pain
School was okay today. I mean, I had my moments but for the most part I got through the day being my usual hyper self. And I was actually a bit more hyper than usual today. But since I've been home, it's been awful. It's just like as soon as I walked through the door it hit me..and I now I feel like my whole world has crashed down. And I passed Tina today, and that killed me. I mean I'll miss Tina and Preston too. I keep thinkin maybe at the prom we can get back together and then it's like I know it won't happen cuz of how things are now. I just don't want to think that I'll never kiss him again, or hold him and tell him how much I love him. I haven't been able to eat since I've been home. Everything I do reminds me of him..and some memory pops in my head and I start cryin. I prayed really hard last night about all this and I just hope that this pain goes away soon. We're still goin to the prom together, hopefully we'll have a good time. Everytime I hear something I look out the window with this crazy hope that maybe it's him out there..and I know it's not going to happen. Why is this so hard? I hate cryin.. I want so much to be happy..and smile and laugh and really mean it. I couldnt sleep at all last night- I woke up like a million times and as soon as I did I would get that feeling in my stomach and cry. I wish it would go away. I lay here on my bed and remember all the times we layed here together and held each other. I feel like I've lost my whole world...and I don't know which way to turn..please help me Lord..oh, and I made a new journal and next time I update I'll use it I suppose.
www.livejournal.com/users/_ivyelise
www.livejournal.com/users/_ivyelise