And another
Question #2 (from this post)
How would you introduce an uninitiated sub to the world of bdsm?
There are a number of excellent books on SM including SM 101 and Screw the rose, send me the thorns. Once a person is interested. I take it really slowly. I will talk through what is interesting, what is maybe interesting and what is a flat no. To start out, I would recommend having plain, ordinary, vanilla sex with the person on the first date. This gives you an good idea of their sexual response and interests. It also establishes communication that will be really useful. I suggest that the first scene be abrasion. Have them close their eyes and stimulate their naked body with brushes, fur, silk, leather. Concentrate on stroking, starting with broad strokes and making them smaller and lighter. This will eventually hyper-sensitize the skin. Given enough time, these small strokes become very, very powerful. As you go on, add scratchy sensations like stiff brushes. these should be even more powerful. Add tempature place by chilling or warming pieces of steel or glass.
At one party, a nice gay couple observed this scene being done and one said to the other "that, if you are willing to do that, you can tie me up."
Is there a set process, does it depend on the person?
That is the way I approach most scenes because it works well and you can build on it. You can modify it according to what they want. If they want dominance, add a few orders of low impact. If they want humiliation, add the term "naughty" or "slut" and see how it is received. If someone is interested in bondage, you can pin their body with yours and jack them off, allow them the feel the control without putting themselves in restraints.
What kind of things make you advise the sub to steer clear of bdsm?
Needing someone to run their life because it is such a mess. You need to come to the dungeon with your house in order. Active addiction, joblessness, broken relationships are all bad indicators and should be taken very seriously. The top assumes partial responsibility for the subs emotional well being and this can be an overwhelming burden. If someone doesn't have their shit together before they try SM, it will become rapidly apparent. People with large emotional issues are not going to have a good time in SM and neither is anyone else.
What kinds of qualities make a sub perfect for bdsm, or at least, well-suited?
They need strong personality and worldview, you can't exchange power if you don't have any. Intelligence and education go long way. I also note that pretty much without exception, subbies LOVE to perform oral sex and will go out their way to enjoy it.
How would you introduce an uninitiated sub to the world of bdsm?
There are a number of excellent books on SM including SM 101 and Screw the rose, send me the thorns. Once a person is interested. I take it really slowly. I will talk through what is interesting, what is maybe interesting and what is a flat no. To start out, I would recommend having plain, ordinary, vanilla sex with the person on the first date. This gives you an good idea of their sexual response and interests. It also establishes communication that will be really useful. I suggest that the first scene be abrasion. Have them close their eyes and stimulate their naked body with brushes, fur, silk, leather. Concentrate on stroking, starting with broad strokes and making them smaller and lighter. This will eventually hyper-sensitize the skin. Given enough time, these small strokes become very, very powerful. As you go on, add scratchy sensations like stiff brushes. these should be even more powerful. Add tempature place by chilling or warming pieces of steel or glass.
At one party, a nice gay couple observed this scene being done and one said to the other "that, if you are willing to do that, you can tie me up."
Is there a set process, does it depend on the person?
That is the way I approach most scenes because it works well and you can build on it. You can modify it according to what they want. If they want dominance, add a few orders of low impact. If they want humiliation, add the term "naughty" or "slut" and see how it is received. If someone is interested in bondage, you can pin their body with yours and jack them off, allow them the feel the control without putting themselves in restraints.
What kind of things make you advise the sub to steer clear of bdsm?
Needing someone to run their life because it is such a mess. You need to come to the dungeon with your house in order. Active addiction, joblessness, broken relationships are all bad indicators and should be taken very seriously. The top assumes partial responsibility for the subs emotional well being and this can be an overwhelming burden. If someone doesn't have their shit together before they try SM, it will become rapidly apparent. People with large emotional issues are not going to have a good time in SM and neither is anyone else.
What kinds of qualities make a sub perfect for bdsm, or at least, well-suited?
They need strong personality and worldview, you can't exchange power if you don't have any. Intelligence and education go long way. I also note that pretty much without exception, subbies LOVE to perform oral sex and will go out their way to enjoy it.