Fic: Never Just Once
Title: Never Just Once
Author:
lefaym
Beta: Many thanks to lionessvalenti
Fandom: Star Wars (Original Trilogy Only)
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Luke/Leia
Summary: Sometimes, it has to be everything or nothing.
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: George Lucas legally owns all Star Wars stuff.
Word Count: Approx. 1500 words.
Content Note: Obviously, Luke and Leia are brother and sister, and this fic deals with the idea of them having romantic feelings for each other. However, they don't actually have sex in this story, and I think in a lot of ways this just deals with the implications of stuff that happens in episodes IV and V, so if you're okay with watching those movies, I think you're probably going to be okay with this fic.
A/N: This was written for vann as part of the fandom_stocking exchange.
Cross-posted to AO3
Never Just Once
The red sun of Reejis shone softly on the palace grounds, illuminating the rich yellow grass, and the deep blue stone from which the palace had been carved. Many of those who had apartments in the palace had thrown their windows open, allowing the late afternoon light to enter, barely distorted by the invisible deflector shields that always remained in place.
In one such room, Leia Organa sat on the edge of a large bed, watching intently as her brother bowed three times, carefully holding his left hand behind his back.
“How was that?” Luke asked, when he was done. “Will I impress everyone at the Delessian embassy?”
Leia observed him critically for a moment. “Don’t forget to hold your right foot forward.”
Luke adjusted his stance. “Better?”
Leia nodded. “Much. Oh, and don’t forget, keep your eyes--”
“Keep my eyes on the floor in front of me.”
“Eye contact implies an intimate relationship for the Delessians,” Leia reminded him.
Luke looked at her. “I’ll remember that.”
“Now, when you greet the Xarat--”
“Leia.” Luke turned his entire body towards her now. “You know I can get Threepio to teach me all this stuff, right?”
Luke’s tone wasn’t dismissive, but Leia couldn’t help but feel hurt anyway. “You’d rather practice with Threepio?”
Luke shook his head, smiling. “Of course not. It’s just--”
“Just what?”
Luke sat down beside her, slipping his hand into hers. “It’s just I can sense that you don’t really want to be here. You want to be somewhere else, but-- there’s something holding you back.”
Leia glared at him. Sometimes he still looked so much like the farmboy from Tatooine that it was easy for Leia to forget that he was a Jedi now. “You have no business being in my feelings, Luke Skywalker.”
“I’m sorry,” said Luke. “I try not to most of the time, but... it’s difficult with you.”
Leia tried to squash her anger and embarrassment. She nodded. “I can feel you sometimes, too, even when you aren’t sending to me. Just flashes, usually.”
“It gets stronger when you practice,” Luke told her. “When you grow stronger in the Force.”
Leia shuddered. “I’m not sure that I want to be in people’s heads all the time.”
“It’s not exactly being in someone’s head. It’s more feeling the way a person’s emotions affect the Force.”
Well, that was a relief. Sort of. “So you know what I’m feeling, but not what I’m thinking?”
“Something like that. I’d have to try harder, be more focused, if I wanted to read your thoughts. Though I think I have a pretty good idea of who you’re thinking about anyway.”
Leia tried to keep her face perfectly still. “What do you mean?”
“Well, in the two weeks since we’ve left Endor, you’ve been busy almost every moment. We all have. This is the first chance any of us have had to relax-- the first time any of us have had private quarters too. You and Han-- I know you’ve both been looking forward to this.”
“Did you feel that too?”
Luke at least had the decency to blush at that. His discomposure gave Leia a moment to gather her thoughts. She had been looking forward to time alone with Han. In fact, she had some very detailed ideas about how they might use that time. Except--
Leia sighed. “I was still a girl when I began to serve as an Imperial Senator for Alderaan,” she said. “All my life, I never had time for anything but education and duty. No time for romance, or love affairs, or anything like that.”
Luke squeezed her hand. “That must have been lonely.”
“It was, I suppose. I didn’t really notice at the time. But now...”
“But now?”
“Now there’s Han, and he’s wonderful and infuriating, and I want to kiss him and punch him at the same time sometimes. I want him as my equal, I want him to respect me, but... Luke, he’s so much more experienced with these things than I am. He’s probably had a hundred lovers, and I’ve-- I’ve never--” Leia stopped short as blood rushed to her face. “Han’s going to think of me as a little girl,” she finished.
Luke looked at her for a long moment before saying anything. “I’ve sensed Han’s feelings for you,” he said at last. “I don’t think there’s any chance that he won’t respect you, and there’s no way that he could ever think of you as a little girl. He’ll understand, Leia.”
“You think so?”
Luke smiled. “I know it. And if it makes you feel any better, I-- I never had much of a chance for that sort of thing on Tatooine either. Most of my spare time was taken up with the moisture farm, when I wasn’t off shooting womp rats.”
“Really?”
“Really. I never even kissed anyone until...” Luke looked away from her.
Leia allowed her gaze to follow Luke’s. “Until what?”
“Until you.” He met her gaze then, and raised his free hand to her cheek, his knuckles brushing lightly over her skin.
Leia felt her breath catch in her throat. She could sense his feelings now; the gentle waves of love and desire rolling off him, and sadness-- but there was acceptance, too. Luke wouldn't try to change the way things were; he wouldn't try to change her feelings for Han.
"Oh, Luke." Had there had been any hint in Luke's feelings that he might have acted on his love for her, then she couldn't have done it; she couldn't have even contemplated it. But he was so calm, so peaceful that she barely even thought about leaning in and pressing her lips to his; it seemed like the right thing to do.
His mouth was warm on hers, and there was joy, suddenly, radiating from him like the light of the sun outside. She pressed forward further, and felt his mouth open under hers, the heat of his breath mingling with her own. His joy was searing her, and she wanted more of it, she needed to take every drop of it into herself, and--
“We have to stop.”
Leia’s lips felt cool as Luke pulled away from her. “What do you mean?” she asked.
Luke’s hand was at her cheek again. “You know we can’t do this.”
“But you want to, Luke, I can feel it.” Leia paused. “Or I could feel it, at least.” He was shielding his emotions from her somehow, now, and their absence felt like a void inside her.
“I do want to,” he said softly. “I want to kiss you; I want to undress you; I want to spend the entire night in bed with you, so that when you go back to Han tomorrow, you won’t have to worry about anything.”
“Then--” Leia could hear her own heartbeat, loud in her ears. “Then we can do that. Surely it can’t be wrong, just once.”
Luke shook his head. “I don’t think it could be just once for me.”
Leia covered the hand at her cheek with her own.
“I can accept it, now,” Luke continued. “But if we spend the night together... it won’t be enough for me. I’ll spend my life hoping, wishing for more. I’ll resent you and Han instead of loving you. I’ll be angry...”
Leia bit her lip. She still had so much to learn about the Force, but she knew that anger wasn’t good. To ask Luke to risk it would be too much.
“I’m sorry,” Leia whispered.
Luke pulled her close, his arms wrapping her tightly. “Don’t be,” he said. “You love Han, and it’s right that you do. You should go to be with him.”
His feelings were back suddenly, more muted than they’d been before, but still warm and light, and so, so peaceful. Leia wished that she could take him when she went to Han, so that both of them could hold him close, and he wouldn’t need to worry about resentment or anger.
But-- no, now wasn’t the time to be thinking of that. Leia allowed herself to hold Luke tightly, as she watched dust-motes play in the fading sunbeam streaming through the window, but when the light disappeared altogether, she pulled away.
“Remember,” she said, “Right foot forward before you bow.”
Luke smiled at her and looked her in the eye. “I’ll remember,” he said. “I promise.”
“Good.” Leia stood and drew a deep breath. “All right,” she said. “Han’s waiting for me.”
Outside, the first star of the evening appeared in the sky, and the insects of Reejis began their nightly song. Leia smiled at her brother and turned to leave the room.
Author:
lefaym
Beta: Many thanks to lionessvalenti
Fandom: Star Wars (Original Trilogy Only)
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Luke/Leia
Summary: Sometimes, it has to be everything or nothing.
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: George Lucas legally owns all Star Wars stuff.
Word Count: Approx. 1500 words.
Content Note: Obviously, Luke and Leia are brother and sister, and this fic deals with the idea of them having romantic feelings for each other. However, they don't actually have sex in this story, and I think in a lot of ways this just deals with the implications of stuff that happens in episodes IV and V, so if you're okay with watching those movies, I think you're probably going to be okay with this fic.
A/N: This was written for vann as part of the fandom_stocking exchange.
Cross-posted to AO3
Never Just Once
The red sun of Reejis shone softly on the palace grounds, illuminating the rich yellow grass, and the deep blue stone from which the palace had been carved. Many of those who had apartments in the palace had thrown their windows open, allowing the late afternoon light to enter, barely distorted by the invisible deflector shields that always remained in place.
In one such room, Leia Organa sat on the edge of a large bed, watching intently as her brother bowed three times, carefully holding his left hand behind his back.
“How was that?” Luke asked, when he was done. “Will I impress everyone at the Delessian embassy?”
Leia observed him critically for a moment. “Don’t forget to hold your right foot forward.”
Luke adjusted his stance. “Better?”
Leia nodded. “Much. Oh, and don’t forget, keep your eyes--”
“Keep my eyes on the floor in front of me.”
“Eye contact implies an intimate relationship for the Delessians,” Leia reminded him.
Luke looked at her. “I’ll remember that.”
“Now, when you greet the Xarat--”
“Leia.” Luke turned his entire body towards her now. “You know I can get Threepio to teach me all this stuff, right?”
Luke’s tone wasn’t dismissive, but Leia couldn’t help but feel hurt anyway. “You’d rather practice with Threepio?”
Luke shook his head, smiling. “Of course not. It’s just--”
“Just what?”
Luke sat down beside her, slipping his hand into hers. “It’s just I can sense that you don’t really want to be here. You want to be somewhere else, but-- there’s something holding you back.”
Leia glared at him. Sometimes he still looked so much like the farmboy from Tatooine that it was easy for Leia to forget that he was a Jedi now. “You have no business being in my feelings, Luke Skywalker.”
“I’m sorry,” said Luke. “I try not to most of the time, but... it’s difficult with you.”
Leia tried to squash her anger and embarrassment. She nodded. “I can feel you sometimes, too, even when you aren’t sending to me. Just flashes, usually.”
“It gets stronger when you practice,” Luke told her. “When you grow stronger in the Force.”
Leia shuddered. “I’m not sure that I want to be in people’s heads all the time.”
“It’s not exactly being in someone’s head. It’s more feeling the way a person’s emotions affect the Force.”
Well, that was a relief. Sort of. “So you know what I’m feeling, but not what I’m thinking?”
“Something like that. I’d have to try harder, be more focused, if I wanted to read your thoughts. Though I think I have a pretty good idea of who you’re thinking about anyway.”
Leia tried to keep her face perfectly still. “What do you mean?”
“Well, in the two weeks since we’ve left Endor, you’ve been busy almost every moment. We all have. This is the first chance any of us have had to relax-- the first time any of us have had private quarters too. You and Han-- I know you’ve both been looking forward to this.”
“Did you feel that too?”
Luke at least had the decency to blush at that. His discomposure gave Leia a moment to gather her thoughts. She had been looking forward to time alone with Han. In fact, she had some very detailed ideas about how they might use that time. Except--
Leia sighed. “I was still a girl when I began to serve as an Imperial Senator for Alderaan,” she said. “All my life, I never had time for anything but education and duty. No time for romance, or love affairs, or anything like that.”
Luke squeezed her hand. “That must have been lonely.”
“It was, I suppose. I didn’t really notice at the time. But now...”
“But now?”
“Now there’s Han, and he’s wonderful and infuriating, and I want to kiss him and punch him at the same time sometimes. I want him as my equal, I want him to respect me, but... Luke, he’s so much more experienced with these things than I am. He’s probably had a hundred lovers, and I’ve-- I’ve never--” Leia stopped short as blood rushed to her face. “Han’s going to think of me as a little girl,” she finished.
Luke looked at her for a long moment before saying anything. “I’ve sensed Han’s feelings for you,” he said at last. “I don’t think there’s any chance that he won’t respect you, and there’s no way that he could ever think of you as a little girl. He’ll understand, Leia.”
“You think so?”
Luke smiled. “I know it. And if it makes you feel any better, I-- I never had much of a chance for that sort of thing on Tatooine either. Most of my spare time was taken up with the moisture farm, when I wasn’t off shooting womp rats.”
“Really?”
“Really. I never even kissed anyone until...” Luke looked away from her.
Leia allowed her gaze to follow Luke’s. “Until what?”
“Until you.” He met her gaze then, and raised his free hand to her cheek, his knuckles brushing lightly over her skin.
Leia felt her breath catch in her throat. She could sense his feelings now; the gentle waves of love and desire rolling off him, and sadness-- but there was acceptance, too. Luke wouldn't try to change the way things were; he wouldn't try to change her feelings for Han.
"Oh, Luke." Had there had been any hint in Luke's feelings that he might have acted on his love for her, then she couldn't have done it; she couldn't have even contemplated it. But he was so calm, so peaceful that she barely even thought about leaning in and pressing her lips to his; it seemed like the right thing to do.
His mouth was warm on hers, and there was joy, suddenly, radiating from him like the light of the sun outside. She pressed forward further, and felt his mouth open under hers, the heat of his breath mingling with her own. His joy was searing her, and she wanted more of it, she needed to take every drop of it into herself, and--
“We have to stop.”
Leia’s lips felt cool as Luke pulled away from her. “What do you mean?” she asked.
Luke’s hand was at her cheek again. “You know we can’t do this.”
“But you want to, Luke, I can feel it.” Leia paused. “Or I could feel it, at least.” He was shielding his emotions from her somehow, now, and their absence felt like a void inside her.
“I do want to,” he said softly. “I want to kiss you; I want to undress you; I want to spend the entire night in bed with you, so that when you go back to Han tomorrow, you won’t have to worry about anything.”
“Then--” Leia could hear her own heartbeat, loud in her ears. “Then we can do that. Surely it can’t be wrong, just once.”
Luke shook his head. “I don’t think it could be just once for me.”
Leia covered the hand at her cheek with her own.
“I can accept it, now,” Luke continued. “But if we spend the night together... it won’t be enough for me. I’ll spend my life hoping, wishing for more. I’ll resent you and Han instead of loving you. I’ll be angry...”
Leia bit her lip. She still had so much to learn about the Force, but she knew that anger wasn’t good. To ask Luke to risk it would be too much.
“I’m sorry,” Leia whispered.
Luke pulled her close, his arms wrapping her tightly. “Don’t be,” he said. “You love Han, and it’s right that you do. You should go to be with him.”
His feelings were back suddenly, more muted than they’d been before, but still warm and light, and so, so peaceful. Leia wished that she could take him when she went to Han, so that both of them could hold him close, and he wouldn’t need to worry about resentment or anger.
But-- no, now wasn’t the time to be thinking of that. Leia allowed herself to hold Luke tightly, as she watched dust-motes play in the fading sunbeam streaming through the window, but when the light disappeared altogether, she pulled away.
“Remember,” she said, “Right foot forward before you bow.”
Luke smiled at her and looked her in the eye. “I’ll remember,” he said. “I promise.”
“Good.” Leia stood and drew a deep breath. “All right,” she said. “Han’s waiting for me.”
Outside, the first star of the evening appeared in the sky, and the insects of Reejis began their nightly song. Leia smiled at her brother and turned to leave the room.