Update Privately

[leeniead]

God, I didn't expect to write in this journal again, but here goes. I am have no idea what to do about the Roy situation, honestly. He is so nice to me. Quite honestly, I don't really expect guys to treat me very well, maybe because of past incidents and things. I mean, it's not a pessimistic thing, just how I feel. But, like all good things, there is always a catch. With him, he can't speak English very well. Sometimes, I feel like we have a lot of communication problems. Like he understands English, but its definitely not perfect. And more importantly, I can't really see myself in a relationship right now. I mean, I am really happy, having my independence and not having to constantly be with any one person. I am not sure if I can settle down right now. But on the other hand, I mean, he is so sweet and gentlemanly. Seriously, this time. I mean, Roy really blows all the other guys I have let in my life, out of the water. He is very romantic, fraternity boy, which means he parties and drinks, but I mean, he still studies a lot and he really might like me, I think. Like whenever I go to the library, he comes, even when he doesn't have a lot of work. And he stays until I am ready to leave and drives me home. He holds my hand. He opens all my doors. He is very polite. He is well-dressed. He is close to his family. He is older than me. He is taller than me. He brings me roses. He sings in a different language. He is not cocky. Bad things? Language barrier. He is a little clingy. He smokes. He is a Lambda (Why is that bad? Because I know a lot of the brothers so if I break up with one of them, then it will be really weird.) He is not very funny. He can't speak Chinese. He lives in Korea, so obviously, there will be problems. But mainly, just the language barrier.

Oh, I am really bad with this type of stuff. I think I function much better without it. I have no idea how this is going to work out. And that is the truth. I have no idea how I get myself into these things.
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