i should know who i am by now.
I have all of a sudden become very aware of the fact that in a month and a half I'll be graduating from college...with a Bachelors degree in psychology. And then comes the question that people have been asking me since I first declared psych as my major and english as my minor.
What am I going to do with that?
Shit. I have no idea. And the fact that I have no idea scares the hell out of me, but at the same time it gives me this newfound freedom that I've never really had...or understood anyway. I really can do anything I want. Go anywhere I want to go. Okay, so I really cant be a doctor or anything like that, but I'm sure it's not as glamorous as Grey's Anatomy portrays it to be. And blood really does freak me out. And not having a Master's in Psych really does limit me. But I have options. I can write in fragments and volunteer. Make resumes for fun, and picture myself doing every job I may or may not be qualified for. I have dreams, and now, after 16 years or so of schooling, I have the opportunity to live them out, or get it started anyway.
One month. In one month I'm going to be on the verge of turning twenty-two and have a BS in psychology. BS. Bull Shit. I can't believe it. Because I still feel like I'm seventeen. And you can't be a grownup when you're seventeen. You can skip school to go surf or go to concerts and jump up and down, but now I'm going to have to work in the morning. How can I counsel people when I have yet to figure out everything that's wrong with me?
What have I gotten myself into?
One month. I'll be getting ready to close the final chapter of my college career. A chapter that, by itself, could be a book all on it's own. But at the same time, in one month it'll be over. And I'll become comfortable with another routine, in another house, in the country I've lived in my whole life...until 3 1/2 months ago. I can honestly say I've surprised myself with this one. I always thought studying abroad would be one of those things I'd always say I'd do but never really get around to doing so. I'm proud of this one. I'm learning spanish, using public transportation, and eating seafood. I'm going to discotecas and salsa nights, and meeting people I'll tell my kids about one day. I'm testing every relationship that's ever really meant something to me. And I've never been more positive that it's all going to be okay. I've missed out on things. Like weddings and funerals. Thursday nights, house parties, and surfing in a wetsuit. But I'm doing things I've never thought I would do. And I hope you let me share it all with you when I get back home.
I am in love.
With life, with this, and with you.
And with the possibility of where my life is going to lead me in the next few months.
So shut up, Paige.
This really isn't the time to get scared.
What am I going to do with that?
Shit. I have no idea. And the fact that I have no idea scares the hell out of me, but at the same time it gives me this newfound freedom that I've never really had...or understood anyway. I really can do anything I want. Go anywhere I want to go. Okay, so I really cant be a doctor or anything like that, but I'm sure it's not as glamorous as Grey's Anatomy portrays it to be. And blood really does freak me out. And not having a Master's in Psych really does limit me. But I have options. I can write in fragments and volunteer. Make resumes for fun, and picture myself doing every job I may or may not be qualified for. I have dreams, and now, after 16 years or so of schooling, I have the opportunity to live them out, or get it started anyway.
One month. In one month I'm going to be on the verge of turning twenty-two and have a BS in psychology. BS. Bull Shit. I can't believe it. Because I still feel like I'm seventeen. And you can't be a grownup when you're seventeen. You can skip school to go surf or go to concerts and jump up and down, but now I'm going to have to work in the morning. How can I counsel people when I have yet to figure out everything that's wrong with me?
What have I gotten myself into?
One month. I'll be getting ready to close the final chapter of my college career. A chapter that, by itself, could be a book all on it's own. But at the same time, in one month it'll be over. And I'll become comfortable with another routine, in another house, in the country I've lived in my whole life...until 3 1/2 months ago. I can honestly say I've surprised myself with this one. I always thought studying abroad would be one of those things I'd always say I'd do but never really get around to doing so. I'm proud of this one. I'm learning spanish, using public transportation, and eating seafood. I'm going to discotecas and salsa nights, and meeting people I'll tell my kids about one day. I'm testing every relationship that's ever really meant something to me. And I've never been more positive that it's all going to be okay. I've missed out on things. Like weddings and funerals. Thursday nights, house parties, and surfing in a wetsuit. But I'm doing things I've never thought I would do. And I hope you let me share it all with you when I get back home.
I am in love.
With life, with this, and with you.
And with the possibility of where my life is going to lead me in the next few months.
So shut up, Paige.
This really isn't the time to get scared.