(no subject)
it is strange to think this is my life.
it doesn't feel like my life. in fact i feel completely detached from it. i wake up in the morning and go to work and go to my boyfriends and see my friends and go home and go to work. and wait for the weekends. and feel... empty. i think. i have fleeting moments of joy. happiness. love. i just can't seem to grab hold of any of them. i keep feeling like i am a disappointment. not really to anyone in particular. well maybe to myself. the me 10, 15 years ago. the one climbing trees in her backyard thinking one day she would rule the world. is that truly a dream that can't be reached? was i just allowing my overactive imagination run wild. i just don't feel like all the potential, the energy, the happiness i had as a child has been transfered to my life at present. and to be honest... its devastating. i know i am only 23, and i didn't imagine i would be living a glorious lifestyle, but I guess I just thought my life would be more interesting. I am young, and have so much life in me but I don't feel like any of it s utilized. that is when the hollowness sets in. the empty feeling. because really... what can i do? nothing. i am trapped. in my own mind, my own body. its terrible.
i just miss feeling whole, and miss feeling important. i don't feel as though I am either of those things. and won't be for a long time...
i am sorry for such a sad post, but i am feeling a little hollow today. and its the most upsetting because I have nothing to really be sad about. myself and the ones i love are in good health. but i guess maybe today thats not enough. sigh... i know tomorrow will be worse, but soon it will be the week again and I won't have to think about my pathetic life. just everyone else that calls me. hmm.
on a completely separate note, i sincerely hope that everyone has a wonderful easter, and I wish everyones family lots of love and blessings.