playing with fire...
is honesty the best policy?
i read a semi-interesting article in the globe and mail today that suggested, with the backing of a... 2000ish strong poll, that in relationships we all lie. we tell white lies more often than not, but we lie to the ones we care about the most about much more important things. real lies if you will. i wasn't sure how i felt about these stats until i caught myself telling a lie just a moment ago. and it was definitely a real lie. and it was to my bff. and it was about whether or not i had creeped my ex's fb. which i did. and of course i did. but come on now. i think she can probably guess that i did. and it's not even about her thinking or believing that i didn't. i think in this case i lied for myself. (duh). i think i lied in order to more accurately depict the person i want to be vs. the person i am. i know right, i'm defining here. oh well. that said, it wasn't to make her think more of me, but for me to think more of myself. which i know makes no sense because now i feel stupid for having lied, but here it is, my repentance. in any event, lie or no, fb creeping or no, i have made progress. only because i have been forced to, but progress is progress. and you're right, i should go into marketing. that said, i have to admire the strength and longevity of my feelings despite the way they are constantly motherfucking thrashed! it's like a ruddy old ship dashed against unwelcoming rocks and the base of forboding cliffs. whatever. i'm not really one for metaphors, but it is what i was imagining. you know, except feelings would replace the ship. something like that.
in my fb creeping, i also creeped my current crush. i say crush in the quintessential highschool sense. i know i'm getting over a very serious and important relationship, but this girl is giving me the butterflies yo. i go to work early so that i might see her. you know, that type of thing. i haven't really been able to think about anyone but her or the ex. and although the ex is a huge douche, the feelings don't just disappear. i wish they would though, so the creepy, happy feelings i'm feeling for the crush could feel more appropriate. i don't know. who really cares? i motherfuck do.
i think that despite my feeling that i don't have many friends to support me through times like this one, the fact is that i may have too many friends to support me through times like this one. so many that it is helping me to be lost in the waves of pleasant bbq's with too much chips and cheese and beer. they really help and i really deeply appreciate how each of these friends individually care for me, whether it's great or small. thank you friends! what helps a lot too is how i can count on some of them to listen to my incessant whining and complaining and every fucking new bit of bad news and their unending support. i know i could talk myself through this with enough time and effort, i mean, in the end, it's just another break up... or something. but i truly appreciate not having to always go it alone. thanks for the late nights friends!
wow, where is this post going?
anyway, butterflies/honesty: i'm getting past the point of caring about people's thresholds for what they can handle. i think what is becoming more and more important to me is finding someone or something that wants to handle what i want to handle and not anything less. i want to find someone who fucking enjoys getting the creeps too. and likes when people creep them. i mean come on. i wouldn't be creeping you if you weren't so damn desirable. and all i really expect in return is the truth. like, yo you're creepy eff you forever. or yeah baby you're creepy let's do it. you know, to some degree. i could go either way really.
but yo, the more i learn about the crush, which admittedly is next to nothing, the more insatiable she becomes. 'cause mother. fuck. yes.
i guess i've gone far enough with my creepiness for one night.
goodnight internets.
i read a semi-interesting article in the globe and mail today that suggested, with the backing of a... 2000ish strong poll, that in relationships we all lie. we tell white lies more often than not, but we lie to the ones we care about the most about much more important things. real lies if you will. i wasn't sure how i felt about these stats until i caught myself telling a lie just a moment ago. and it was definitely a real lie. and it was to my bff. and it was about whether or not i had creeped my ex's fb. which i did. and of course i did. but come on now. i think she can probably guess that i did. and it's not even about her thinking or believing that i didn't. i think in this case i lied for myself. (duh). i think i lied in order to more accurately depict the person i want to be vs. the person i am. i know right, i'm defining here. oh well. that said, it wasn't to make her think more of me, but for me to think more of myself. which i know makes no sense because now i feel stupid for having lied, but here it is, my repentance. in any event, lie or no, fb creeping or no, i have made progress. only because i have been forced to, but progress is progress. and you're right, i should go into marketing. that said, i have to admire the strength and longevity of my feelings despite the way they are constantly motherfucking thrashed! it's like a ruddy old ship dashed against unwelcoming rocks and the base of forboding cliffs. whatever. i'm not really one for metaphors, but it is what i was imagining. you know, except feelings would replace the ship. something like that.
in my fb creeping, i also creeped my current crush. i say crush in the quintessential highschool sense. i know i'm getting over a very serious and important relationship, but this girl is giving me the butterflies yo. i go to work early so that i might see her. you know, that type of thing. i haven't really been able to think about anyone but her or the ex. and although the ex is a huge douche, the feelings don't just disappear. i wish they would though, so the creepy, happy feelings i'm feeling for the crush could feel more appropriate. i don't know. who really cares? i motherfuck do.
i think that despite my feeling that i don't have many friends to support me through times like this one, the fact is that i may have too many friends to support me through times like this one. so many that it is helping me to be lost in the waves of pleasant bbq's with too much chips and cheese and beer. they really help and i really deeply appreciate how each of these friends individually care for me, whether it's great or small. thank you friends! what helps a lot too is how i can count on some of them to listen to my incessant whining and complaining and every fucking new bit of bad news and their unending support. i know i could talk myself through this with enough time and effort, i mean, in the end, it's just another break up... or something. but i truly appreciate not having to always go it alone. thanks for the late nights friends!
wow, where is this post going?
anyway, butterflies/honesty: i'm getting past the point of caring about people's thresholds for what they can handle. i think what is becoming more and more important to me is finding someone or something that wants to handle what i want to handle and not anything less. i want to find someone who fucking enjoys getting the creeps too. and likes when people creep them. i mean come on. i wouldn't be creeping you if you weren't so damn desirable. and all i really expect in return is the truth. like, yo you're creepy eff you forever. or yeah baby you're creepy let's do it. you know, to some degree. i could go either way really.
but yo, the more i learn about the crush, which admittedly is next to nothing, the more insatiable she becomes. 'cause mother. fuck. yes.
i guess i've gone far enough with my creepiness for one night.
goodnight internets.