k valentines day needs to go away now.
i put up with it. now its over but theres still remenants all over the place. advertisments, virtual gift giving, all that shit. please note how the day after christmas everyone rips their lights down like OKAY OVER NEXT! but valentines day seems to stick around forever. ughuugh.
k i shouldnt have come here because all i am going to do is bitch about how fat i am. i havent actually gained much weight according to the scale but my body has apparantly decided to restructure itself. my hips have spread and grown up and out, in order to bear the children im NEVER GOING TO HAVE. my stomach now cascades over my jeans (thats from too much food and not enough sit ups) and muffin top describes me waaaaaaaaaaaaay too perfectly. my ass has also expanded, like it wasnt big enough already. i keep trying on pairs of pants and they keep NOT FITTING. pants that fit this time last year. pants that i have sentimental attachments to and cannot give up. my LONDON JEANS wont button. oh no, anathema. this cannot happen. the final straw came today when i pulled up a pair of couderoys that fit....oh, 2 weeks ago, and they RIPPED. they ripped. down the front. i wanted to cry. i was guildenstern in those pants.
while i sortof am getting used to and slowly accepting my new womanly figure, i cannot deal with the fact that my pants dont fit. the hips i guess i'll have to keep. cant do a damn thing about bone structure. but WHY why is this happening to me. i dont even want kids. my body was fine the way it was. and this obsession i have is driving me crazy its not healthy to be so obsessed with your body. i keep staring in the mirror for hours wondering what the hell i did wrong and why is god punnishing me. on the other hand im trying to tell myself that my body has matured from teenager into woman and you cannot fit a woman's body into teenager's pants.
i really dont want to have to buy a whole new wardrobe. the pants i already have were expensive enough. and what really sucks, is although my bottom half is expanding exponentially, my top half is staying exactly the same. nonexistant. NOT FAIR. if i have to have hips i want boobs too. big ones. if only my boobs were half the size of my ass.....
i have this problem where, no matter what i have, all i can see is what i DONT have. why cant i just be fucking happy and content with my life. why.
k i shouldnt have come here because all i am going to do is bitch about how fat i am. i havent actually gained much weight according to the scale but my body has apparantly decided to restructure itself. my hips have spread and grown up and out, in order to bear the children im NEVER GOING TO HAVE. my stomach now cascades over my jeans (thats from too much food and not enough sit ups) and muffin top describes me waaaaaaaaaaaaay too perfectly. my ass has also expanded, like it wasnt big enough already. i keep trying on pairs of pants and they keep NOT FITTING. pants that fit this time last year. pants that i have sentimental attachments to and cannot give up. my LONDON JEANS wont button. oh no, anathema. this cannot happen. the final straw came today when i pulled up a pair of couderoys that fit....oh, 2 weeks ago, and they RIPPED. they ripped. down the front. i wanted to cry. i was guildenstern in those pants.
while i sortof am getting used to and slowly accepting my new womanly figure, i cannot deal with the fact that my pants dont fit. the hips i guess i'll have to keep. cant do a damn thing about bone structure. but WHY why is this happening to me. i dont even want kids. my body was fine the way it was. and this obsession i have is driving me crazy its not healthy to be so obsessed with your body. i keep staring in the mirror for hours wondering what the hell i did wrong and why is god punnishing me. on the other hand im trying to tell myself that my body has matured from teenager into woman and you cannot fit a woman's body into teenager's pants.
i really dont want to have to buy a whole new wardrobe. the pants i already have were expensive enough. and what really sucks, is although my bottom half is expanding exponentially, my top half is staying exactly the same. nonexistant. NOT FAIR. if i have to have hips i want boobs too. big ones. if only my boobs were half the size of my ass.....
i have this problem where, no matter what i have, all i can see is what i DONT have. why cant i just be fucking happy and content with my life. why.