god, oh mighty, tasty god
To be honest, my favorite line i tote around about higher beings is this:
"God is a great imaginary friend. He's just not for me. "
..and i stick by that.
up until i found out that i had cancer this summer i was a hard-and-thorough atheist. at city college a few years back i took all the astronomy i could, it occurred to me that there is absolutely no way that Christianity had it right. that being said, death worried me immensely. it still does.
after what i've been through this summer, i am an atheist even more - if that is even possible. i cannot, with any certainty, imagine or contemplate a world that is not made of chance and randomness. i do not believe in fate. i do not believe in destiny. both of those beliefs bother me - that is, i kinda WANT to believe that i am destined for this, or that fate has something in mind for me, but after all the life changes i've gone through, and the complexities of patterns i've witnessed, i cannot grasp that my world is anything but random.
that being said, i find many, MANY odd occurrences that cannot be explained by pure chance. so in that sense, i'm sorta an agnostic when it comes to chance - i'm pretty damn sure everything is created from the patterns of randomness, but then again, i do employ a level of uncertainty.
i will say that my life would be a SHITLOAD easier if i believed in jesus and the saints and all the prophets (alanis, i love that song) , and i could totally ask god for help in my suffering and ask WHY ON EARTH A 25 YEAR OLD HEALTHY WOMAN WOULD GET CANCER, but i know there would be no answer from above, because there is no reason. i am a statistic. i am a random occurrence.
it is certainly something that art and i disagree on - he's more in the "possibly too many coincidences to be just chance category", like an optimistic agnostic, as i understand, but then again, he hasn't had my life.
when i was growing up, i very badly wanted to believe in god. although my family was agnostic/atheist, i insisted that i find a family to go to church with. i tagged along with a friend and her family for almost a year. then i decided it was bullshit, and i stopped going. i also remember that it irritated me that i was expected to memorize things and do church-homework. i was eight.
i could go on and on about this, but i'd like your feedback on what i've said so far. that's the problem with emails: i can ramble on, but have NO idea how or what your reactions will be like. so, i pause, and eagerly await your thoughts.
feedback? thoughts? comments? questions? meow?
"God is a great imaginary friend. He's just not for me. "
..and i stick by that.
up until i found out that i had cancer this summer i was a hard-and-thorough atheist. at city college a few years back i took all the astronomy i could, it occurred to me that there is absolutely no way that Christianity had it right. that being said, death worried me immensely. it still does.
after what i've been through this summer, i am an atheist even more - if that is even possible. i cannot, with any certainty, imagine or contemplate a world that is not made of chance and randomness. i do not believe in fate. i do not believe in destiny. both of those beliefs bother me - that is, i kinda WANT to believe that i am destined for this, or that fate has something in mind for me, but after all the life changes i've gone through, and the complexities of patterns i've witnessed, i cannot grasp that my world is anything but random.
that being said, i find many, MANY odd occurrences that cannot be explained by pure chance. so in that sense, i'm sorta an agnostic when it comes to chance - i'm pretty damn sure everything is created from the patterns of randomness, but then again, i do employ a level of uncertainty.
i will say that my life would be a SHITLOAD easier if i believed in jesus and the saints and all the prophets (alanis, i love that song) , and i could totally ask god for help in my suffering and ask WHY ON EARTH A 25 YEAR OLD HEALTHY WOMAN WOULD GET CANCER, but i know there would be no answer from above, because there is no reason. i am a statistic. i am a random occurrence.
it is certainly something that art and i disagree on - he's more in the "possibly too many coincidences to be just chance category", like an optimistic agnostic, as i understand, but then again, he hasn't had my life.
when i was growing up, i very badly wanted to believe in god. although my family was agnostic/atheist, i insisted that i find a family to go to church with. i tagged along with a friend and her family for almost a year. then i decided it was bullshit, and i stopped going. i also remember that it irritated me that i was expected to memorize things and do church-homework. i was eight.
i could go on and on about this, but i'd like your feedback on what i've said so far. that's the problem with emails: i can ramble on, but have NO idea how or what your reactions will be like. so, i pause, and eagerly await your thoughts.
feedback? thoughts? comments? questions? meow?