On associates
This has been a long week. Non-work obligations include revising the the current list of Pelican candidates for an upcoming survey, having the annual meeting with my protege, and working on a contract for a potential new apprentice. Lots of SCA peer business.
The annual meeting is a personal requirement for all my associates. I have only 2 requirements of my associates: write 1 letter of recommendation and evaluate the relationship annually. The purpose is to review the past year and plan for the upcoming year. To make it special, I pay for dinner in a good restaurant.
Hilda and I went to Nakama, a new Japanese steakhouse and sushi bar on the South Side. These are both cuisines that Hilda really likes. Good food and fun show, but bad choice for a private conversation. In addition to family style seating, the noise level was intense. We ended up going down to Station Square for dessert so that we could have our talk.
The past 12 months have been really rough on both of us, and the next several months aren't going to get any better. In light of this, I asked Hilda if we should take a break, or even if we'd reached the end of the road with the association. We talked a lot about how our friendship doesn't depend on the association, on what we each get out of the relationship, and where we can take it given our current life situations.
This discussion and the talks I had with my potential apprentice have me evaluating my viewpoint on association. I'm really flattered that there are people out there who want this relationship with me, but am still working out the parameters of the situation. What is the benefit of contracting an association that my friends can't have of me for the asking? I'll teach them, advise them, or help with projects for free.
Ultimately, an association reflects status between both peer and associate. The belt not only establishes political status of someone tied into the SCA heirarchy, but as a symbol of my name and reputation. If I am admired, so are my associates, by virtue of carrying my name.
Is this worth enough to take on an admittedly subordinate role in a relationship? Or is it really a subordinate role? While I feel that my associates should respect my opinions and give weight to my suggestions, I'm there to help them more than the other way around. I may be the peer, but the major function of our association is for them to get what they need out of me. That's a weird dichotomy. I was surprised to discover that I am possessive of my associates. They are mine. At the same time, I serve them in their needs.
Of course, the whole 'reflected glory' thing also works both ways. There are many in the SCA who do not believe in this tie, but I believe that the actions of the apprentice reflect on the master. Therefore, I needed to discuss with my prospective apprentice that she would become a guardian of my name. In addition to learning from me, my associates protect my name and reputation by bearing it well. This realization makes me much more cautious about creating associations. The associate and I need to have a similar-enough outlook that we don't embarass each other by our actions.
It goes back to my high expectations of peer-like behavior. I believe I owe the SCA a certain standard of behavior. My associates have to accept that their behavior must reflect well on me.
Another interesting question to ponder was what do I get out of the relationship. My knee-jerk answer was that I enjoy sharing my knowledge and being able to help someone achieve their goals in the SCA. I am coming to realize that this is only a portion of the reason for having associates. By contracting associations, I create a microcosm of the SCA - a community of like-minded people who, by our efforts, can learn and enjoy the ideals of medieval life - whatever aspects of it please each of us individually. From that, hopefully, the SCA will grow. Boy, isn't that a vain statement.
Hilda's and my final decision was to continue our association, but take a break for a while. When Hilda gets back from their honeymoon, we're going to have a mid-year meeting and talk again. I'm happy we went this way - with a break Hilda won't have to feel pressured into working with me, and I won't feel like I'm letting her down by not providing more guidance.
Wow, staying up to cogitate all this was probably a bad idea. I have an early doctor's appointment thirty minutes drive away from home. Oh well, more on my week later.
The annual meeting is a personal requirement for all my associates. I have only 2 requirements of my associates: write 1 letter of recommendation and evaluate the relationship annually. The purpose is to review the past year and plan for the upcoming year. To make it special, I pay for dinner in a good restaurant.
Hilda and I went to Nakama, a new Japanese steakhouse and sushi bar on the South Side. These are both cuisines that Hilda really likes. Good food and fun show, but bad choice for a private conversation. In addition to family style seating, the noise level was intense. We ended up going down to Station Square for dessert so that we could have our talk.
The past 12 months have been really rough on both of us, and the next several months aren't going to get any better. In light of this, I asked Hilda if we should take a break, or even if we'd reached the end of the road with the association. We talked a lot about how our friendship doesn't depend on the association, on what we each get out of the relationship, and where we can take it given our current life situations.
This discussion and the talks I had with my potential apprentice have me evaluating my viewpoint on association. I'm really flattered that there are people out there who want this relationship with me, but am still working out the parameters of the situation. What is the benefit of contracting an association that my friends can't have of me for the asking? I'll teach them, advise them, or help with projects for free.
Ultimately, an association reflects status between both peer and associate. The belt not only establishes political status of someone tied into the SCA heirarchy, but as a symbol of my name and reputation. If I am admired, so are my associates, by virtue of carrying my name.
Is this worth enough to take on an admittedly subordinate role in a relationship? Or is it really a subordinate role? While I feel that my associates should respect my opinions and give weight to my suggestions, I'm there to help them more than the other way around. I may be the peer, but the major function of our association is for them to get what they need out of me. That's a weird dichotomy. I was surprised to discover that I am possessive of my associates. They are mine. At the same time, I serve them in their needs.
Of course, the whole 'reflected glory' thing also works both ways. There are many in the SCA who do not believe in this tie, but I believe that the actions of the apprentice reflect on the master. Therefore, I needed to discuss with my prospective apprentice that she would become a guardian of my name. In addition to learning from me, my associates protect my name and reputation by bearing it well. This realization makes me much more cautious about creating associations. The associate and I need to have a similar-enough outlook that we don't embarass each other by our actions.
It goes back to my high expectations of peer-like behavior. I believe I owe the SCA a certain standard of behavior. My associates have to accept that their behavior must reflect well on me.
Another interesting question to ponder was what do I get out of the relationship. My knee-jerk answer was that I enjoy sharing my knowledge and being able to help someone achieve their goals in the SCA. I am coming to realize that this is only a portion of the reason for having associates. By contracting associations, I create a microcosm of the SCA - a community of like-minded people who, by our efforts, can learn and enjoy the ideals of medieval life - whatever aspects of it please each of us individually. From that, hopefully, the SCA will grow. Boy, isn't that a vain statement.
Hilda's and my final decision was to continue our association, but take a break for a while. When Hilda gets back from their honeymoon, we're going to have a mid-year meeting and talk again. I'm happy we went this way - with a break Hilda won't have to feel pressured into working with me, and I won't feel like I'm letting her down by not providing more guidance.
Wow, staying up to cogitate all this was probably a bad idea. I have an early doctor's appointment thirty minutes drive away from home. Oh well, more on my week later.