Fic: Unbidden

[lefaym]

Title: Unbidden
Author: lefaym
Betas: jo02 who took the crappy first draft I sent her and beat it into shape with her MIGHTY SKILLZ, and used_songs who suggested some perfect finishing touches.
Fandom: Torchwood
Pairing(s): Lisa/Ianto, Jack/Ianto
Summary: Ianto tries to remember Lisa as she was.
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: RTD and the BBC own everything.
Spoilers/

Comments

[lefaym]

Well, I don't think it's a conscious realisation -- I agree that he's still too invested in Lisa at this point. But I do think it's the point when his subconscious starts moving on -- and then his conscious mind reacts against that fiercely, causing him to dig his heals in so much further.

When I think about Ianto in the first half of S1, I see someone who is in so much denial -- not just denial relating to whether or not he can save Lisa, but also regarding his own place in the world. I remember when Fragments first aired, a lot of people said that Ianto's dinosaur catcing abilities didn't match up with the distaste he showed for fieldwork in Countrycide, but I think we had already seen evidence of that sort of discconnect in Ianto's character -- for instance, in the "Do you need me to do any attacking, sir?" in Day One. When Ianto told Tosh that he didn't understand how they could enjoy it, he was being completely disingenous -- I think that after Canary Wharf, and moreso after Cyberwoman, Ianto simply wanted to dissociate himself from the whole Torchwood ethic as much as possible. He stayed because it was the only thing he knew (and the alternative would mean forgetting Lisa), so he tried as hard as possible to convince himself that he was not like them, that there was nothing he enjoyed about the fieldwork aspect of the job, etc.

[neifile7]

Since I'm catching up on commenting, I just noticed that I never responded to this last properly. :) Take this as a pendant to my comments on "Dark Chocolate."

I'm intrigued by your take on Ianto's disingenuousness in Countrycide. I agree that there might be a need to disassociate, but I think that Ianto is also in a position of needing to prove himself to the team (and semi-canonically, via the Captain's Blog, Jack is pushing him into the field to integrate him with the others). All of which makes his passive-aggressive response to Gwen's silly snog quiz the more intriguing, btw, to say nothing of his self-sacrifice for Tosh.

Again, what I think comes through here, and even more in Dark Chocolate, is that Ianto feels several conflicting emotions simultaneously, and in spite of his best efforts doesn't compartmentalize them very effectively -- they blur and spill over in ways that trouble and excite him. Your ability to convey this, when you dig beneath the surface, is one of the things I most admire in your writing, and you never go OTT.

You also have a gift for using specific sex acts to convey precise emotions (see my comments on "Wine Glasses" and "Power Play"), as with your layering of memory and fantasy here. Just keeps getting stronger all the time!

[lefaym]

Yes, I see what you mean about the need to prove himself -- as you say, I think that conflicting emotions is the key here. And as for his response to Gwen's snog question -- not only is it passive aggressive in itself, but it has the added layer of whether or not it's even truthful.

And thank you for all the nice things you're saying about my writing. *blush* I guess I just figure that if I can't come up with a decent plot, at least I can try to make each sex act say something. I'm glad it works for you. :)