(no subject)
Alrighty then..wow, it's been forever since a serious post.
My life has been going crazy lately but my journey has been a long one and still continuing.
Each day, I come to more conclusions. Each day I discover more and more what I want, what I need, and where I want to be in life..because..at 21..almost 22..this isn't the direction I saw my life going in.
I'm not where I wanted to be, but I guess that's just the way life works. Instead, it has taken me in a new direction..
I have yet to discover why I'm here..maybe perhaps, I'll never figure that out..maybe I won't for another 10 years..who knows.
I'm still learning more and more everyday who exactly I am as a person. I've grown SO much in the past 8 months..and even though I fell off the track yet again at some point during all that, I'm back on and vastly increasing speed.
I'm making things better..making things right.
I ended my relationship with Greg..quite frankly..I love him as a person, I love who he is and what he means to me..but the minute I questioned if I was IN love with him..I knew it was over. At one point in my mind, I believed he was "the one" but I now know if that was true, then the person God has in store for me must be 93409230948 times that.
I honestly think I met that person a long time ago though..and actually have been running ever since from.
Honestly, every description you've ever heard of love..from the butterflies to the smiling for no reason..well, there is only one person in my entire span of 6 years of relationships, that has EVER made me feel that way. Like I was the only person in the world that existed except for him..and at this point, I feel as if I'm fully ready to sacrifice everything I've come to know to finally give us a chance, because I know he has sacrificed 6 years now. Our friendship and bond are pretty amazing.
In other news, this is one of the main reasons I am currently contemplating moving to Virginia for. Call me stupid, call me an idiot..call it a bad idea..but honestly, you aren't me. You do not have the feelings I have, and you do not control my heart. This is one of the few decisions I've made that I know I'm making the right one. There is no doubt in my mind for once. I haven't 100% made a decision..only because some of the best friends I've ever known and will ever know are here..but..at this point, I know some of those friendships are strong enough to survive, because there is no way I'd ever let them go. The distance would suck, horribly at that..but I know after 11+ years..nothing can come between those bonds.
So, call me a fool for taking a risk.
I'll just call you an idiot for not be willing to take a risk.
Life is entirely too short to never learn to truly live.
I know I'll be happy..and that's exactly why this is my decision to make, and no one else's(though Jen does have some influence! Ok Eric..you do too..)
I have 7 months to make this decision(and am staying single during those 7 months so no distractions from this life-changing decision can be had), but at this point..I'm pretty positive this is the right thing for me.
I want to get out of OP..out of FL..always have..and am finally being given the chance to do so.
Now if only Jen could find a Pharmacy school up there...
And I'm going back to enjoying my huge comfy bed in my sweet ass hotel room. A 10 hour work day is calling my name tomorrow!
G'night.
My life has been going crazy lately but my journey has been a long one and still continuing.
Each day, I come to more conclusions. Each day I discover more and more what I want, what I need, and where I want to be in life..because..at 21..almost 22..this isn't the direction I saw my life going in.
I'm not where I wanted to be, but I guess that's just the way life works. Instead, it has taken me in a new direction..
I have yet to discover why I'm here..maybe perhaps, I'll never figure that out..maybe I won't for another 10 years..who knows.
I'm still learning more and more everyday who exactly I am as a person. I've grown SO much in the past 8 months..and even though I fell off the track yet again at some point during all that, I'm back on and vastly increasing speed.
I'm making things better..making things right.
I ended my relationship with Greg..quite frankly..I love him as a person, I love who he is and what he means to me..but the minute I questioned if I was IN love with him..I knew it was over. At one point in my mind, I believed he was "the one" but I now know if that was true, then the person God has in store for me must be 93409230948 times that.
I honestly think I met that person a long time ago though..and actually have been running ever since from.
Honestly, every description you've ever heard of love..from the butterflies to the smiling for no reason..well, there is only one person in my entire span of 6 years of relationships, that has EVER made me feel that way. Like I was the only person in the world that existed except for him..and at this point, I feel as if I'm fully ready to sacrifice everything I've come to know to finally give us a chance, because I know he has sacrificed 6 years now. Our friendship and bond are pretty amazing.
In other news, this is one of the main reasons I am currently contemplating moving to Virginia for. Call me stupid, call me an idiot..call it a bad idea..but honestly, you aren't me. You do not have the feelings I have, and you do not control my heart. This is one of the few decisions I've made that I know I'm making the right one. There is no doubt in my mind for once. I haven't 100% made a decision..only because some of the best friends I've ever known and will ever know are here..but..at this point, I know some of those friendships are strong enough to survive, because there is no way I'd ever let them go. The distance would suck, horribly at that..but I know after 11+ years..nothing can come between those bonds.
So, call me a fool for taking a risk.
I'll just call you an idiot for not be willing to take a risk.
Life is entirely too short to never learn to truly live.
I know I'll be happy..and that's exactly why this is my decision to make, and no one else's(though Jen does have some influence! Ok Eric..you do too..)
I have 7 months to make this decision(and am staying single during those 7 months so no distractions from this life-changing decision can be had), but at this point..I'm pretty positive this is the right thing for me.
I want to get out of OP..out of FL..always have..and am finally being given the chance to do so.
Now if only Jen could find a Pharmacy school up there...
And I'm going back to enjoying my huge comfy bed in my sweet ass hotel room. A 10 hour work day is calling my name tomorrow!
G'night.