At 1658, Dr. Llewellyn Jordan leaves his office, humming tunelessly under his breath, bag slung over his shoulder, tie loosened, jacket folded over his arm
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"I'm just depressed that literal cloaks and daggers weren't involved." He closes the datapad and leans down to stow it in his bag. "Well. Now that you're here."
"Yeah." Beat. "You know, I've thought about this, and I still don't know how to start."
Jordie shakes his head a little, and stretches out, crossing his legs at the ankle. "When he was here a year and a half ago -- we did a lot of talking. Catching up. Only he was the one with most of the talking, because let's face it -- " He's talking with his hands. "He was the one with exciting things going on. Not me."
"And we started," Jordie says, head tilting back to look up at the shifting clouds, "with why he missed the birthday of a mutual friend of ours. They kind of had a thing going. Maybe. Only it was at that place where they never formally said anything and they hadn't actually done anything reasonable like gone out to dinner yet, but all you had to do was be in a room with them and it was totally obvious. So it didn't make any sense that he'd miss it. And my take on it was that nobody makes Rika cry and gets away with it, and even after it was clear that he was just going to leave and that was that -- I still wanted an answer, when I could get one."
Beat.
"The part with the blackout zones came up shortly thereafter. When he got arrested." Jordie holds up a hand. "And this probably isn't going where you think it's going. I just want to say that first thing."
"I had some time to think about that conversation. -- no, that's a lie. I had a lot of time to think about that conversation. And blame. I was into blaming people a lot about a year and a half ago. And I kind of wanted to blame you and your wife for what happened." He lifts his head; now he's talking to his stretched-out feet. "But mostly I really wanted to blame Simon. A lot. Because he really was stupid. He could have told me. I would have helped. At the very least I could have told him about how to navigate blackout zones without getting arrested. And I was angry that he didn't trust me. I mean. Furious. And he made Rika cry."
He glances over at Gabriel. "This has a point, I swear. Just..." He waves a hand. "Context."
"So back to the conversation. He... explained to me his perception of why you tried to talk him out of it. And I told him that I didn't see how he'd even begin to be able to forgive getting ditched like that. And you know what he said?"
A very, very small smile. "He said that you didn't abandon him. You abandoned River. Not him. And I didn't say this next part to him, but it kind of stuck with me -- considering that he lost everything, how can he not see that as abandonment?"
He holds up a finger. "There's one more piece to this. And then I'm done."
The movement catches Jordie's eye. His head lifts; he looks at Gabriel (a little gravely, with something not quite apologetic), and doesn't say anything.
"What I don't think he realizes -- apart from the fact that yes, he was abandoned, and yes, that counts -- I don't think he realizes that with one exception, the rest of us abandoned him after. We didn't have good reasons for it. We were cowards. With one exception, we were all cowards."
"Dr. Jordan." A polite smile. "Nĭ hăo ."
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"The black dog runs at midnight," he intones.
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He looks visibly amused.
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"Now that we're both here, yes." A pause. "There was something you wanted to discuss?"
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Jordie shakes his head a little, and stretches out, crossing his legs at the ankle. "When he was here a year and a half ago -- we did a lot of talking. Catching up. Only he was the one with most of the talking, because let's face it -- " He's talking with his hands. "He was the one with exciting things going on. Not me."
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He remembers Simon telling him that they'd talked.
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Beat.
"The part with the blackout zones came up shortly thereafter. When he got arrested." Jordie holds up a hand. "And this probably isn't going where you think it's going. I just want to say that first thing."
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"All right." A pause. "I'm listening."
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He glances over at Gabriel. "This has a point, I swear. Just..." He waves a hand. "Context."
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Gabriel nods, not trusting himself to speak.
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A very, very small smile. "He said that you didn't abandon him. You abandoned River. Not him. And I didn't say this next part to him, but it kind of stuck with me -- considering that he lost everything, how can he not see that as abandonment?"
He holds up a finger. "There's one more piece to this. And then I'm done."
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He makes an abrupt movement with one hand, as though to push something away.
His other hand's clenched in a fist, drawn in close to his side.
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(you abandoned River)
The silence stretches.
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"So," he says, finally.
"What I don't think he realizes -- apart from the fact that yes, he was abandoned, and yes, that counts -- I don't think he realizes that with one exception, the rest of us abandoned him after. We didn't have good reasons for it. We were cowards. With one exception, we were all cowards."
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