No, I have not forgotten Kame, and no, I have not switched my affections elsewhere - it's more the other way round. That is - once my affections lay elsewhere, and I suddenly felt an urge to remember those younger days of my existence as a fan - when the state of fandom still felt alien and bewildering, and I tried to figure out what it was as much
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Stray thoughts
Running away
From me
To you
Strange things
Coinciding
Within
The limited space
And time
Of my existence
Remarkable
Markings
Makings
Of a new
Or an old age tale
To write you into my life
To read me in yours
A poetic injustice
A sweet bad habit
I am not ready to quit
Let me photoshop
The tired lines
Out of your image
Watch my own reflection
Grow old instead
A computerized version
Of Dorian Grey’s tale
Silver fish
Caught in our fandom net
You elude us
By hiding within the dark
Places inside yourself
Or dance
On the very brink
Of our understanding
A sliver of hope
Of freedom come
Wondering
Who in the hell are you
Substituting
The grueling task of defining
Of who in the hell I am
Diagnosis
Nonsense
Indeed nuisance
No thank you
I don’t want to be cured
Just yet
Younger me
Cohabiting
Within the aging shell
Laughs her head off
On the time-delay
Of my present reactions
Stray thoughts
Running…
Jumping under the rain
Sweet children
Of my imagination
As I watch indulgently
You moving
On the other side of the window
Of my computer screen
***
but I lust for a whole of you
body and soul
I’d cherish
every crevice and curve
of your beautiful spirit
I’d wish to be
reaching
with torturing slowness
ever deeper into your mind
even as you’d be
reaching into my body
until we float
an androgynous twosome
backs to the world
safely held
hidden within each other
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