(no subject)
I lie under the stars. To the left there are too many stars for my eyes to fix on. To the right there are only a few. My eyes trace their way down to earth, next to the sweetest sight on earth. I quickly glance up to the sky and hope my blue and red saviors didn't notice me. I lie next to over four hundred different pills. They are all for me. All four hundred. All for me.
I'm not looking for a sudden death. I'm looking for beauty. I've never actually flushed my system, but I've thought about it way too many times. These pills will reduce my stomach size to nearly three times smaller than it is now. It makes me feel wonderful to think of the results of these saviors. These pills. These beautiful pills.
I laugh and sprawl out in the grassy field. I look at my watch. It's about nine o'clock now. I should go home. My parents have most definitely finished their meals, and I ate a Jamie's house. I ate at Jamies house, right.
I kneel before the saviors again. I count all four hundred and collect them into my plastic baggy. I make sure no one is looking and I start to run. "Pick up the pace, you ugly bitch" My feet become lighter. "Run faster so you can take your pills." I run faster. "There's your house...now keep running" I obey and run for about an hour more. I find my way to the door and quietly walk in.
The first thing I hear is my mother. She quickly runs to grasp my arm and says, "Where have you been? Are you okay? You look sick? Do you want something to eat?"
I reply, "I'm just tired. I ate at Jamies. Please just leave me alone."
She forces me to eat a little bread and I run to "go to bed". I go down the hall into my room and run to the bathroom. I vomit the bread into the toilet bowl. Much better. I dress up into my warm pajamas, take five pills...
I drift away into a strange place. I can imagine myself... A year from now...with my ribs peircing my skin. I take ten more pills. My legs and arms nonexistant. I take 15 more pills. My hip bones jutting in the air. I take 25 more pills. It'd be beautiful. I take 30 more pills. ...Just beautiful...
I'm not looking for a sudden death. I'm looking for beauty. I've never actually flushed my system, but I've thought about it way too many times. These pills will reduce my stomach size to nearly three times smaller than it is now. It makes me feel wonderful to think of the results of these saviors. These pills. These beautiful pills.
I laugh and sprawl out in the grassy field. I look at my watch. It's about nine o'clock now. I should go home. My parents have most definitely finished their meals, and I ate a Jamie's house. I ate at Jamies house, right.
I kneel before the saviors again. I count all four hundred and collect them into my plastic baggy. I make sure no one is looking and I start to run. "Pick up the pace, you ugly bitch" My feet become lighter. "Run faster so you can take your pills." I run faster. "There's your house...now keep running" I obey and run for about an hour more. I find my way to the door and quietly walk in.
The first thing I hear is my mother. She quickly runs to grasp my arm and says, "Where have you been? Are you okay? You look sick? Do you want something to eat?"
I reply, "I'm just tired. I ate at Jamies. Please just leave me alone."
She forces me to eat a little bread and I run to "go to bed". I go down the hall into my room and run to the bathroom. I vomit the bread into the toilet bowl. Much better. I dress up into my warm pajamas, take five pills...
I drift away into a strange place. I can imagine myself... A year from now...with my ribs peircing my skin. I take ten more pills. My legs and arms nonexistant. I take 15 more pills. My hip bones jutting in the air. I take 25 more pills. It'd be beautiful. I take 30 more pills. ...Just beautiful...