merry happy
my life feels upside down. as if i am looking into a mirror and I am actually the reflection, while the reflection is living the life i should be. its a strange way to think, but then again my life is a strange series of events that eventually will lead to my break or my mend. i just want life to be simple and i want it to be happy. i want adventure and i don't want ordinary... i want the extraordinary. i just have not found out how to achieve that.
i honestly feel like i am on the fast track to mediocrity. which is extremely unsatisfying. and i know if I don't like something I should change it, and I want to. But changing is a lot harder than it sounds. And all of the what ifs that accompany a change can be ominous. I have always considered myself a do-er, but right now I am at a standstill. I have crappy job. I live at home. I go out and do all sorts of nonsense on the weekends. But then it is back to the daily grind on monday. That is not what I want out of life, that does not make me happy. The real question is what does. And that is my problem. I don't know. And therefore I cannot make a move, or a change or jeopardize my current situation in pursuit of a happiness that I am not clear on. There are too many things weighing on me to just up and make a change. And therefore we are back to the standstill... it is not a pleasant place to be, but until I can understand what to do to make me happy I am stuck here.
In the end I want to choose happiness, but which direction leads me there?