(no subject)
Things have been odd lately. I don't really know how to explain it. There are wonderful things happening all around me and yet I am not happy. Maybe this is because none of these wonderful things are happening to me...I don't know...but I used to be happy just to see my friends happy but lately there are so many bad and annoying things happening to me that they are just pulling me down. I have been dealing with a lot of stuff lately that I just don't want to have to deal with. I don't want to have to feel like shit over a guy...but I do. I don't want to miss him when he's not around...but I do. I don't want to be jealous because he's with someone else...but I am. I don't like it. I don't like feeling this way. I know it's human but I have never been a jealous person and, honestly, it makes me feel weak to feel this. I really just don't know what to do. I don't know what is going on in my head. My behavior lately has been really out of sorts for me.
I was going to go to wings tonight with Leah and everyone, but I really just don't feel like being around a lot of people tonight.
I miss my family. I want nothing more than to drive down to Milton tell my Grandma everything and then fall, crying, into her arms...She would comfort me. When I get like this she is the only one who can. I miss her so much. It makes me extremely sad that I never get to see her. I miss my family in Germany too. More than words can express. It's been almost four years now since I have been home and I miss them all so much. It will be so different now. It will be so strange that my Opa will not be sitting at the end of the table...the window letting sunshine in at his back...a huge plate full of my Oma's food and a litter of beer in front of him. It will be strange that the house is remodeled and Martin lives upstairs now...with his wife and children, my cousins, who I have never met. Lisa will be graduating soon...and Sandra is in college now...she's gonna be a teacher, just like me. My family down in Chicago, they are so close yet so far away. I haven't seen my godson in two months now and at this age two months may as well be two years. He is growing so much and I feel like I am missing it all. Why does it feel so terrible that I miss all this stuff. I miss everything that is going on in the lives of the people that I love so much, for they are all so far away.
Of all the superpowers that all the superheros have in all the movies and comics the only one I wish I could have is the ability to fly. If I had that I would leave this place and never again would I have to feel sad or alone because when I missed my family or my friends that live so far away I could just fly to them and it would be okay. As it is, I am stuck here, in Winona...
New York's Not My Home ~~ Jim Croce
Well things were spinnin' round me
And all my thoughts were cloudy
And I had begun to doubt all the things that were me
Been in so many places
You know I've run so many races
And looked into the empty faces of the people of the night
And something is just not right, 'cause I know
That I gotta get out of here
I'm so alone
Don't you know that I gotta get out of here
'Cause New York's not my home
Though all the streets are crowded
There's somethin' strange about it
I Lived there bout a year and I never once felt at home
I thought I'd make the big time
I learned a lot of lessons awful quick
And now I'm tellin' you
That they were not the nice kind
And it's been so long since I have felt fine, that's the reason
That I gotta get out of here
I'm so alone
Don't you know that I gotta get out of here
'Cause New York's not my home
I was going to go to wings tonight with Leah and everyone, but I really just don't feel like being around a lot of people tonight.
I miss my family. I want nothing more than to drive down to Milton tell my Grandma everything and then fall, crying, into her arms...She would comfort me. When I get like this she is the only one who can. I miss her so much. It makes me extremely sad that I never get to see her. I miss my family in Germany too. More than words can express. It's been almost four years now since I have been home and I miss them all so much. It will be so different now. It will be so strange that my Opa will not be sitting at the end of the table...the window letting sunshine in at his back...a huge plate full of my Oma's food and a litter of beer in front of him. It will be strange that the house is remodeled and Martin lives upstairs now...with his wife and children, my cousins, who I have never met. Lisa will be graduating soon...and Sandra is in college now...she's gonna be a teacher, just like me. My family down in Chicago, they are so close yet so far away. I haven't seen my godson in two months now and at this age two months may as well be two years. He is growing so much and I feel like I am missing it all. Why does it feel so terrible that I miss all this stuff. I miss everything that is going on in the lives of the people that I love so much, for they are all so far away.
Of all the superpowers that all the superheros have in all the movies and comics the only one I wish I could have is the ability to fly. If I had that I would leave this place and never again would I have to feel sad or alone because when I missed my family or my friends that live so far away I could just fly to them and it would be okay. As it is, I am stuck here, in Winona...
New York's Not My Home ~~ Jim Croce
Well things were spinnin' round me
And all my thoughts were cloudy
And I had begun to doubt all the things that were me
Been in so many places
You know I've run so many races
And looked into the empty faces of the people of the night
And something is just not right, 'cause I know
That I gotta get out of here
I'm so alone
Don't you know that I gotta get out of here
'Cause New York's not my home
Though all the streets are crowded
There's somethin' strange about it
I Lived there bout a year and I never once felt at home
I thought I'd make the big time
I learned a lot of lessons awful quick
And now I'm tellin' you
That they were not the nice kind
And it's been so long since I have felt fine, that's the reason
That I gotta get out of here
I'm so alone
Don't you know that I gotta get out of here
'Cause New York's not my home