuming they're effective and sometimes necessary or why would Sonny use them at all, but... There are plenty of other missions out there that don't involve that." At least the couples could potentially opt out. Never know when the man or woman that they are trying to charm could take things a step further before they can be stopped. "You're right. It has to be partner first. I don't want to lose that part of being with you because I'm those other things too. I think this was our first mission since making it official and definitely first mission with charming since admitting our feelings. I didn't realize how... much more intense my feelings of jealousy would become."
If she had, she likely would have opted out of the mission as excited as she may have been to be doing something different.
Zoe laughs lightly when he speaks, and she smiles a little at him, finger tips resting against his face. "I don't expect or want you to be perfect incarnate," she tells him. "When I say I love you, I mean all of you."
The flaws and the strengths and everything in between.
There's a smile on her face that's far from innocent to match the look on his. Her hand runs up the front of his shirt. "You had better."
Zoe has paused too... and then she really does burst out laughing at the question. It ruins the moment, but it's such a funny comment to mention to ruin the moment.
"I... don't know," she says with a laugh looking like she's stuck between playfully smacking him and rolling her eyes. "I can't remember if you have or not before, but you're pretty sexy yourself. I'm sure if we'd been in an enclosed area we would have solved our differences in another way."
Sexual healing. ;D
She's joking though. :x Mostly. She thinks their anger is the type that's so intense because they are so close and they love each other so much. It would be hard to switch that intense, scary angry into sex.
The fire changed everything for everyone, but the narration dares to suppose it changed the most for John and Sonny. Sonny's loss of his first family made it so that he could reach out to John, but really, they didn't have the ability to reach out toward everyone and each other the way they do now. It was a continuous effort of trial-and-error, and while they'd always been a family, as real as any family gets, there were walls.
Walls put up by their history, walls put up by their own hang-ups... for whatever the reason, there'd been walls. John was an expert at being the devil may care, personable brother who kept things at a surface level and never had the kinds of conversations he has now with the people he loves. It wasn't something he'd dream of doing.
And then they lost so much in such a short span of time.
One would think he and everyone else would already know a lesson like this one, if not by personal experience then through the grief they've seen around them, time and time again as the Rift takes from those that love most. But John didn't learn it until six of their family members were six feet under. You have to tell the people you love that you love them, the moment you can, because they won't always be there. You have to enjoy every moment and not waste so much of it being angry or being estranged from each other, because in a blink and you'll miss it sort of way, they can be gone just as fast.
"Not to mention, there are a lot of people in Sonny's payroll who could execute them just as well," John points out. They're not part of the 'family' per se, but Sonny has a lot of people working for him. They come for the odd job here and there and these kinds of missions don't require a whole lot of legwork. If you're good at running a scam, you're good to go. "I don't think either of us realized it. I don't think we could have until we had the firsthand experience. It happens."
"I know you do. I've never doubted it, Zo," he says, leaning his face into her fingers and smiling at her in earnest. Only a year ago he never thought he'd have reasons to smile anymore. It's a stark contrast, the calm he feels in this moment with the burning anger he felt only hours ago, where he thought anything and everything would have set him off. It's been wiped away from him and he isn't sure quite how that happens.
John pokes gently at her waist when she smacks him, not being able to look contrite if his life depended on it. He is a moment ruiner!
It's what he does.
Despite his less-than-innocent innuendos, he's joking, too. It would be very hard to switch that intense anger to sex and it'd almost devalue what it means whenever they do have sex. He never wants to turn that into something it isn't, into something even remotely ugly. And their anger is ugly.
It's something he can accept and it is something they can thankfully move away from.
"How'd it with Sonny?" he asks, thumb gently tracing the inner surface of her palm. He feels bad for just taking off and letting her deal with the heat on her own. If he'd been thinking straight, no matter whose fault it was, he'd have been sitting there beside her, dealing with the harsh words himself.
The narration concurs with that supposition. It changed most for Sonny and John, and since they own the bar, it in turn added to the change that everyone else experienced. They may have always been a family, but John kept people at surface level. Sonny kept people at a distance too, because he felt that if they got too close, he would treat them like he treated his family. It would be harder to save them from himself.
In the end, he realized that he was wrong. The more that he cares about other people, yes. His emotions get more involved but his will to never use his abilities on them strengthens too. It becomes something he's desperate to not let happen, because he doesn't want them walking away from him like his wife did with their kids. Sonny has seen the difference between someone that actually loves him and someone that he has forced to love him.
It's better when it's real.
And Sonny, this is not your tag.
Their time is limited. It doesn't matter if they're demon, angel, or human. They lost all of the above in that fire. Their time is limited, and they have to make the most of it. They can't hold off on things they should have said. None of them want to get to the end of the day with regrets, but it's true that Zoe has rarely held anything back. She is incapable of it. When she feels something, it's written on her face even when she doesn't want it to be.
"That's true, and they don't have the ties that we have with one another. Even if one of us went one of them on the payroll, it wouldn't be... like that," Zoe says. They're not family, which means it is not so complicated to get involved with situations like that. She takes in a breath. "It does. I'm glad I got the files anyway. I just grabbed the whole stack without looking so we have... more information than we ever needed but the files we were looking for, they were in the stack."
She smiles when he smiles at her, when he leans into her fingers. It wasn't long ago that she would have guessed that they would never have something like this. There had always been something between them, but so often, she thought it would never actually happen.
But here they are. When she puts it into perspective like that and reminds herself of how amazing this is, the ugliness of the anger falls away. It becomes less important than keeping this. It seems more important to let go of anger than to hold on to it because of pride or stubbornness.
"If you ever do doubt it, let me know." She'll set him straight, and she leans in to kiss him again, resting her mouth against his and smiling there.
She would never want anything that is wonderful about their relationship to be associated with the ugliness that comes from the anger. Zoe agrees about that.
"It went as well as can be expected. He was angry, but he said his piece, said you and I wouldn't be going on missions like that together anymore, and how it was dangerous and how I should be more professional with my emotions... because lives are at stake," Zoe says. It was nothing more than what she expected when she walked in and she'd nodded in agreement with all he'd said. "Sonny admitted that he should have thought about it before sending us off on it. So he said it was partially on him. I guess... Lena and Lucky's mission didn't go so well earlier today either."
The narration assumes that if one or the other had happened first, Sonny would have corrected it the second time. So thus, they happened at the same time. :x
John laughs when she says she got the files anyway, his hands finding their way back around her waist. He looks down at the space between them before lifting up his gaze to meet hers. "I'll admit even in the heat of the moment, I was very impressed with the speed with which you not only opened the safe and got the files, but changed back into that dress and heels in... what, five minutes flat?" he asks, and the smirk on his face lets her know (or hopefully) lets her know he's teasing.
There's some truth in it, though. He had no idea she'd be that quick, since they were supposed to meet back in the main ballroom fifteen minutes later than when she showed up. It's not like cracking open a safe's an easy job, no matter how many times you've done it. Every system has its own trick and people change their passwords continuously now due to safety reasons.
He thought he'd been doing the right thing by keeping Daisy away from the office and taking her somewhere that would distract her, but he'd be lying if he said he isn't doubting everything that happened and every choice that was made tonight. It's likely he'll toss and turn tonight, mulling over everything in his head and what he could've done differently for next time, despite the fact they won't be having that kind of mission ever again.
Secretly, he's very grateful for it, more than it shows. He knows himself, and he knows he wouldn't have faired better than she did tonight. In fact, he'd have been a lot worse about it and Sonny would have had to do more than just hand out harsh words. Brother or not.
John brings her forward simultaneously as she leans to kiss him, and it's effortless to deepen the kiss, fingers pressing directly over her pulse line. It's effortless to let himself feel this and remember just how stronger the love is than any moment of anger he's ever felt at each other's expense. All of the bad and all of the losses and every other angry moment that's to come wouldn't be worth this, in his mind.
"If you ever need a reminder, you let me know," he counters back, as he wouldn't think twice about setting her straight, too. When you love someone, you don't think twice about telling them what's what, even when it hurts. You don't think hurting their feelings is more important than giving honesty where it helps. As many mistakes as they made tonight, at least they've been honest about all of it and it resolved itself that much quicker.
Not that John thinks he could stay angry with her for too long, whether she made it up for him or not. LOOKIT THAT FACE.
John makes a cringing sort of face when she lets him know the others' mission didn't go well, either. He doesn't need to know the details and he doesn't ask for them, but he can already envision Sonny's reaction to having that same outcome twofold. "We should've known there would have to be some changes when we... changed our dynamics," John says slowly. "It's--it's nice that we can be all those things for each other, but I guess it's not realistic to think we've got that much control over our emotions to not let them get in the way sometimes."
It's also not the first time Sonny had to change around some of the workings of the Crowbar. Tim and Liv also come to mind for John when he thinks about it. Not that any of them are married but the fact remains, they're a couple and there are some things they are better off not doing together when it comes to missions. It's not the end of the world, and thankfully, nothing went too wrong.
No one's life was endangered--except maybe Daisy's, ahem. All this does is serve as a sobering reminder some things need to change around here, and in Chicago, change is the only thing that remains constant.
SONNY SAYS HI. And that he belongs in every tag ever.
Her hands slide down over his and she smiles at him with a look on her face that seems to say, Well, you know. Zoe clears her throat, leaning against him. "The... window was open so I could hear everything she was saying to you and imagine where her hands and legs were going. It made me more focused on getting through the job and getting back out than even fighting for my life normally makes me." She tilts her head to the side. "It was about five minutes. Yes."
Zoe would tell him that it was the right thing. He wanted to keep Daisy away from the office, and he would have had no way of knowing that the window would be open. If it weren't for that, she would not have been egged on to, tracking that woman down in character and punching her in the face... again, in character.
There were many things that she could have done differently. She should have gone through the way that she came in instead of walking out the front door. She should have started singing a song so she had something else to listen to. She should have, Shut the fucking window as Sonny told her, but love does funny things to a person and she didn't consider those logical options. All she knew was she wanted to hit that woman in the face.
It's easier now for her to understand his jealousy like the kind that he had when Archer and Slade paid a visit. Zoe understands feeling that way at this point, and she cannot blame him for it or tease him about it anymore. Jealousy is not a fun emotion, and if she had any control over it, she would not ever let herself feel it. But it's not that easy. However, what they have is worth any feelings of jealousy or anger that may result from it. It's worth it all.
"I promise that I will," Zoe tells him, sliding her arms around his neck as she looks up at him. It is the honest that she needs always. She wouldn't want him to be anything less.
The honesty is easy with him. The letting go of the anger is easy too with him. LOOKIT HIS FACE. And think back to how long she went without him near. It's impossible to stay angry for long when she's just glad to have him at all.
Zoe nods in agreement to the face that he makes. She wants to talk to Lena later, but it may be something that's between her and Lucky only. So maybe she'll just hang out near her, but she won't leave her alone with whatever it is that she's feeling. "Yeah, we should have known, but this is new for both of us. There was... no way that we could have guessed it."
Even what happened with Tim and Liv, that was years and years ago.
"It's hard to remember that things can shift and stay the same, but still need to shift more. Maybe this will help us look to other future situations in a new light, not a bad light. Change isn't always bad."
It is a constant in Chicago though.
The good times don't last but the bad times never last either.
HIS CAMEOS IN TAGS ARE A THING OF BEAUTY. #justsayin #truestory #allthetags
Love does a lot of funny things to a person. There's a saying that goes something along the lines of love has a reason of which reason knows nothing. Some people are completely blinded by it sometimes. You love someone so much you can't see what's right in front of you. Other times, you love someone so much the logical part of your brain shuts off and there's only the feeling that overcomes everything else. It's not easy, and it's something one has to work at to get a grip on. Anger, jealousy, even the love.
John doesn't know if it's the right thing, so much as the only thing he felt he could do at the time. Their work leads them to a lot of murky, gray areas, and he's not sure this was a 'right or wrong' sort of thing. There were several choices and he opted for the one in which there would be less bloodshed. Not because he cared about Daisy's welfare, so much as he cared for the best possible outcome.
He doesn't know. He's sure he'll talk to Sonny about it at some point, and his brother has a damning way of putting things into perspective for anybody that needs it. Not that he needs to be told he as such an ability. Sonny knows this very well himeslf. Ahem.
There's a line John feels people should respect when it comes to people who are in a relationship. Not everyone is going to respect that line, but at least they trust each other and they know that they won't let that other person truly cross it. It's just the anger that comes with people for even daring. Plenty of folks have more than one relationship going at a time.
John honestly does not know how they manage it. He wouldn't be able to live calmly knowing Zoe is with someone else. He only wants her for himself, and that's always going to be true, no matter what happens. It's still important to feel secure enough in a mission, going into it and knowing the risk of your emotions getting in the way are slim to none.
They couldn't say that with this one, and they should have thought it through, but they were both probably eager to just get away from the two big cases going on, both of them needing the change of pace for one night that it didn't register as important. They'd done missions like that before in the past, even though John had always felt that bout of jealousy, whether they were together or not. But things do change when you get together. The jealousy becomes unbridled in a way it never was before.
"Hey, silver linings, right? We learn from this, we take it as a lesson so we don't make the same mistakes in our next missions, regardless of what those missions entail." John takes a deep breath and brings her hand to his ilp, brushing a kiss on the surface of it. It's in the past now, and he won't be bringing it up ever again. "It could have gone worse. The files were obtained. More information than we thought we'd have. Alls well that ends well."
He truly believes that. They got a lot of good out of it too, and they learned something about each other and themselves as a unit that they needed to learn. Sometimes not-so-nice things need to happen like a good kick in the head. "I think we're--most of the time--a perfect example of how change is definitely not always bad."
He's a lot happier now that they're official than he was before.
After a pause, he takes a deep breath and stands, tugging her along with him.
"I've decided on what you can do to make it up to me," he announces grandly.
It's how Sonny like to be. Cameoing in all the tags, etc. #justsayin
Love does so much to a person, and Zoe did not really anticipate it. She didn't understand it when she saw other people falling over themselves for relationships, changing so much for another person. Love should never be about changing yourself, but when you feel that you're in love, you will do so many things that you wouldn't do if you weren't in love.
Sonny would be glad to talk to John about it, and he is good at putting things in perspective. He doesn't need to be told that he has the ability, but he appreciates when other people recognize that he does in their minds or out loud. Again, Sonny, this is not your tag. Get out. :|
Zoe would not be able to share him with anyone else, no, and she has no desire at all to be with anyone else. Why would she? The thought seems ludicrous to her though she knows there are other people out there who make it work.
There were many issues that they didn't think about before rushing into a mission together. It's true that they were all wanting something else for a change, something that would have some immediate results. The other two cases are going so slowly.
"There's always a silver lining somewhere," Zoe says with a tiny smile though that's not always true, at least not at first. "We have the files, and we're both here. We've talked it out, and there's no more anger or distance between us. It could have gone much worse, and I'm glad that it didn't."
She saw Lucky leave. She knows Lena is locked up in her room and won't come out until she's ready to come out, and Zoe could tell from Sonny's face that yeah. Their own mission could have gone much worse. She probably would have gotten more of a talking to if he hadn't been distracted by what happened with Lucky and Lena and their mission. She didn't ask for details, because it wasn't her place to ask Sonny for them as close as they are as family. Zoe knows where they were going. Somehow that makes it easiest.
"Yes, we are. It is one thing the Crowbar has taught me, that you have taught me," Zoe says, with a small smile that widens with warmth as she looks at him. "Among many things."
She moves to a stand when he stands and follows where he tugs with ease.
"Oh?" Zoe smiles at him, leaning in close. "And what might that be?"
It's frustrating, how many little leads they have when it comes to their other two cases. The CLF is no surprise. It keeps moving constantly in its headquarters so nothing is ever traced back, and John didn't expect them to get anything solid anytime soon. Thankfully, though, after the attack on that girl there's been a ulll on the CLF front. Still, it's frustrating to feel like you're not moving forward, while knowing you can't stop trying.
It's like hiking up a climb, and you keep climbing, but you feel like you're not getting anywhere. He thought this case would be an easy one. They'd get into the mansion, they'd do their job, they'd come out of it feeling validated for having gotten whatever they came for.
Clearly, John is to never assume anything anymore, no matter how innocuous a mission may seem. He needs to stay on his toes at all times, and remember no matter how big or small, lives are still at risk and his emotions needs to be kept in check. It was a good, if not sobering, reminder.
John did not see Lucky leave, or he'd be a lot more worried than he is about their mission. He'd also be sad it seems they did get the 'worse' of how much worse a mission could go, but right now he's only got focus for Zoe and fixing what was almost lost today. He felt it was a close call, whether it was true or not, and he never wants to feel that way again.
"What other things have I taught you, pray tell?" he asks, his own smile widening at the sight of hers. There's a relief that comes with knowing how easy it is to fall back into this, that they can get mad as much as they feel like getting mad and nothing has been irreparably broken. "Curious audiences would like to know, is all."
John tugs her in further close to him, walking backwards as he easily navitages his way through the bar in search for the common lounge. He knows every nook and cranny of this bar, could navigate through it with a blindfold.
"I'd like to see Mamma Mia," he declares, opening the door of the lounge with his foot and ushering them in. "We'll make some popcorn, get some blankets, and watch as promised. I did promise, didn't I?"
And well, if there are distractions or sex that's certainly not what he asked for in terms of her making up for it.
It's just something that happened regardless! As a nice bonus. Ahem.
It is frustrating especially since the second case is the one that has even more intense meaning to them. They are responsible for the deaths of half their family, and Sonny believes they could target them again, but they can only move as quickly as the cases allow. It's better to be safe and careful than to risk too much and end up dead.
This case was supposed to be an easy, fluffy one. They used to laugh about it. It would annoy her to watch some woman get her paws all over him before they had admitted outwardly their feelings, but she could then joke about it on the way back home while they stopped to pick out a big drink.
It was a necessary reminder, but Zoe will be grateful when they have a mission that they can go on without so much of a hitch next time. One that she can feel good about after it's over. There's hope for that in the future.
For the moment, she will focus on her time with him. It had felt hopeless there for a moment like there was an impossible chasm between them, because of their anger and how painful and intense it was.
"You have taught me how amazing kissing truly is, what all the hubbub about relationships has been all these years, how another person can make you stronger and more yourself as opposed to taking anything away from you... There's a list, John."
It's a long list. Zoe smiles at him, following him and admiring his ability to walk backwards without looking though they almost all can do that. They know the Crowbar so well.
And then she laughs at his declaration, walking with him into the lounge. "You did promise, yes. I didn't realize that it was something you wanted so much that it would be making anything up to you, but I am so happy to oblige you."
There will be distractions and eventual sex. It's sweet that he's too much of a gentleman to ask for it in terms of her making up for the night, but... it will definitely be a bonus.
"I am a very good kisser," John agrees with a nod and a straight face. The tiniest smile follows after the fact, so it can't quite be taken seriously. And what she's saying makes his chest flood with warmth and he wants to listen to it. His arms are still wrapped around the small of her waist, and he bows his head to get a good look at her.
"There's a list for me too, Zo." He takes a deep breath and he smiles once again at her. There's a bit of teasing fondness but there's also something very earnest. "You have taught me how...to smile even when it hurts, because the other person might need it, what the big deal with smoothies is, and why it's... important to say you love someone when you love them, without letting the moment pass you by."
He's let those moments pass him by frequently in the past. He wouldn't let himself love, period, all because of some twisted words his father had said to him when he was drunk out of his mind and John was sixteen.
His is also a very long list, just for the record.
John closes the door behind them once they're both safely ensconced within the lounge. No one else is either awake or at the Crowbar, which is how he prefers it, really. He likes movie nights when it's with everybody but he also likes watching movies just with her, in a different sort of way, with a different sort of closeness.
"What can I say? I've found a deep and abiding love for musicals and now I cannot contain such a love. This will have to be a secret between you and myself. I've a rep to protect and all that," John says with a grin, walking over to the movie selection. A lot of them are musicals, is that any surprise with Lena and Zoe in charge of the selections?
He picks up the movie in question and then looks over to her. "You want some popcorn or something? A smoothie? Speak now or forever hold your peace."
LMFAO, well. Look, John is a lot older than he looks. He comes from a time when being old-fashioned was sort of the norm, as charming and flirtatious as he can get. It'd feel wrong to ask for sex as a way of making it up to him, especially since all is forgiven in his mind anyway.
Zoe laughs when he actually agrees with her about how good a kisser he is, not that she is at all surprised. She nods right back at him, wrapping her arms around his neck as she leans in against him.
She smiles when he mentions that there's a list for him too. It's funny that she knows it. She understands that he has a list too. There's a brightness burning in her eyes, because she hears his sincerity and feels it in her heart too. "We've had many moments that have passed us by," Zoe says quietly. They all have. "But no more."
They will cease every moment that they can get their hands on, because they know how precious those moments are, how they can be taken from them.
Zoe really likes the movie nights that are only between the two of them as well. She smiles when he closes the door behind them.
"I would never do anything to threaten your reputation, but I'm so pleased you've found a deep, deep love for one of my true loves, musicals. Mamma Mia is that nonstop fun and fluff that everyone can love. They're like bunnies really," she says as she looks over the selection too. All the musical bunnies ever. :x
Zoe glances at him as he stands back up with movie in hand. "I... kind of want popcorn, but conundrum, I don't really want you to leave either." And they just got into the lounge and shut the door behind them after all.
It's very snug in here. She stands up on her tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek, because she can.
It is super adorable, John. There should be more gentleman like you in the world in the narration's opinion. :x The world would be a much better place if that were the case.
Just as John thought it'd be another cosmic joke where everyone got the punchline except him. He doesn't even know why Oleg decided to return to Chicago that day, except he did, and John didn't think he'd have the time to see Sonny or any of their family members.
He'd sit down at the meeting, order John around like the fucking dog he was, and they'd be gone before anyone ever found out they were there.
That's not what happened, and John isn't aware of how different everything would be if there'd been one alteration to any event that would lead to Oleg still being alive.
John parks the car there and smokes give cigarettes that help in leveling him out, and when he returns to the Crowbar he's a lot calmer than he would've been if he'd followed after Zoe immediately. If there are those worried about him coming back, he honestly doesn't feel guilty over it. He can take a breath of fresh air when he feels like it, though he'll of course stop by Sonny's office before going to bed.
He's half surprised to find she's still up, and John closes the door behind him and takes a few steps forward. "Hey," he says quietly, the anger visibly wiped from him. This is not a man that's come here looking for a fight.
"Yeah," he says, breathing out on that world. He tosses the keys on the counter and leans against it, hand on one of his hips. "You?"
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When she turns to look at him, she meets his gaze though she rather wouldn't.
"Yeah."
She slips her hair behind his shoulders and takes in a breath, leaning against her knees on her elbows and folding her hands together. Zoe looks at her hands and then looks up at him again as he stands there, leaning against the counter.
Her breath catches in her throat, and she presses her lips together before she manages to speak the words.
"I'm sorry."
She doesn't know where to begin with the list of what she's sorry for.
"For all of it," Zoe says and then it seems important to list it out, to try to list it out though she doesn't want to run the events of this night back through her head to find the things that she wants to apologize for. "It was never once about not trusting you to have the situation under control. Not for a moment. I've never... felt like that before, and I've never been angry like that before. I was blinded by it, which is an excuse, but I'm sorry for what I said and for not respecting what you wanted and for not maintaining control when it was important... and for letting you down as your partner and girlfriend and best friend."
She wasn't very good at any of those roles tonight, and it's terrible because she's so blessed and so happy to be able to claim them all with him.
Zoe isn't here to fight either. She knows when she is in the wrong even if she doesn't realize all the ways that she is in the wrong, how she invalidated his feelings or how she used a trigger with him. She knows when she is in the wrong, and she will apologize. Zoe can be stubborn, but this is one of those cases where it's absolutely clear to her. How wrong she's been.
She still wishes that he hadn't picked her up, that he'd tried to restrain her and give her the choice of being picked up or leaving of her own accord. But it's over and done with, and maybe he thought that she couldn't be reasoned with. It's not like she was acting exactly sane.
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I'm sorry.
John lets out a small laugh that isn't at all amused. He cups the back of his head as she begins to speak and oddly enough, the apology doesn't make him feel better. It makes him feel worse. He doesn't want her looking like that or apologizing for having emotions she cannot control, especially when those emotions come from a part of her that he loves so much and--and he knows that it's because she loves him.
She loves him and has loved him through everything he ever put her through, when he wasn't sure what he felt for her or what he wanted, she remained unwavering. But he also knows it's important for her to say these things so he lets her say them, hopes they help more than beating the pulp out of that woman would have.
Though maybe he really should have let her get another hit in.
He's thought this before, and it's always been true. One of the things he loves most about this family is how angry they can get at each other, and how easily it can be to forgive each other the anger.
"Come here," he says, tugging her to him by the hand.
John sits on one of the stools at the bar and pulls her in even closer, placing both his hands on either side of her waist. "I'm sorry, too. I think we both could've handled it better in different ways." He honestly believes she wouldn't have been reasoned with, no, especially after she all but hissed and ordered at him like she wasn't going to listen at all. So he can't exactly apologize for that.
It was him or it would've been one of the guards, tossing them both out by the ear.
"You could never let me down," he says seriously, and his hands drift upward from her waist to cup either side of her face. "As either my partner or my girlfriend or my best frend. I don't expect you to be perfect. We both got angry. Big deal. Shit happens."
He pulls her in closer and closes his mouth over her own. Soft, almost reassuring.
He'd have come back, and he isn't going anywhere.
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Sonny already told her that they cannot do missions like this together anymore. It saddens her, but she understands. She wouldn't want to be put in another situation like that and she wouldn't want John to be put in a situation like that. In fact, she doesn't want to know when he goes on another mission where he's supposed to charm another woman. It's something that she is best left in the dark about, and she understands that.
Zoe does love him. She loves him more and in a way that she never thought that she would love anyone but here it is. She cannot deny it. Whether jealousy makes her weaker or not, it would make no difference. Labels or not, now that she's admitted to those feelings, the jealousy and ridiculous anger would still be there in any similar situation.
When he tells her to come and tugs her by the hand, she goes to him and she remembers what the good of this feels like, thinks back to Valentine's Day and the realization that she had then. Zoe leans in, rests her forehead against his for a moment. "We won't have to worry about handling something like that again. Sonny said no more missions like that for us and I'm grateful. I'll miss not having as many missions with you, but I don't want us to be put in that scenario again."
It was terrible for the both of them. Either role in that situation, it's not an easy one to be in.
Zoe pulls back, and he rests his hands on her face and she nods when he assures her that she has not let him down. "That's good that you don't expect me to be perfect because I'm... far from it," she says, and there's no sadness in it, nothing in her tone that's negative against herself because of it. It's simply the truth. No one's perfect, and she's aware of it. She's still sorry for her actions, but after losing all they have lost, it's easier to let anger, let guilt and sorries go and grab hold of something better. There's a soft smile that tugs helplessly on her face at his words. "Shit happens a lot around here."
She goes to him when he pulls her in, and she closes her eyes, resting her hands against his face and breathing him in.
"I love you," she says when she pulls back from the kiss. "If I can make it up to you... somehow, you should let me know." Even if it's not needed, she'd like to do something.
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John isn't immune to jealousy and possessiveness himeslf. All one has to do is remember his behavior when Slade and Archer rolled into town, and he and Zoe weren't even official yet at that point. He was a rude brat, plain and simple.
He remembers that anger at the way they were looking at her and flirting with her. He hadn't wanted anyone to look at her like that, much less flirt with her like that because of what he himself felt for her. If it'd been multiplied tenfold to the way Daisy was acting tonight, he'd have probably lost it himself. His own anger can be frightening when it blinds him to the point he can't see or hear anything else.
John falls into silence once she announces what Sonny has decided. He grabs her hand and links it together with his own. "That's probably for the best," he says, giving her a nod. It's not as if these missions come too regularly as it is. They always have to dress up and pretend to be someone they're not, but rarely do they have to actively charm or seduce someone. It's not their style. "I'll miss it too and I... don't even know if those kinds of missions should be taken on anymore but--I want to be all these things for you. Partner, boyfriend, best friend. But we can't... be all those things at the same time on a mission."
On a mission, it's partner first. No matter what. It isn't because one is more important than the other, but it's because on a mission, lives are at stake. There's danger they cannot take lightly and one small slip can spell the end for them. John wouldn't be able to live with that.
John grins a little. "Yeah, because I'm perfection incarnate," he says, and there isn't sadness there, either. It's sarcasm at its finest, considering how far from perfect he is. John is very aware of how difficult he can be to handle, and he's very aware of all the flaws he possesses that are glaring to those that know him best. Perfect's boring. Perfect's not real. If they wanted perfect, they'd have none of what they have. "I don't expect or want you to be perfect. I don't want you any other way than how you already are."
"I love you too," he murmurs against her lips, pressing once quick kiss again before he too pulls back. John looks like whatever he might come up with, it's probably a far cry from innocent. "I will let you know if there is any such thing."
After a moment's pause, he asks, "Have I ever told you how hot you look when you're angry?"
Way to ruin a moment, John.
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The fire changed a lot, and it not only changed their ability to quickly forgive and forget the things that have made them angry. It has made them closer too. They are more likely to open up to one another, and they never really held up those walls around the Crowbar too. They have always been real with each other, but it seems to have increased since the fire happened. It made them appreciate what they had more, made them not want to have the same regrets of not being closer.
It's had positive changes in their lives as much as they all still feel the emptiness and loss and pain of those that were lost in that fire. They are tighter, more close knit and more cautious and protective of each other too. It's strange how so much about a place can change but the most fundamental parts remain the same. The Crowbar is still the Crowbar through it all somehow.
There were many moments when it didn't really feel like the Crowbar at all in that year that he was gone. However, he came back and the Crowbar returned to feeling like the Crowbar again. As if it was that simple.
"I don't know if they should either. I'm assuming they're effective and sometimes necessary or why would Sonny use them at all, but... There are plenty of other missions out there that don't involve that." At least the couples could potentially opt out. Never know when the man or woman that they are trying to charm could take things a step further before they can be stopped. "You're right. It has to be partner first. I don't want to lose that part of being with you because I'm those other things too. I think this was our first mission since making it official and definitely first mission with charming since admitting our feelings. I didn't realize how... much more intense my feelings of jealousy would become."
If she had, she likely would have opted out of the mission as excited as she may have been to be doing something different.
Zoe laughs lightly when he speaks, and she smiles a little at him, finger tips resting against his face. "I don't expect or want you to be perfect incarnate," she tells him. "When I say I love you, I mean all of you."
The flaws and the strengths and everything in between.
There's a smile on her face that's far from innocent to match the look on his. Her hand runs up the front of his shirt. "You had better."
Zoe has paused too... and then she really does burst out laughing at the question. It ruins the moment, but it's such a funny comment to mention to ruin the moment.
"I... don't know," she says with a laugh looking like she's stuck between playfully smacking him and rolling her eyes. "I can't remember if you have or not before, but you're pretty sexy yourself. I'm sure if we'd been in an enclosed area we would have solved our differences in another way."
Sexual healing. ;D
She's joking though. :x Mostly. She thinks their anger is the type that's so intense because they are so close and they love each other so much. It would be hard to switch that intense, scary angry into sex.
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Walls put up by their history, walls put up by their own hang-ups... for whatever the reason, there'd been walls. John was an expert at being the devil may care, personable brother who kept things at a surface level and never had the kinds of conversations he has now with the people he loves. It wasn't something he'd dream of doing.
And then they lost so much in such a short span of time.
One would think he and everyone else would already know a lesson like this one, if not by personal experience then through the grief they've seen around them, time and time again as the Rift takes from those that love most. But John didn't learn it until six of their family members were six feet under. You have to tell the people you love that you love them, the moment you can, because they won't always be there. You have to enjoy every moment and not waste so much of it being angry or being estranged from each other, because in a blink and you'll miss it sort of way, they can be gone just as fast.
"Not to mention, there are a lot of people in Sonny's payroll who could execute them just as well," John points out. They're not part of the 'family' per se, but Sonny has a lot of people working for him. They come for the odd job here and there and these kinds of missions don't require a whole lot of legwork. If you're good at running a scam, you're good to go. "I don't think either of us realized it. I don't think we could have until we had the firsthand experience. It happens."
"I know you do. I've never doubted it, Zo," he says, leaning his face into her fingers and smiling at her in earnest. Only a year ago he never thought he'd have reasons to smile anymore. It's a stark contrast, the calm he feels in this moment with the burning anger he felt only hours ago, where he thought anything and everything would have set him off. It's been wiped away from him and he isn't sure quite how that happens.
John pokes gently at her waist when she smacks him, not being able to look contrite if his life depended on it. He is a moment ruiner!
It's what he does.
Despite his less-than-innocent innuendos, he's joking, too. It would be very hard to switch that intense anger to sex and it'd almost devalue what it means whenever they do have sex. He never wants to turn that into something it isn't, into something even remotely ugly. And their anger is ugly.
It's something he can accept and it is something they can thankfully move away from.
"How'd it with Sonny?" he asks, thumb gently tracing the inner surface of her palm. He feels bad for just taking off and letting her deal with the heat on her own. If he'd been thinking straight, no matter whose fault it was, he'd have been sitting there beside her, dealing with the harsh words himself.
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In the end, he realized that he was wrong. The more that he cares about other people, yes. His emotions get more involved but his will to never use his abilities on them strengthens too. It becomes something he's desperate to not let happen, because he doesn't want them walking away from him like his wife did with their kids. Sonny has seen the difference between someone that actually loves him and someone that he has forced to love him.
It's better when it's real.
And Sonny, this is not your tag.
Their time is limited. It doesn't matter if they're demon, angel, or human. They lost all of the above in that fire. Their time is limited, and they have to make the most of it. They can't hold off on things they should have said. None of them want to get to the end of the day with regrets, but it's true that Zoe has rarely held anything back. She is incapable of it. When she feels something, it's written on her face even when she doesn't want it to be.
"That's true, and they don't have the ties that we have with one another. Even if one of us went one of them on the payroll, it wouldn't be... like that," Zoe says. They're not family, which means it is not so complicated to get involved with situations like that. She takes in a breath. "It does. I'm glad I got the files anyway. I just grabbed the whole stack without looking so we have... more information than we ever needed but the files we were looking for, they were in the stack."
She smiles when he smiles at her, when he leans into her fingers. It wasn't long ago that she would have guessed that they would never have something like this. There had always been something between them, but so often, she thought it would never actually happen.
But here they are. When she puts it into perspective like that and reminds herself of how amazing this is, the ugliness of the anger falls away. It becomes less important than keeping this. It seems more important to let go of anger than to hold on to it because of pride or stubbornness.
"If you ever do doubt it, let me know." She'll set him straight, and she leans in to kiss him again, resting her mouth against his and smiling there.
She would never want anything that is wonderful about their relationship to be associated with the ugliness that comes from the anger. Zoe agrees about that.
"It went as well as can be expected. He was angry, but he said his piece, said you and I wouldn't be going on missions like that together anymore, and how it was dangerous and how I should be more professional with my emotions... because lives are at stake," Zoe says. It was nothing more than what she expected when she walked in and she'd nodded in agreement with all he'd said. "Sonny admitted that he should have thought about it before sending us off on it. So he said it was partially on him. I guess... Lena and Lucky's mission didn't go so well earlier today either."
The narration assumes that if one or the other had happened first, Sonny would have corrected it the second time. So thus, they happened at the same time. :x
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John laughs when she says she got the files anyway, his hands finding their way back around her waist. He looks down at the space between them before lifting up his gaze to meet hers. "I'll admit even in the heat of the moment, I was very impressed with the speed with which you not only opened the safe and got the files, but changed back into that dress and heels in... what, five minutes flat?" he asks, and the smirk on his face lets her know (or hopefully) lets her know he's teasing.
There's some truth in it, though. He had no idea she'd be that quick, since they were supposed to meet back in the main ballroom fifteen minutes later than when she showed up. It's not like cracking open a safe's an easy job, no matter how many times you've done it. Every system has its own trick and people change their passwords continuously now due to safety reasons.
He thought he'd been doing the right thing by keeping Daisy away from the office and taking her somewhere that would distract her, but he'd be lying if he said he isn't doubting everything that happened and every choice that was made tonight. It's likely he'll toss and turn tonight, mulling over everything in his head and what he could've done differently for next time, despite the fact they won't be having that kind of mission ever again.
Secretly, he's very grateful for it, more than it shows. He knows himself, and he knows he wouldn't have faired better than she did tonight. In fact, he'd have been a lot worse about it and Sonny would have had to do more than just hand out harsh words. Brother or not.
John brings her forward simultaneously as she leans to kiss him, and it's effortless to deepen the kiss, fingers pressing directly over her pulse line. It's effortless to let himself feel this and remember just how stronger the love is than any moment of anger he's ever felt at each other's expense. All of the bad and all of the losses and every other angry moment that's to come wouldn't be worth this, in his mind.
"If you ever need a reminder, you let me know," he counters back, as he wouldn't think twice about setting her straight, too. When you love someone, you don't think twice about telling them what's what, even when it hurts. You don't think hurting their feelings is more important than giving honesty where it helps. As many mistakes as they made tonight, at least they've been honest about all of it and it resolved itself that much quicker.
Not that John thinks he could stay angry with her for too long, whether she made it up for him or not. LOOKIT THAT FACE.
John makes a cringing sort of face when she lets him know the others' mission didn't go well, either. He doesn't need to know the details and he doesn't ask for them, but he can already envision Sonny's reaction to having that same outcome twofold. "We should've known there would have to be some changes when we... changed our dynamics," John says slowly. "It's--it's nice that we can be all those things for each other, but I guess it's not realistic to think we've got that much control over our emotions to not let them get in the way sometimes."
It's also not the first time Sonny had to change around some of the workings of the Crowbar. Tim and Liv also come to mind for John when he thinks about it. Not that any of them are married but the fact remains, they're a couple and there are some things they are better off not doing together when it comes to missions. It's not the end of the world, and thankfully, nothing went too wrong.
No one's life was endangered--except maybe Daisy's, ahem. All this does is serve as a sobering reminder some things need to change around here, and in Chicago, change is the only thing that remains constant.
The narration assumes the same thing, as well.
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Her hands slide down over his and she smiles at him with a look on her face that seems to say, Well, you know. Zoe clears her throat, leaning against him. "The... window was open so I could hear everything she was saying to you and imagine where her hands and legs were going. It made me more focused on getting through the job and getting back out than even fighting for my life normally makes me." She tilts her head to the side. "It was about five minutes. Yes."
Zoe would tell him that it was the right thing. He wanted to keep Daisy away from the office, and he would have had no way of knowing that the window would be open. If it weren't for that, she would not have been egged on to, tracking that woman down in character and punching her in the face... again, in character.
There were many things that she could have done differently. She should have gone through the way that she came in instead of walking out the front door. She should have started singing a song so she had something else to listen to. She should have, Shut the fucking window as Sonny told her, but love does funny things to a person and she didn't consider those logical options. All she knew was she wanted to hit that woman in the face.
It's easier now for her to understand his jealousy like the kind that he had when Archer and Slade paid a visit. Zoe understands feeling that way at this point, and she cannot blame him for it or tease him about it anymore. Jealousy is not a fun emotion, and if she had any control over it, she would not ever let herself feel it. But it's not that easy. However, what they have is worth any feelings of jealousy or anger that may result from it. It's worth it all.
"I promise that I will," Zoe tells him, sliding her arms around his neck as she looks up at him. It is the honest that she needs always. She wouldn't want him to be anything less.
The honesty is easy with him. The letting go of the anger is easy too with him. LOOKIT HIS FACE. And think back to how long she went without him near. It's impossible to stay angry for long when she's just glad to have him at all.
Zoe nods in agreement to the face that he makes. She wants to talk to Lena later, but it may be something that's between her and Lucky only. So maybe she'll just hang out near her, but she won't leave her alone with whatever it is that she's feeling. "Yeah, we should have known, but this is new for both of us. There was... no way that we could have guessed it."
Even what happened with Tim and Liv, that was years and years ago.
"It's hard to remember that things can shift and stay the same, but still need to shift more. Maybe this will help us look to other future situations in a new light, not a bad light. Change isn't always bad."
It is a constant in Chicago though.
The good times don't last but the bad times never last either.
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Love does a lot of funny things to a person. There's a saying that goes something along the lines of love has a reason of which reason knows nothing. Some people are completely blinded by it sometimes. You love someone so much you can't see what's right in front of you. Other times, you love someone so much the logical part of your brain shuts off and there's only the feeling that overcomes everything else. It's not easy, and it's something one has to work at to get a grip on. Anger, jealousy, even the love.
John doesn't know if it's the right thing, so much as the only thing he felt he could do at the time. Their work leads them to a lot of murky, gray areas, and he's not sure this was a 'right or wrong' sort of thing. There were several choices and he opted for the one in which there would be less bloodshed. Not because he cared about Daisy's welfare, so much as he cared for the best possible outcome.
He doesn't know. He's sure he'll talk to Sonny about it at some point, and his brother has a damning way of putting things into perspective for anybody that needs it. Not that he needs to be told he as such an ability. Sonny knows this very well himeslf. Ahem.
There's a line John feels people should respect when it comes to people who are in a relationship. Not everyone is going to respect that line, but at least they trust each other and they know that they won't let that other person truly cross it. It's just the anger that comes with people for even daring. Plenty of folks have more than one relationship going at a time.
John honestly does not know how they manage it. He wouldn't be able to live calmly knowing Zoe is with someone else. He only wants her for himself, and that's always going to be true, no matter what happens. It's still important to feel secure enough in a mission, going into it and knowing the risk of your emotions getting in the way are slim to none.
They couldn't say that with this one, and they should have thought it through, but they were both probably eager to just get away from the two big cases going on, both of them needing the change of pace for one night that it didn't register as important. They'd done missions like that before in the past, even though John had always felt that bout of jealousy, whether they were together or not. But things do change when you get together. The jealousy becomes unbridled in a way it never was before.
"Hey, silver linings, right? We learn from this, we take it as a lesson so we don't make the same mistakes in our next missions, regardless of what those missions entail." John takes a deep breath and brings her hand to his ilp, brushing a kiss on the surface of it. It's in the past now, and he won't be bringing it up ever again. "It could have gone worse. The files were obtained. More information than we thought we'd have. Alls well that ends well."
He truly believes that. They got a lot of good out of it too, and they learned something about each other and themselves as a unit that they needed to learn. Sometimes not-so-nice things need to happen like a good kick in the head. "I think we're--most of the time--a perfect example of how change is definitely not always bad."
He's a lot happier now that they're official than he was before.
After a pause, he takes a deep breath and stands, tugging her along with him.
"I've decided on what you can do to make it up to me," he announces grandly.
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Love does so much to a person, and Zoe did not really anticipate it. She didn't understand it when she saw other people falling over themselves for relationships, changing so much for another person. Love should never be about changing yourself, but when you feel that you're in love, you will do so many things that you wouldn't do if you weren't in love.
Sonny would be glad to talk to John about it, and he is good at putting things in perspective. He doesn't need to be told that he has the ability, but he appreciates when other people recognize that he does in their minds or out loud. Again, Sonny, this is not your tag. Get out. :|
Zoe would not be able to share him with anyone else, no, and she has no desire at all to be with anyone else. Why would she? The thought seems ludicrous to her though she knows there are other people out there who make it work.
There were many issues that they didn't think about before rushing into a mission together. It's true that they were all wanting something else for a change, something that would have some immediate results. The other two cases are going so slowly.
"There's always a silver lining somewhere," Zoe says with a tiny smile though that's not always true, at least not at first. "We have the files, and we're both here. We've talked it out, and there's no more anger or distance between us. It could have gone much worse, and I'm glad that it didn't."
She saw Lucky leave. She knows Lena is locked up in her room and won't come out until she's ready to come out, and Zoe could tell from Sonny's face that yeah. Their own mission could have gone much worse. She probably would have gotten more of a talking to if he hadn't been distracted by what happened with Lucky and Lena and their mission. She didn't ask for details, because it wasn't her place to ask Sonny for them as close as they are as family. Zoe knows where they were going. Somehow that makes it easiest.
"Yes, we are. It is one thing the Crowbar has taught me, that you have taught me," Zoe says, with a small smile that widens with warmth as she looks at him. "Among many things."
She moves to a stand when he stands and follows where he tugs with ease.
"Oh?" Zoe smiles at him, leaning in close. "And what might that be?"
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It's like hiking up a climb, and you keep climbing, but you feel like you're not getting anywhere. He thought this case would be an easy one. They'd get into the mansion, they'd do their job, they'd come out of it feeling validated for having gotten whatever they came for.
Clearly, John is to never assume anything anymore, no matter how innocuous a mission may seem. He needs to stay on his toes at all times, and remember no matter how big or small, lives are still at risk and his emotions needs to be kept in check. It was a good, if not sobering, reminder.
John did not see Lucky leave, or he'd be a lot more worried than he is about their mission. He'd also be sad it seems they did get the 'worse' of how much worse a mission could go, but right now he's only got focus for Zoe and fixing what was almost lost today. He felt it was a close call, whether it was true or not, and he never wants to feel that way again.
"What other things have I taught you, pray tell?" he asks, his own smile widening at the sight of hers. There's a relief that comes with knowing how easy it is to fall back into this, that they can get mad as much as they feel like getting mad and nothing has been irreparably broken. "Curious audiences would like to know, is all."
John tugs her in further close to him, walking backwards as he easily navitages his way through the bar in search for the common lounge. He knows every nook and cranny of this bar, could navigate through it with a blindfold.
"I'd like to see Mamma Mia," he declares, opening the door of the lounge with his foot and ushering them in. "We'll make some popcorn, get some blankets, and watch as promised. I did promise, didn't I?"
And well, if there are distractions or sex that's certainly not what he asked for in terms of her making up for it.
It's just something that happened regardless! As a nice bonus. Ahem.
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This case was supposed to be an easy, fluffy one. They used to laugh about it. It would annoy her to watch some woman get her paws all over him before they had admitted outwardly their feelings, but she could then joke about it on the way back home while they stopped to pick out a big drink.
It was a necessary reminder, but Zoe will be grateful when they have a mission that they can go on without so much of a hitch next time. One that she can feel good about after it's over. There's hope for that in the future.
For the moment, she will focus on her time with him. It had felt hopeless there for a moment like there was an impossible chasm between them, because of their anger and how painful and intense it was.
"You have taught me how amazing kissing truly is, what all the hubbub about relationships has been all these years, how another person can make you stronger and more yourself as opposed to taking anything away from you... There's a list, John."
It's a long list. Zoe smiles at him, following him and admiring his ability to walk backwards without looking though they almost all can do that. They know the Crowbar so well.
And then she laughs at his declaration, walking with him into the lounge. "You did promise, yes. I didn't realize that it was something you wanted so much that it would be making anything up to you, but I am so happy to oblige you."
There will be distractions and eventual sex. It's sweet that he's too much of a gentleman to ask for it in terms of her making up for the night, but... it will definitely be a bonus.
A wonderful bonus that they both will enjoy. :x
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"There's a list for me too, Zo." He takes a deep breath and he smiles once again at her. There's a bit of teasing fondness but there's also something very earnest. "You have taught me how...to smile even when it hurts, because the other person might need it, what the big deal with smoothies is, and why it's... important to say you love someone when you love them, without letting the moment pass you by."
He's let those moments pass him by frequently in the past. He wouldn't let himself love, period, all because of some twisted words his father had said to him when he was drunk out of his mind and John was sixteen.
His is also a very long list, just for the record.
John closes the door behind them once they're both safely ensconced within the lounge. No one else is either awake or at the Crowbar, which is how he prefers it, really. He likes movie nights when it's with everybody but he also likes watching movies just with her, in a different sort of way, with a different sort of closeness.
"What can I say? I've found a deep and abiding love for musicals and now I cannot contain such a love. This will have to be a secret between you and myself. I've a rep to protect and all that," John says with a grin, walking over to the movie selection. A lot of them are musicals, is that any surprise with Lena and Zoe in charge of the selections?
He picks up the movie in question and then looks over to her. "You want some popcorn or something? A smoothie? Speak now or forever hold your peace."
LMFAO, well. Look, John is a lot older than he looks. He comes from a time when being old-fashioned was sort of the norm, as charming and flirtatious as he can get. It'd feel wrong to ask for sex as a way of making it up to him, especially since all is forgiven in his mind anyway.
They will enjoy it muchly. :x
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She smiles when he mentions that there's a list for him too. It's funny that she knows it. She understands that he has a list too. There's a brightness burning in her eyes, because she hears his sincerity and feels it in her heart too. "We've had many moments that have passed us by," Zoe says quietly. They all have. "But no more."
They will cease every moment that they can get their hands on, because they know how precious those moments are, how they can be taken from them.
Zoe really likes the movie nights that are only between the two of them as well. She smiles when he closes the door behind them.
"I would never do anything to threaten your reputation, but I'm so pleased you've found a deep, deep love for one of my true loves, musicals. Mamma Mia is that nonstop fun and fluff that everyone can love. They're like bunnies really," she says as she looks over the selection too. All the musical bunnies ever. :x
Zoe glances at him as he stands back up with movie in hand. "I... kind of want popcorn, but conundrum, I don't really want you to leave either." And they just got into the lounge and shut the door behind them after all.
It's very snug in here. She stands up on her tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek, because she can.
It is super adorable, John. There should be more gentleman like you in the world in the narration's opinion. :x The world would be a much better place if that were the case.
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