Bad puns and jokes - part 3
Final (for now anyway!) post of bad puns and jokes!! And annoyingly, there's two music-related ones I missed when making the musical post! Ah well, have them now instead...
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Sometimes I use really big words which I don't understand to make me seem more photosynthesis
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Had to get my pet Lizard some Valium as he's been a bit stressed out lately.
Now he's a calmer calmer calmer chameleon...
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I got a SatNav with the voice of one of the Pet Shop Boys on it. It just kept telling me to go west.
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Just back from the zoo. Saw a slice of toast lying in one of the enclosures. It was bread in captivity.
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I can't believe I won this year's Scepticism Award.
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Nature fact of the day....
Deer have an amazing 270 degree field of vision.
Isn't hindsight a wonderful thing?
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I called the Incontinence Hotline last night.
A recorded message said,
“Please hold!"
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Yesterday a clown held the door open for me.
I thought it was a nice Jester!
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I hate spelling errors...You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined.
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I went on a site and it said password so I put beefstew, it said not stroganoff
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Accidentally swallowed some Scrabble squares.
Going for a poo could spell trouble!
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I'm going to beat some eggs.....
...but I'll have to do a whisk assessment first!
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I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
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People say I am condescending.
That means I talk down to people.
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My e-mail password has been hacked. That's the third time I've had to rename the dog.
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INTERVIEWER: Who inspires you?
ME: Peter Piper.
INTERVIEWER: What does he do?
ME: It's difficult to say.
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Apparently a city in Yorkshire has gone missing. Police are looking for Leeds !
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Random Thought...
Before the ‘Iron Age’ I wonder if everything was just creased.
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Herbs on fish? This is neither the thyme nor the plaice
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I once dated a cattle prod. She was a stunner.
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A man tried to sell me a coffin today.
I said "That's the last thing I need".
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So I said to my mate...I just got a job in a bowling alley...he said ten pin....I said no its permanent
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I used to hold the world record for exposing my bottom in public, but that was many moons ago...
This entry was originally posted at http://leesa-perrie.dreamwidth.org/631694.html.
--------------------------
Sometimes I use really big words which I don't understand to make me seem more photosynthesis
--------------------------
Had to get my pet Lizard some Valium as he's been a bit stressed out lately.
Now he's a calmer calmer calmer chameleon...
--------------------------
I got a SatNav with the voice of one of the Pet Shop Boys on it. It just kept telling me to go west.
--------------------------
Just back from the zoo. Saw a slice of toast lying in one of the enclosures. It was bread in captivity.
--------------------------
I can't believe I won this year's Scepticism Award.
--------------------------
Nature fact of the day....
Deer have an amazing 270 degree field of vision.
Isn't hindsight a wonderful thing?
--------------------------
I called the Incontinence Hotline last night.
A recorded message said,
“Please hold!"
--------------------------
Yesterday a clown held the door open for me.
I thought it was a nice Jester!
--------------------------
I hate spelling errors...You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined.
--------------------------
I went on a site and it said password so I put beefstew, it said not stroganoff
--------------------------
Accidentally swallowed some Scrabble squares.
Going for a poo could spell trouble!
--------------------------
I'm going to beat some eggs.....
...but I'll have to do a whisk assessment first!
--------------------------
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
--------------------------
People say I am condescending.
That means I talk down to people.
--------------------------
My e-mail password has been hacked. That's the third time I've had to rename the dog.
--------------------------
INTERVIEWER: Who inspires you?
ME: Peter Piper.
INTERVIEWER: What does he do?
ME: It's difficult to say.
--------------------------
Apparently a city in Yorkshire has gone missing. Police are looking for Leeds !
--------------------------
Random Thought...
Before the ‘Iron Age’ I wonder if everything was just creased.
--------------------------
Herbs on fish? This is neither the thyme nor the plaice
--------------------------
I once dated a cattle prod. She was a stunner.
--------------------------
A man tried to sell me a coffin today.
I said "That's the last thing I need".
--------------------------
So I said to my mate...I just got a job in a bowling alley...he said ten pin....I said no its permanent
--------------------------
I used to hold the world record for exposing my bottom in public, but that was many moons ago...
This entry was originally posted at http://leesa-perrie.dreamwidth.org/631694.html.