Very Random Tangent
I feel like I've been forcing myself to be social the last few days. Since I landed back in Florida, I just don't want to be around anyone. Perhaps it's just built up resentment, after reminding myself of all that I've walked away from to be here. Or perhaps I'm trying, in some warped way, to just distance myself from everything to make a quick, painless exit.
It still seems so...surreal. Dreamlike, the best phrase I can muster. I can't believe I was there, still haven't realized how amazing everyone still is, can't begin to trust that everything was exactly as I had remembered- incredible. I miss my friends so very much. I miss that life I had just a short time ago. And now, this teaser is hinting that I may actually be able to go back to it.
And then I analyze the situation. Because, after all, it's what I do. Overanalyze, even. I think about movie trailers. Sometimes you see these great trailers, usually for comedies, and they've got all of these really great lines, and these outrageous scenes, and you think to yourself "I have to see that fucking movie!" And then you pay your eight bucks, sit in the theater for close to two hours, and find that the only really great parts were the ones that you didn't have to pay for, those flashes of humor that crept in during the middle of your favorite sitcom. And you just feel...cheated. Such high hopes, such expectations...and all you got was a weak storyline, bad acting, and poor delivery. Nuts to that.
I'm so afraid that my trip back home will be just like one of those damn foiling commercials. I've learned a lesson from film, I really have. Now, do I stand in line and buy my ticket, or do I go hang out at the bookstore across the street? Books are long-term commitments, you know. You pick up a book, pay about twenty bucks, and you've got a new friend for a couple of weeks. Well, if you read slowly...which I do. Hard to find the time, I'm pretty busy these days. Anyhow, I'm making excuses...So with a book, you're in it for an extended period of time, unlike a flick, where you sit there for a bit and afterwards decide if that two hour pat had any effect on you. I think, personally, books have to linger with you, simply because they take longer to complete, longer to comprehend and finish, even. And, with me, anytime I pick one up I feel like I have to read it all the way to that final page. Even if it drops, dwindles here and there, I never know if it could become something amazing by that last page. And some novels don't really come together until that final line, that last lingering message, the one that reminds us of the moral to the story. Books are like relationships, and movies, well...movies are just one night stands.
So, is this a one night fling? Or was California a single instance that just lasted too long (my whole life)? Have I started a new novel here in Florida? Sometimes I wonder. I feel like I have to stick around, to see what's on that final page at times. Then there are moments when I hope that it's just one of those epic films, like Ben-Hur or Schindler's List, the ones that make you sit around until your ass goes numb. Worthwhile most times in the end, but man....I think I'd rather read "War and Peace". At least I can do so at my own pace, not just in one sitting. And I can get up to go smoke and not miss a thing.
Man, I hope Florida isn't like "War and Peace".
Let's hope it's just one of those cheesy made-for-tv movies...you know, the ones you may catch the first part of, miss the second, but then catch the end and still feel like you're in the loop. TV flicks are easy like that- committal, but still loose. Like an "open relationship". Sure, you can home to them, but you don't have to stick it out through the night, you can go to the movies, you can pick up a book, still there they'll be the next night. And then, when you've picked up on the intent, on the message, they leave and you can always catch them on Lifetime a few years later. I think I need to go date a made-for-tv movie. Perhaps...
Anyhow, back to my point. Hmm...it was here somewhere...
I think what I really need these days is a rental. Or, I dunno, something like NetFlix. I can hang out here or in California for as long as I want, then return without any late fees. Essentially, without anyone even noticing I was gone. Man, that kind of dual residency (read: double life) would probably work well for me. My luck, I'd fall for a girl at Blockbuster and end up stuck renting from them for awhile. Dammit. And to think of all the savings NetFlix had to offer...
That's it, I'm really overthinking now. Time to do something mindless...guess I could just watch Jerry Springer. No thinking involved, and I can walk away at anytime, knowing someone was gonna take their clothes off or kick the shit out of each other by the end anyway. Sweet, mindless, smut. Viva la Voyuerism!
It still seems so...surreal. Dreamlike, the best phrase I can muster. I can't believe I was there, still haven't realized how amazing everyone still is, can't begin to trust that everything was exactly as I had remembered- incredible. I miss my friends so very much. I miss that life I had just a short time ago. And now, this teaser is hinting that I may actually be able to go back to it.
And then I analyze the situation. Because, after all, it's what I do. Overanalyze, even. I think about movie trailers. Sometimes you see these great trailers, usually for comedies, and they've got all of these really great lines, and these outrageous scenes, and you think to yourself "I have to see that fucking movie!" And then you pay your eight bucks, sit in the theater for close to two hours, and find that the only really great parts were the ones that you didn't have to pay for, those flashes of humor that crept in during the middle of your favorite sitcom. And you just feel...cheated. Such high hopes, such expectations...and all you got was a weak storyline, bad acting, and poor delivery. Nuts to that.
I'm so afraid that my trip back home will be just like one of those damn foiling commercials. I've learned a lesson from film, I really have. Now, do I stand in line and buy my ticket, or do I go hang out at the bookstore across the street? Books are long-term commitments, you know. You pick up a book, pay about twenty bucks, and you've got a new friend for a couple of weeks. Well, if you read slowly...which I do. Hard to find the time, I'm pretty busy these days. Anyhow, I'm making excuses...So with a book, you're in it for an extended period of time, unlike a flick, where you sit there for a bit and afterwards decide if that two hour pat had any effect on you. I think, personally, books have to linger with you, simply because they take longer to complete, longer to comprehend and finish, even. And, with me, anytime I pick one up I feel like I have to read it all the way to that final page. Even if it drops, dwindles here and there, I never know if it could become something amazing by that last page. And some novels don't really come together until that final line, that last lingering message, the one that reminds us of the moral to the story. Books are like relationships, and movies, well...movies are just one night stands.
So, is this a one night fling? Or was California a single instance that just lasted too long (my whole life)? Have I started a new novel here in Florida? Sometimes I wonder. I feel like I have to stick around, to see what's on that final page at times. Then there are moments when I hope that it's just one of those epic films, like Ben-Hur or Schindler's List, the ones that make you sit around until your ass goes numb. Worthwhile most times in the end, but man....I think I'd rather read "War and Peace". At least I can do so at my own pace, not just in one sitting. And I can get up to go smoke and not miss a thing.
Man, I hope Florida isn't like "War and Peace".
Let's hope it's just one of those cheesy made-for-tv movies...you know, the ones you may catch the first part of, miss the second, but then catch the end and still feel like you're in the loop. TV flicks are easy like that- committal, but still loose. Like an "open relationship". Sure, you can home to them, but you don't have to stick it out through the night, you can go to the movies, you can pick up a book, still there they'll be the next night. And then, when you've picked up on the intent, on the message, they leave and you can always catch them on Lifetime a few years later. I think I need to go date a made-for-tv movie. Perhaps...
Anyhow, back to my point. Hmm...it was here somewhere...
I think what I really need these days is a rental. Or, I dunno, something like NetFlix. I can hang out here or in California for as long as I want, then return without any late fees. Essentially, without anyone even noticing I was gone. Man, that kind of dual residency (read: double life) would probably work well for me. My luck, I'd fall for a girl at Blockbuster and end up stuck renting from them for awhile. Dammit. And to think of all the savings NetFlix had to offer...
That's it, I'm really overthinking now. Time to do something mindless...guess I could just watch Jerry Springer. No thinking involved, and I can walk away at anytime, knowing someone was gonna take their clothes off or kick the shit out of each other by the end anyway. Sweet, mindless, smut. Viva la Voyuerism!