Fic: Choices (for jo02)
Title: Choices
Author: lefaym
Beta: Many thanks to amand_r
Fandom: Torchwood
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Gwen, Jack, [Jack/Ianto]
Summary: After a close call, Gwen and Jack discuss Ianto's future.
Rating: PG for dark themes.
Disclaimer: RTD and the BBC own these characters.
Spoilers/Warnings: None.
Word Count: Approx 1,160 words.
A/N: This was written for jo02, as part of the first help_haiti lightning round. Jo kindly donated $10 AUD to the Australian Red Cross, and requested a pre-CoE ficlet in which Jack and Gwen have a conversation that would make a J/I shipper happy. I am worried that this may be slightly more melancholy than you would have liked, Jo, but nonetheless, I hope that it's happy-making from a shippy perspective.
Choices
Gwen breathed in deeply, the smell of hospital disinfectant invading her nostrils. The small monitor beside the bed gave the occasional reassuring beep, and across the room from her sat Jack, who was staring intently at the IV drip attached to the unconscious form of Ianto Jones.
“He should be awake in a few hours,” Gwen said, even though she knew that Jack had heard everything the doctors had told them not five minutes ago. “He’ll be fine.”
It was easier to believe that now that a crisp white hospital sheet covered most of Ianto’s torso, hiding the bandages which in turn hid the deep gashes across his stomach. Gwen exhaled slowly. This one had been close.
“You should go home to Rhys,” Jack said.
“You’ll wait with Ianto?”
“Yeah...” Jack’s voice was strained.
“Jack? If you need me to stay instead...”
Jack shook his head. “I’ll stay.”
Gwen felt herself sigh with relief. It wasn’t that she minded staying with Ianto, exactly, but she was tired and sore, and she was looking forward to her bed, with Rhys warm beside her. “Ianto’ll be glad to see you, when he wakes up.”
“I suppose.” There was something strangely reluctant-even uncertain-about Jack’s words. Of course, Jack was shaken by this close call, but it seemed like more than that, too. There was something going through Jack’s head here that Gwen couldn’t quite identify.
“Did you two have a fight or something?” Gwen asked, searching for the reason behind Jack’s strange tone.
“What? No, no fight,” said Jack absently.
Part of Gwen though she should just go and leave Jack to sort out whatever was bothering him in his own time. But another part of her knew that if she did that it would eat away at her when she got home, so instead she said, “Well, what’s wrong then?”
Jack looked up at her then, with one of those intense stares that told her she was very close to crossing a line, but Gwen stared back at him levelly. “Come on, Jack,” she said.
Jack closed his eyes. “I wonder,” Jack said, “if it really is the best thing for me to be there when he wakes up.”
“I think he’d rather not wake up alone. And he’d probably prefer you to be there, of all people.”
“This isn’t about preferences.”
“What’s it about then?”
“It’s just-sometimes I think that it would be better... if he woke up and didn’t remember me at all.”
“What?” Gwen felt something in her stomach twist. “Jack, what the hell are you talking about?”
Jack opened his eyes, and smiled at her bitterly. “Maybe he’d be happier if Torchwood didn’t exist for him anymore.”
Gwen still felt vaguely ill. “Why would you even think about-that?”
“One of these days,” said Jack softly, “it’s going to be too late for him. One day, we won’t be able to save him.”
“Jack, don’t talk like that,” said Gwen, trying to keep the tremor out of her voice. Her memories of Owen and Tosh were still too fresh.
“If I gave him retcon,” Jack continued, as though he hadn’t heard her, “he could have a life. A family, kids, pets...”
“Jack-”
“He’d be a good husband,” Jack said quietly. “A great father. He could have a house and a mortgage, and all of that.”
“But Ianto chose this,” Gwen reminded him.
Jack sighed. “He chose it because he was desperate.”
“Not anymore. That’s not why he chooses it now.”
“Isn’t it?”
Gwen opened her mouth to protest, and then closed it again.
“Well, maybe not desperate,” Jack conceded. “But I think he forgets sometimes that there was ever any other option for him.”
“Even if that’s true,” said Gwen, “do you really think he would choose anything else? He wants this, Jack.”
“We don’t always want what’s best for us.”
“What makes you think you get to decide what’s best for him?”
“I’m the boss.”
“Bloody hell, Jack Harkness,” said Gwen, her voice suddenly low and angry. “If you really feel that way, then why don’t you just pump his IV full of retcon now? Save yourself the misery.”
Jack raised his eyes to hers, and suddenly, Gwen was frightened. She wondered, right then, if she really could stop him if he tried.
“You should go,” said Jack firmly.
“Jack, tell me that you’re not really considering this.”
“Gwen, go.”
“Tell me, Jack.”
For a moment, the look in Jack’s eyes was so sharp that she almost tuned away. But she forced herself to stand still. She couldn’t leave until she was sure.
“Do you remember Jasmine?” said Jack, suddenly.
“Jasmine?” Gwen blinked, startled by the sudden change in topic. “You mean-the girl you gave to the fairies?”
Jack gave Gwen a small, curt nod. “You didn’t look at me straight for a week after that. Tosh and Owen, too.”
Gwen struggled to respond for a moment, as she carefully kept her gaze focused on Jack’s face. “It was-hard, Jack. She was just a little girl. And her mother-”
Jack raised his hand with his palm outward, shaking his head slightly. “It’s okay. I get it.”
“What of it then?”
“Ianto-he looked at me.”
Gwen struggled to remember if she’d even discussed that incident with Ianto. She hadn’t really talked to him much before Jack had disappeared that time. “He wasn’t mad at you?” she asked Jack, finally.
“Oh, he was mad. He was mad about a lot of things in those days. But he looked at me. He’d get me coffee, or he’d tidy my office, and he’d look at me-and I knew it would be okay. If he could stand to look at me, then you’d all come around too.”
Gwen tried to find a response to that, but before she could, Jack spoke again.
“I need that, Gwen,” he said simply. “I can’t give it up.”
“You need him, you mean,” Gwen corrected him.
Jack inclined his head briefly. “So you don’t need to worry,” he said. “Ianto will remember everything in the morning.”
Gwen hesitated only a moment before she stepped forward and crossed the room. Bending down, she pressed her lips lightly to Jack’s cheek. “He’ll be glad he remembers everything too,” she said softly, looking into Jack’s eyes. “I know he wouldn’t change any of this, not even if you offered him the choice.”
Jack raised his hand to her face. “I know,” he said.
Gwen felt Jack’s fingers trail along her jaw-line as she straightened. “Goodnight, Jack.”
“’Night, Gwen.” As he spoke, Jack turned his gaze back to Ianto, and gently took one of his hands, careful not to dislodge the IV drip. “I’ll see you tomorrow. And so will Ianto.”
Gwen looked down at them for a few seconds, a small sad smile playing on her lips, and then she turned and left the room, as quietly as she could.
Author: lefaym
Beta: Many thanks to amand_r
Fandom: Torchwood
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Gwen, Jack, [Jack/Ianto]
Summary: After a close call, Gwen and Jack discuss Ianto's future.
Rating: PG for dark themes.
Disclaimer: RTD and the BBC own these characters.
Spoilers/Warnings: None.
Word Count: Approx 1,160 words.
A/N: This was written for jo02, as part of the first help_haiti lightning round. Jo kindly donated $10 AUD to the Australian Red Cross, and requested a pre-CoE ficlet in which Jack and Gwen have a conversation that would make a J/I shipper happy. I am worried that this may be slightly more melancholy than you would have liked, Jo, but nonetheless, I hope that it's happy-making from a shippy perspective.
Choices
Gwen breathed in deeply, the smell of hospital disinfectant invading her nostrils. The small monitor beside the bed gave the occasional reassuring beep, and across the room from her sat Jack, who was staring intently at the IV drip attached to the unconscious form of Ianto Jones.
“He should be awake in a few hours,” Gwen said, even though she knew that Jack had heard everything the doctors had told them not five minutes ago. “He’ll be fine.”
It was easier to believe that now that a crisp white hospital sheet covered most of Ianto’s torso, hiding the bandages which in turn hid the deep gashes across his stomach. Gwen exhaled slowly. This one had been close.
“You should go home to Rhys,” Jack said.
“You’ll wait with Ianto?”
“Yeah...” Jack’s voice was strained.
“Jack? If you need me to stay instead...”
Jack shook his head. “I’ll stay.”
Gwen felt herself sigh with relief. It wasn’t that she minded staying with Ianto, exactly, but she was tired and sore, and she was looking forward to her bed, with Rhys warm beside her. “Ianto’ll be glad to see you, when he wakes up.”
“I suppose.” There was something strangely reluctant-even uncertain-about Jack’s words. Of course, Jack was shaken by this close call, but it seemed like more than that, too. There was something going through Jack’s head here that Gwen couldn’t quite identify.
“Did you two have a fight or something?” Gwen asked, searching for the reason behind Jack’s strange tone.
“What? No, no fight,” said Jack absently.
Part of Gwen though she should just go and leave Jack to sort out whatever was bothering him in his own time. But another part of her knew that if she did that it would eat away at her when she got home, so instead she said, “Well, what’s wrong then?”
Jack looked up at her then, with one of those intense stares that told her she was very close to crossing a line, but Gwen stared back at him levelly. “Come on, Jack,” she said.
Jack closed his eyes. “I wonder,” Jack said, “if it really is the best thing for me to be there when he wakes up.”
“I think he’d rather not wake up alone. And he’d probably prefer you to be there, of all people.”
“This isn’t about preferences.”
“What’s it about then?”
“It’s just-sometimes I think that it would be better... if he woke up and didn’t remember me at all.”
“What?” Gwen felt something in her stomach twist. “Jack, what the hell are you talking about?”
Jack opened his eyes, and smiled at her bitterly. “Maybe he’d be happier if Torchwood didn’t exist for him anymore.”
Gwen still felt vaguely ill. “Why would you even think about-that?”
“One of these days,” said Jack softly, “it’s going to be too late for him. One day, we won’t be able to save him.”
“Jack, don’t talk like that,” said Gwen, trying to keep the tremor out of her voice. Her memories of Owen and Tosh were still too fresh.
“If I gave him retcon,” Jack continued, as though he hadn’t heard her, “he could have a life. A family, kids, pets...”
“Jack-”
“He’d be a good husband,” Jack said quietly. “A great father. He could have a house and a mortgage, and all of that.”
“But Ianto chose this,” Gwen reminded him.
Jack sighed. “He chose it because he was desperate.”
“Not anymore. That’s not why he chooses it now.”
“Isn’t it?”
Gwen opened her mouth to protest, and then closed it again.
“Well, maybe not desperate,” Jack conceded. “But I think he forgets sometimes that there was ever any other option for him.”
“Even if that’s true,” said Gwen, “do you really think he would choose anything else? He wants this, Jack.”
“We don’t always want what’s best for us.”
“What makes you think you get to decide what’s best for him?”
“I’m the boss.”
“Bloody hell, Jack Harkness,” said Gwen, her voice suddenly low and angry. “If you really feel that way, then why don’t you just pump his IV full of retcon now? Save yourself the misery.”
Jack raised his eyes to hers, and suddenly, Gwen was frightened. She wondered, right then, if she really could stop him if he tried.
“You should go,” said Jack firmly.
“Jack, tell me that you’re not really considering this.”
“Gwen, go.”
“Tell me, Jack.”
For a moment, the look in Jack’s eyes was so sharp that she almost tuned away. But she forced herself to stand still. She couldn’t leave until she was sure.
“Do you remember Jasmine?” said Jack, suddenly.
“Jasmine?” Gwen blinked, startled by the sudden change in topic. “You mean-the girl you gave to the fairies?”
Jack gave Gwen a small, curt nod. “You didn’t look at me straight for a week after that. Tosh and Owen, too.”
Gwen struggled to respond for a moment, as she carefully kept her gaze focused on Jack’s face. “It was-hard, Jack. She was just a little girl. And her mother-”
Jack raised his hand with his palm outward, shaking his head slightly. “It’s okay. I get it.”
“What of it then?”
“Ianto-he looked at me.”
Gwen struggled to remember if she’d even discussed that incident with Ianto. She hadn’t really talked to him much before Jack had disappeared that time. “He wasn’t mad at you?” she asked Jack, finally.
“Oh, he was mad. He was mad about a lot of things in those days. But he looked at me. He’d get me coffee, or he’d tidy my office, and he’d look at me-and I knew it would be okay. If he could stand to look at me, then you’d all come around too.”
Gwen tried to find a response to that, but before she could, Jack spoke again.
“I need that, Gwen,” he said simply. “I can’t give it up.”
“You need him, you mean,” Gwen corrected him.
Jack inclined his head briefly. “So you don’t need to worry,” he said. “Ianto will remember everything in the morning.”
Gwen hesitated only a moment before she stepped forward and crossed the room. Bending down, she pressed her lips lightly to Jack’s cheek. “He’ll be glad he remembers everything too,” she said softly, looking into Jack’s eyes. “I know he wouldn’t change any of this, not even if you offered him the choice.”
Jack raised his hand to her face. “I know,” he said.
Gwen felt Jack’s fingers trail along her jaw-line as she straightened. “Goodnight, Jack.”
“’Night, Gwen.” As he spoke, Jack turned his gaze back to Ianto, and gently took one of his hands, careful not to dislodge the IV drip. “I’ll see you tomorrow. And so will Ianto.”
Gwen looked down at them for a few seconds, a small sad smile playing on her lips, and then she turned and left the room, as quietly as she could.