[FANFIC] CONSTANT HAPPINESS - CHAPTER 5
Constant Happiness
Author: leesarang13
Summary: "She is your happiness, not me"
Rating: PG
P R O L O G U E
C H A P T E R O N E
C H A P T E R T W O PART 1
C H A P T E R T W O PART 2
C H A P T E R T H R E E
C H A P T E R F O U R
C H A P T E R F I V E
Silence filled the car as neither Yoona nor Donghae had anything to say. It was awkward.
Donghae’s nose was still runny. His eyes were pretty much swollen and his hair is a mess.
Yoona was no better. Half of her shoulder was wet. She was in tears too just now because she can’t help but cry too having Donghae on her shoulder sobbing sadly and she didn’t know if she is mess too because up until now, she can’t even bear to look at herself in the mirror.
Finally, they reached in front of Yoona’s house. Yoona unbuckled her seatbelt. What she was planning to do was to get down, running inside her house and never look back.
But even before she managed to get herself out of the car, Donghae held her arm firmly, trying to stop her from making any further movement.
“Yoona…” Yoona looked at her arm that was being held by Donghae before looked up in his eyes. “Thanks for tonight. And sorry about your dress. I will replace it”
Yoona brushed Donghae’e grip from her arm before responding “No, it’s okay. No big deal. I never wear it anyway”
Donghae didn’t looked away as he gave out a warm smile that sent chill inside her.
“You look beautiful tonight with that dress and I love your hair. But I like seeing you wearing dress with your hair down”
“You never see me wearing dress with my hair down”
“I know but I can assure you, I have a good imagination”
Yoona rolled her eyes and get off from the car. She slammed the door close. She walked towards the gate of her house and promised not to look back.
Because if she ever looked back, she would notice how Donghae had been staring at her with more than feeling thankful in his heart.
**
It was better to have Donghae to ignore her rather than caught him looking at her whenever she turned to face Henry. Ever since the night of them acting as a couple, things have turned out rather awkward between them in class.
Yoona didn’t know to smile or not when their eyes met because before this, it was so easy to ignore him because that was what he did to her. But unknowingly, she smiled when she caught him winking playfully at her.
Yoona didn’t know to look back at him or to ignore him because before this, it was too easy to not cross path with him. But for the past two days, he had been taking the route she took so they will meet eventually.
But deep inside, she knew he was trying too hard to forget whatever mess he is facing right now.
“Hey Yoona!” Henry calling her, trying to get attention from her. Yoona looked immersed in the music she listened to and Henry didn’t even know what she had been listening to all day long.
In the end, Henry pulled the ear-plug from her left ear and scream directly to her “IM YONAAAAAAAAA!!!!!”
“OMO! You startled me you babo!” Yoona half-screaming at the Chinese boy.
“You have been sitting on your seat, ignoring me calling you all these time and sorry if this offended you but you look so depressed”
Yoona couldn’t even smile at the guy in front of her. She did try but the smile could not even form, it will turn out weird.
“What’s wrong with you Yoona?” Henry said while taking the seat from the desk in front of her and positioned himself right in front of her.
“I don’t know Henry. I don’t even know if this is a problem and if it is, is it my problem and why am I so stress if it’s not and how I have to deal with it and I just, I don’t know what’s going on…” “Yoona” someone from behind her calling her out softly with a light tap on her shoulder. How she wished it was Henry who called for her because the light tap on her shoulder from the back was definitely not Henry unless Henry has a super long and elastic hand. Nor did his lips made any movement.
Henry looked up passed Yoona, at the person who called for her.
Yoona looked at Henry and Henry looked back down at Yoona, jerking his eyes, asking her using his eyes to turn and look at the person who called for her.
Yoona knew, even without turning who is the owner of the voice. She took a deep breath before turning to him.
“Donghae”
Suddenly the whole class was in complete silence and the attention was focused on Yoona and Donghae.
“These are the notes for history. Teacher Sang Ryul asked me to pass it to you. I was in the staff room just now” he said with a cheesy smile and a cheesy low voice, like he was whispering and that cheesy eyes of him that looked at her, right in to her eyes before he went back to his place. Yoona took the note from his hand, not even dare to look at him after that.
“Thank you” she murmured and in second turned and faced Henry who had the same look as she had, full of curiosity and questions. And her face felt hot
Don’t blush now Yoona!!!!
Yoona looked around because she heard whispering and she felt uncomfortable with it.
“Okay class, conversation is over, go back to your place” the voice of their Korean Language teacher, Teacher Yoochun cut it all the awkwardness and the attention went to Teacher Yoochun naturally.
Yoona shook her head vigorously, trying to hypnotize herself that what happened just now was not happening, like it was part of a scary dream.
“Im Yoona, are you okay?”
Yoona was taken by surprise when teacher Yoochun focused on her. Almost the whole class by then turned to look at her, wondering why did Teacher Yoochun suddenly showed concern to Yoona because the cold hearted man he is, never shows concern towards any students.
Yoona swallowed her saliva, nervous as if she made a mistake.
“No Sir, I am fine”
“Are you sure? You look flushed”
“May I go to toilet sir?”
“Sure”
“Thank you” and she went out of the classroom.
She walked fast, quicken her pace to the nearest ladies. The ladies were empty so she entered one of the nearest cubicles, locked it and stood there.
Though it was a little unpleasant to stand there and the space was small, there was no other place she could have been during this school hours. Just as Yoona was about to go out, she heard the cracked of the door and footsteps followed by chit chat between two girls.
“…I know right? I just can believe rumors like that could fly around like that!” the girl in husky voice said.
“How are you sure of this anyway?” ask the other girl with a small and soft voice.
Yoona could just go out, ignoring them and just go back to her class but no. instead she had a hunch to just listen to this conversation.
Darn it, she was never this nosey!
“Did you see how Sunye was in the class the entire time during the recess? And Donghae did not come like he always did. Now, that was a bit weird huh?”
Yoona just sat herself on the closed-toilet bowl. She didn’t have to try hard to eaves drop because it seemed like the girls voices are loud enough for the whole ladies to listen to them.
“Maybe it was just a couple fighting. I fought with my boyfriend the whole time!”
“That was how you and Heechul communicate, SoHee. Stop comparing your love fight with Heechul with romantic love like Sunye and Donghae!”
Yoona almost laugh when she heard the girl, maybe the one named Sohee snorted.
“But seriously, if they ever broke up, do you think who asked for it?” Voice of Sohee echoed.
“I bet it was Donghae. You know how he had childhood bestfriend in his class? Maybe she was seducing him back, that dancer Im Yoona. I heard they were on the bad term when Donghae was dating Sunye”
Yoona heart almost broke when she heard that. Yes, they were on bad terms but she never did something as low as that! And plus, Donghae looked so broken when they meet the other night so it was hard to say the decision came from Donghae either.
“Maybe. Gosh, why can’t she just be happy for her ex-bestfriend sake? I mean Donghae look so happy whenever he was with Sunye. Like he was floating! And I bet she can get better guy out there since she is THE dancer” there was mocking when she said ‘THE’. As if she didn’t really mean it.
Yoona felt tears brimming on her cheek. She noticed that too and she was happy for him, more than anything. But she wasn’t expecting Donghae and Sunye to break up, if they ever did. They were wrong to blame her! It’s just unfair. Plus, she is not that popular girl they were accusing her to be!
“Yeah, same goes for Sunye. Whenever she returned to class after recess, she looked like she was brought out from a fairy tales land. They are such a perfect couple!”
They are! Yoona admit Donghae and Sunye so perfect for each other! and she NEVER interfere them!
“Ya, Sohee, let’s walk while we talk. I’m not sure if Jiyong sungsaenim will be happy if we are late”
“Come on now Gahee, we all know how Jiyoung sungsaenim has a thing for me. He will never be mad at me!”
“Yeah but he will be mad at ME! Come on now!”
“I bet Yoochun sungsaenim will come to rescue you if Jiyoung sungsaenim dare to raise his voice at you”
The girl with the husky voice by the name Gahee was heard chuckling.
“Yeah, it’s a good thing to have that kind of affair!” their laughed broke the atmosphere and the ladies went all quiet a few moments after.
Yoona took a deep breath. She was shocked by everything she overheard just now. Yes, EVERYTHING but the one that left the deepest scar in her heart was the accusation about her being the reason Donghae and Sunye broke up.
She needed to know what was going on. She needed an answer from Donghae.
**
It’s not hard to walk alone when you are used to walk back home with your girlfriend next to you.
It’s harder seeing a bus stop where you waited for the bus with her, chatting, not chatting but your eyes were on her to entire time.
It’s harder looking at the bus where students pushing one another to board the bus but you waited for your girl, making way for her and waited for her to safely board the bus.
For the past few days, all Donghae did was walked alone down to the bus stop, cross the street just to look at Sunye safely board the bus.
He wished he could at least make way for her again but then, he never could. Sunye had given him a clear sign for him to stay away from her, to ignore one another but it was hard.
Not when you see each other every other day, know one another favorite spot at school
It was hard.
Hard.
But Donghae needed time and he knew time will heal everything, including the hurt he felt right now.
Donghae take his usual route back home. The school was just a stone throw away from his aunt’s house, the reason why he always prefers to walk. And then he saw that, the minivan that carried ice cream. With elementary students crowding the minivan asking for their favorite flavor, the ahjussi was having a hard time trying to attend everyone.
“Hey kids, what do you want? Ahjussi, let me help you”
Donghae with kids, it seems natural. He loves kids, he wants his own kids soon but….
Forget about her Lee Donghae!
Helping the ice-cream ahjussi was fun for Donghae. After stood there for 15 minutes, the number of kids finally decreased.
“Thank you young man for helping me. if not for you, I think I will take longer than this. I might have the risk of losing customer” the old smile to Donghae while handing the last customer the extra.
Donghae watched the kid running with the ice-cream, too happy with the fact he managed to get his favorite vanilla ice-cream flavor.
“It’s okay. I happened to pass by"
“Here, for you”
The ahjussi handed Donghae a cone of ice-cream before riding his vehicle to go to the next stop, even before Donghae could say thank you.
And he is not one to eat ice-cream. Heck, he is not even into any sweet stuff, much less an ice-cream but for this one, he ate it anyway. Maybe just maybe that sweet stuff could take away his pain.
One lick. Two lick
It feels like eating sand on the beach.
Tasteless.
“Lee Donghae!”
He heard a girl calling his name. Honestly, he missed that voice. Donghae turned around, facing the owner of the voice.
The girl came, marching down to him.
Donghae just smiled at her. Without even asking, she took the ice-cream from his hand and starts devouring it. In less than one minute, the ice-cream together with the cone was gone from the eye sight.
Shikshin Yoong is back, or more like choding Yoong He just smiled at her act and seeing how messy the ice cream get at the side of her lips.
Donghae cleaned the mess using his thumb but Yoona was quick to shove his hand off.
Donghae smiled again. Even when it’s hard, at least he knew he could depend on this girl to keep the smile on his face.
“Tell me if you are eating this ice-cream has anything to do with your break up!” she was not questioning him. She was pushing him to give her explanation.
“Tell me Lee Donghae!”
Donghae expression changed. He felt the muscle of his face tighten. Solemn took over his heart, gloomy took over his expression.
How to explain this to her? He wanted to but he doesn’t want to be her burden, not after ignoring her over no reason at all!
“Lee Donghae, you owe me an explanation”
Donghae looked around them. They were standing on the side walk of the road with the sky as their roof and the tar-covered pathways as their ground.
“This is not perfect place”
“This as a matter of fact is the most perfect place!”
“Look Yoong-ah, we could talk about it calmly and at a nicer place” so without warning, he took her wrist, pulling her with him as he go along.
Yoona did not retaliate knowing she will listen to what was clouding her mind for the past few days.
Yoona walked till her feet hurt, not knowing where Donghae was taking her until they reached the most familiar street. The street where both of them used to go whenever one of them are down, looking for candies at the candy store, prank toys at the toy shop and spending hours on the book store looking for comics that would make them laugh the loudest.
But it has been long since she was there. Not even after Donghae silence treatment with her.
“Do you remember this place?” he said while standing at the beginning of the street.
“Do you still remember how we swear to throw our sadness here on this street and be happy again by the time we reached the end of this road?”
How could she forget!
He turned to look at her, as if to confirm her memory.
She noticed but she didn’t turn to him. She just nodded while her eyes still fixed on the street.
“I don’t remember when the last time I was here was” he said.
Yoona snorted.
“That was because you have nothing to be sad about”
“But now I do”
“Obviously” she said, cannot hide her sarcasm tone.
Donghae choose to ignore that and just pull her along with him to the coffee shop. The last time they were there was when they were fourteen.
“There was no coffee shop the last time we went here right?” Donghae try to make it as exciting as possible but Yoona had no mood for the excitement.
“Save your joy for later Donghae” she said under her breath.
Donghae led Yoona inside the coffee shop. It looks comfy and it looks homey with English style interior that makes you feel like you just want to sit there for inspiration.
They took a seat far at the back where nobody would walk often, a secluded place that guarantee no disturbance.
“Spit it out’
“Girls can so impatience”
“Only me, now spit”
“Wait, we gotta order something to drink first”
Yoona just rolled her eyes and cross her arms across her chest in response to what Donghae said. Yet another excuse!
Just the moment he said that, a pretty waiter came to attend them at their table, handing Donghae the menu. Donghae ordered something and Yoona didn’t care to listen.
When the waitress was out of sight, Yoona looked at Donghae straight into his eyes.
“Pushy” he said short.
“Narcissistic” she replied short.
“Hey!” she knew he hated that word but she need to annoy him for annoyed her.
“You called me pushy!” Donghae trying to hide his laughter. With Yoona, there is no need for flowery talk, no time wasted. Everything is perfectly direct.
It’s weird how he loves that.
And it’s weird how he missed having this kind of bickering. And most importantly, it made his heart felt light.
“Okay, what do you want to know?”
“Everything. What happened exactly? Why you call me that night, why you were crying, why did you…” We broke up” Donghae cut all the questions she had to ask.
“Oh…” the only thing she managed to say.
They were right, those girls she overheard in the ladies were right. They broke up, Donghae and Sunye. Gosh, she should have known she was playing with fire, risking everything to ask him a simple question like that. He is the popular guy right? She will know about this sooner or later without having to ask him like now.
She shakes her head, trying to get away with the image if people ruining her life just because they saw him sitting with her right now.
And the air of awkwardness crept in.
There was silence, a long one.
“I’m… sorry” Yoona finally said.
“It’s okay. I mean, well it’s not really okay but having someone that I can talk to, outside of school without looking at me like they are going to eat me, it’s good. Thank you Yoong, for everything”
Yoona didn’t answer him as the waitress came back to serve the coffee Donghae ordered.
“I know things are hard on your side…”
His eyes were all on her. Yoona need to cast her selfishness aside. Donghae obviously need someone by his side so he could pull through. But it was hard. She was sure of the rumor that will spark if people saw them getting close again.
“But you need to understand, it’ll be hard for us to talk back like we normally did when we were in Junior High. Things were different back then”
Donghae went silent. Yoona was not sure if he really listens to her or not because, yes, his eyes were on her but it seems like his vision were passed through her head.
He wasn’t listening!
“Hey, what do you think of finding the funniest comic like we did the last time?” he said, an obvious remark he wasn’t listening to what she was saying.
Yoona needed time to understand this guy. His heart is all but broken. He needs time to heal. Time will definitely heal everything right? She tried to forget what she was trying to say.
“Fine. This time loser will pay for the lunch”
“No problem!” said the pretend-to-be-happy Donghae.
**
Yoona and Donghae walked side by side. They were standing at the end of the road.
“You need to cast that sadness away Donghae”
“After this, what would happen to me?”
“I don’t know. But…. Take time, I’m sure you can do it”
“And you?”
“I am still the same Yoona. And we will back to how we were, not talking and all..”
“But…”
“Hey, I don’t hold grudge but it was you who started that”
Donghae went quiet, suddenly wished he could turn back the time.
“Goodbye Donghae” That was her last word before leaving him alone, standing at the end of the street, trying to make the right decision for himself.
Yoona walked away from Donghae without looking back. She knew she was supposed to care and be there for him. But seeing how hard for him to focus, that was not the usual Donghae.
Time, time will heal him, not her. Donghae doesn't need her, his ex-bestfriend by his side, right?
She was assuming and Yoona knows she was assuming it right.
And is possible to get Sunye back into his life, Yoona would kill for that.
**
Three weeks after the break up, he still finds it hard to forget her. How could he whenever they had to pass each other on the hallway? Or when he sits at his favorite spot on the café that happens to be her favorite spot as well. The tears he spilled weeks before was hurtful enough. Her word of breaking up has torn him enough and the sight of her smile is torturing enough. It’s hard to deny that Donghae is still in love with Sunye. She is his first love after all.
And then there was a song he wrote.
The cold hearted man…
“I am not the one who brings you the happiness you need”
He recalls her words.
He hummed to the tune of the song
The cold hearted man who cries
“I am not for you”
“I am not the one for you” Sunye said as tears begin to roll down her cheeks.
She who was harsh to say farewell also cries
“But why? I love you Sunye. Is my love not enough?”
“I don’t make you happy” tears fell like rain but she quickly wipe it away.
Donghae cupped her face, trying to make her look back at him so she will come back to reality but she looked away. He wiped her tears with his thumb.
“Let’s break up Lee Donghae”
“No! Look at me Sunye, Just look at me. Say that you still love me”
Faded memories, only a trace of scar from the wound cut by the glass piece remains
She did looked at him but she did not utter the words he needed to hear
“Let’s break up” She said it again. This time, the tone is more firm.
I feel desolate
Donghae still doesn’t get what she was supposed to mean because she was his world, his happiness that he thinks falling in love again is absolutely impossible.
He raked his hand through his hair, feeling the messiness of his life on his shoulder.
The thought of changing school did cross his mind whenever events like this happens but he told himself that it’s not worth it. He has only five weeks before the final exams and it’s too impossible to register to a new school now. He need to take high school diploma here because the procedure of changing school will be long and hard and complicated so even when things are hard and facing Sunye everyday is harder, he decided to stay.
Donghae kicked the stone out of the way, the kick out of anger and frustration, he walk further and he saw her back, with her long hair flows gently on her back as she moves. And she did not tie her hair in pony tail like she always does. But she was walking in a weird way.
So Donghae decided to walk faster to catch up with her, so she turned to face him, kind of surprise that she was caught.
They look at each other and Donghae smiles coyly when their eyes met.
“Hi Yoona” He said
She returned his smile genuinely “Hi Donghae”
Maybe Donghae would use this to get the chance to speak to her again, after such a long time, 2 weeks and 3 days to be exact. After their last conversation, things were really back to normal. But this time around, it was Yoona who ignored Donghae. She was always busy talking with Nana and Henry, and nowadays, it seems like that Henry wouldn’t leave her side.
“What are you doing, walking weirdly?” he asked, raising her eye brows in suspicion
She turned to him and the genuine smile was quickly replaced by an annoyed face.
“This way that you called weird is called dancing. I was practicing my new move. We have competition next week” she said feeling embarrassed and annoyed at the same time.
“Oh yeah! How can I forget? The dancer Im Yoona!” he finally said, pretending to not know anything
“Gee, you should be rewarded. I shall keep a book and give you marks every time you get something about me correct”
Her words leave him speechless. Honestly, there are a lot of things he still remember about her.
How she would twirl her pen whenever there are questions she did not know how to solve for her mathematics questions, the no math expert Im Yoona.
Or how she would pick extra rice during the lunch, with the excuse of taking it for her friend, the Shikshin Im Yoona.
Or how she would tuck her hair behind her ear whenever she gets excited when she talks, the girly ImYoona.
But they were drifted apart over the growing up as teenagers.
“Hey..” her voice executes his day dream “What are you thinking of?”
“Us…” he reply her short but meaningful. She seems to understand his words.
“Us…” she repeats back “…there was never ‘us’ Donghae.”
Donghae shakes his head, trying to tell her by gestures how he feels sorry over these past few years where they were drifted apart.
“We were such a good friend Yoona. I don’t know how or when things got awkward between us” he said, rising concern of their current situation.
“Should we blame puberty?” she asked innocently.
Donghae laugh hard at her remarks. Each of her utterances still has the way of coming to his heart, like how it used to be.
But Yoona still doesn’t get how that thing she said just now was supposed to be funny.
“I’ll be damned to lose such an interesting friend like you Im Yoona”
Yoona smiles and her smile is always nice to see because it will make her big eyes turn almost half moon. And he noticed it every time she smiled, her right eyes would be smaller than the left eyes because of the uneven eye lids she has and that add her charms. But he bet not many people noticed that. And he likes it. Her smile is always sincere, which is always warm this cold heart of him.
“But you are doing fine without me. In fact you are doing great without me. You have a fantastic life and being the popular guy that you are…” She let out a heavy breath which seems like sigh to Donghae “I am happy for you” she looked up at him with a wide smile. And it was hard to deny, the smile was sincere.
"Not anymore I guess"
He smiles again. She is such a comfortable friend, the kind of friend he would appreciate having around when he was down or when he is happy. He would like to talk to her freely like they used to, tell her what was on his mind. And seems like she understands his recent heartbroken. And when he cried on her shoulder after his broke up, it seems natural. But now the awkwardness came creeping back in, it seems their distance has grown far too much then he thought. He doesn’t even know what to say in front of her anymore.
It was not natural like how it used to be.
So Donghae wonders if it was Yoona or him that had changed over the years.
He wants to talk more, to laugh more with her because that is what he needed these days, laugh. Laughter is always the best medicine for his broken heart and it seems like Yoona is the only one who can do it naturally. But he can’t as he stops at the junction.
“This is my stop” Donghae said as they stood at the junction of his house.
“Okay. See you around” Yoona said while waving her hand and started to walk away.
“Hey…” Donghae stops her and naturally she turns around, her eyes open wider full of questions mark
“When is your competition?”
“When do you start having interest in dancing?” she asked him, looking at him from the corner of her eyes, full of suspicion.
“Since I saw you dancing.”
“Liar!”
“When did I lie?”
“I still need prove”
“You want to search on my brain? Because I have every memory restored about you up here since we were ten” he said pointing his finger on his head.
Yoona shakes her head. Arguing with him is always useless. Both of them are stubborn but in the end one has to give in. So Yoona decided not to hold this conversation any longer.
“Next Sunday. And you are not invited”
“Where?”
“Basketball court next to Seowon High School. The you-are-not-invented thing still stands”
“I’m ignoring that” he said nonchalantly while wondering how some international event like this particular dancing competition will be held at basketball court.
“You are being impossible Lee Donghae!”
“Why can’t I come?” he cross his hands across his chest, tilting his head and looking at her with annoying face.
“You just can’t.” she said while walking backward, smile never leave her face “It’s just… I don’t think I can dance well if I know you are around” she said with a smile, turned and walk away without turning back.
Whatever she said just now, it made him wonder what she was trying to imply so Donghae stands there at the junction until he can’t see Yoona’s shadow anymore.
M Y N O T E
~ The song 'Donghae wrote" was actually a song by Trax, could be found in their first mini album, entitled Cold-hearted man. The MV could be find here. The lyrics is just so fitting =(. and there is Kim Heechul and Vic Song ^_^
~ Thank you for dropping your comments. I love you guys for the words that keeps me going=)
~ I'll replace with a better poster once I'm done with it
~ comments are epic and encouraging me, even a simple one like "Thank you"