I have not written in over a year...
We did this exercise in Counseling and Guidance that is part of the Gestalt theory, in which you say, I feel ________ and I take responsibility for it. And you are supposed to fill in the blank and then go from there. It is supposedly good for the person to see how they are feeling and then admit in words that they are responsible for the way they feel about their lives. We went around the room and everyone had to say something... there were a lot of I feel tired...s and I feel behinds... and when it came to my turn I said behind but when I though about it I should have said unsatisfied.
Because that is what i am. I am unsatisfied... but even here, i have a hard time typing that it is my fault. But i don't feel 100% happy about anything right now... And I know that nobody is ever 100% happy about everything... but I CANT GET NO SATISFACTION! Everything just seems to be going to shit and I don't know what to do about it.
And I know everyone feels this way. That regardless of your age figuring the next step to take in life is hard. But really? Does it have to be this insane? And does my family really have to fall apart at the same time?
[on a side note]
Dear Brother,
I love you so much. We all love you so freaking much. But if you could only stop your pity party for long enough to look and see not only how much it stresses *me* out, but how much Claire is suffering because of it... how badly you are not just angering them but breaking your parents hearts because of it.... maybe you would stop being so flipping selfish and start acting like the man that you *could* be if you just tried. Just TRY.
Your sister, who can't go home to fix anything because she is too busy making the giiiiiiaaaant shadow you have been living in your WHOLE life a little bigger by trying to get ready to graduate. : /
Because that is what i am. I am unsatisfied... but even here, i have a hard time typing that it is my fault. But i don't feel 100% happy about anything right now... And I know that nobody is ever 100% happy about everything... but I CANT GET NO SATISFACTION! Everything just seems to be going to shit and I don't know what to do about it.
And I know everyone feels this way. That regardless of your age figuring the next step to take in life is hard. But really? Does it have to be this insane? And does my family really have to fall apart at the same time?
[on a side note]
Dear Brother,
I love you so much. We all love you so freaking much. But if you could only stop your pity party for long enough to look and see not only how much it stresses *me* out, but how much Claire is suffering because of it... how badly you are not just angering them but breaking your parents hearts because of it.... maybe you would stop being so flipping selfish and start acting like the man that you *could* be if you just tried. Just TRY.
Your sister, who can't go home to fix anything because she is too busy making the giiiiiiaaaant shadow you have been living in your WHOLE life a little bigger by trying to get ready to graduate. : /