new directions, maybe
okay so i didn't see the girl this evening, but she was called into work today, had lots of homework, laundry to do, etc. legitimate excuses, all of them, and she promised to do dinner tommorow at a very punctual 6:30, so i'm content with that.
that means no judo tommorow, but i've been training quite enough lately. that, and i'm becoming discontent with judo in a lot of ways. judo is absolutely great in theory, but in practice it's a game and a sport more than a martial art.
it is in my opinion the coolest sport in the world, but i don't know if it's giving me the skill set that i want from my training. i'm definitely wanting to start boxing, it's calling me, and MMA classes are looking pretty appealing too.
while i'm learning martial arts, i might as well learn how to fight. judo doesn't quite teach you that, although it's definitely applicable.
i'm not a violent person, really, i just think a martial artist ought to focus on fighting. i mean, unarmed combat is the skill you're studying, so why not go all-out?
i won't be quitting judo, but i'll be shuffling my schedule around to include some different disciplines. i may end up doing judo 2-3 days a week compared to my current 5 days, and then adding boxing and what not.
i'm thinking maybe i just need a fresh start, to try out some new styles, and find something i can really get into.
but hey, back to the girl: i feel very apprehensive about all this, honestly. it may mean nothing, or it may mean i'm terrified of the prospect of another monogamous relationship. i don't know if even "trying it for a while" is a good idea.
i mean, she's totally awesome, for sure, but i train a lot and she works a lot, so we can't spend that much time together. i'd like to see other people in the meantime, even just for dinner or a movie or whatever, but i don't want to deal with the whole jealousy/cheating thing. at all. i just want to spend time with who i want, or else i feel very depressed.
the fact that she is incredibly attractive and has legions of male suitors (including her boss, who has made her pretty uncomfortable at work) just highlights why i really hate the whole monogamist "competition-over-limited-resources" mindset. guys get so fucking territorial about girls they've staked a claim to, good god.
she seems open to discussion of open relationships, but said that for now she doesn't want to date other people. i agreed, for now, so hopefully this will be an honest "trial period" without a lot of complications.
i just want to be very clear that if she sees me out with another girl, i don't consider that cheating in any way, shape, or form, and if she can't deal with that then we're not going to work out.
i have yet to be so explicit, but i'm sure the issue will arise very soon. that said, she very much seems to be the non-jealous type. seems to be, but we have a lot to learn about each other. which will be made difficult by our busy schedules, so that's another bummer.
part of me can't believe i'm even in this situation. i miss being single already, and i'm not really dating anyone yet. i am not made for this. i am a bukowksi, a nietzsche, a diogenes. a solitary person, ein einzelgänger.. i've considered monastic life, for god's sake.
sigh.
damn you for being so.. cute.
that means no judo tommorow, but i've been training quite enough lately. that, and i'm becoming discontent with judo in a lot of ways. judo is absolutely great in theory, but in practice it's a game and a sport more than a martial art.
it is in my opinion the coolest sport in the world, but i don't know if it's giving me the skill set that i want from my training. i'm definitely wanting to start boxing, it's calling me, and MMA classes are looking pretty appealing too.
while i'm learning martial arts, i might as well learn how to fight. judo doesn't quite teach you that, although it's definitely applicable.
i'm not a violent person, really, i just think a martial artist ought to focus on fighting. i mean, unarmed combat is the skill you're studying, so why not go all-out?
i won't be quitting judo, but i'll be shuffling my schedule around to include some different disciplines. i may end up doing judo 2-3 days a week compared to my current 5 days, and then adding boxing and what not.
i'm thinking maybe i just need a fresh start, to try out some new styles, and find something i can really get into.
but hey, back to the girl: i feel very apprehensive about all this, honestly. it may mean nothing, or it may mean i'm terrified of the prospect of another monogamous relationship. i don't know if even "trying it for a while" is a good idea.
i mean, she's totally awesome, for sure, but i train a lot and she works a lot, so we can't spend that much time together. i'd like to see other people in the meantime, even just for dinner or a movie or whatever, but i don't want to deal with the whole jealousy/cheating thing. at all. i just want to spend time with who i want, or else i feel very depressed.
the fact that she is incredibly attractive and has legions of male suitors (including her boss, who has made her pretty uncomfortable at work) just highlights why i really hate the whole monogamist "competition-over-limited-resources" mindset. guys get so fucking territorial about girls they've staked a claim to, good god.
she seems open to discussion of open relationships, but said that for now she doesn't want to date other people. i agreed, for now, so hopefully this will be an honest "trial period" without a lot of complications.
i just want to be very clear that if she sees me out with another girl, i don't consider that cheating in any way, shape, or form, and if she can't deal with that then we're not going to work out.
i have yet to be so explicit, but i'm sure the issue will arise very soon. that said, she very much seems to be the non-jealous type. seems to be, but we have a lot to learn about each other. which will be made difficult by our busy schedules, so that's another bummer.
part of me can't believe i'm even in this situation. i miss being single already, and i'm not really dating anyone yet. i am not made for this. i am a bukowksi, a nietzsche, a diogenes. a solitary person, ein einzelgänger.. i've considered monastic life, for god's sake.
sigh.
damn you for being so.. cute.