Welcome to PCU! (Episode 6 - Hyunseung & Mir)
Title: Welcome to PCU! (Pleasure Cruise University)
Author: leejaehwa7
Fandom: BEAST/Infinite/Big Bang/MBLAQ/Block B/SHINee/more
Couples: BEAST/OT6, Woohyun/Sunggyu, Myungsoo/Sungyeol/Sungjong, Joon/Mir, Zico/Kyung, Jonghyun/Key, GD/TOP, more
Chapters: 6/?
Rating: NC-17 (mostly)
Disclaimer: I don’t own these lovely guys but the plot is definitely concocted by my pervy mind ^_^
Summary: Pleasure Cruise University (PCU) is an all boys school on the sea that specifically caters to the wealthy elites of society. The school provides the perfect place for males with healthy sex drives, who wish to have fun before entering into family businesses. The school may seem
like a playground for adults, but it teaches something more than outsiders can ever understand.
A/N: It's been a while. This has Hyunseung and Mir's CAMs. I wanted to give some insight on a few characters. It turned out a little angsty.
( Episode 5)
Episode 6
Hyunseung’s CAM:
It was inevitable. I shouldn’t have been so surprised to hear my parent’s plans when I returned home this summer, but I hadn’t expected they would push for it so soon. Thinking back, my decision to attend PCU probably encouraged them to act quickly to ensure their control over me is still in effect. Maybe they feared that my going away from home for the first time would give me a more willful attitude. I could see it in their scheming eyes all summer after they made the announcement and arranged my affairs to make sure that I had absolutely no free time.
I felt suffocated all summer. It wasn’t until I reached the dock and boarded Bliss for another year at PCU that I felt like I could finally breathe freely. At one point I began to worry that my parents would refuse to let me come back to school. If that had happened, I was more than ready to runaway from home.
Honestly, I don’t know why I’m even thinking in this manner. There really is no point in postponing the inevitable. Eventually, I will have to follow my parent’s wishes and take on the legacy they wish to pass down to me. Prolonging this fact only makes it more difficult for the ones I care about and myself, or should I be more specific, Junhyung and myself.
I missed him all summer. He constantly plagued my thoughts to the point that I felt as if I may go crazy if I didn’t at least get to hear his voice. My parents must have known this fact when they were designing my schedule because the rare opportunities I was able to speak with Junhyung occurred during the early hours of the morning in which we were almost too sleepy to remain conscious enough to hold a conversation.
Even now that we are together again, lingering thoughts of this summer keep interrupting my moments of happiness reminding me of the reality I will face after leaving PCU. Junhyung is beginning to notice how stressed I’ve become. He’s beginning to worry and ask questions, but I don’t want him to know, at least not yet. I want us to enjoy this year together. I don’t want to ruin everything by bringing up the truth about our situation and arguing about things we can’t change.
Being unable to talk about it, however, is putting a strain on our relationship. I don’t want to think about ending what Junhyung and I have. I don’t want to feel like everything we’ve been through was pointless. It hurts knowing we can’t stay together if we wish to fulfill our parent’s dreams. I’ve known from the beginning that our relationship wouldn’t survive. Junhyung’s filial nature won’t allow him to go against anything his parents want and I understand his desire to be a good son because I’m willing to fulfill my parent’s wishes as well. But knowing all of this doesn’t make the result of how our future will turn out any easier.
With all of these thoughts of the future, I sometimes wish that I had chosen not to fall for anyone. It hurts too much to be in love with someone when I know we can never fully be together. Sometimes I hate myself for pulling Junhyung into this world of love and pain. It would all be easier if we were simply having fun together and biding our time before we return to the reality our parent’s wish for us. At times like these I always find myself confiding in the only person I know capable of keeping his emotions under control in regards to love, Doojoon.
I hadn’t intentionally sought Doojoon out to discuss the topic of relationships; he was simply in the right place at the right time. Considering my inability to hide my emotions just yet, I’ve been finding ways to avoid Junhyung without drawing too much suspicion. I’ve been casually wandering around the ship to pass time and clear my mind. It was during one of these strolls that I came across Doojoon leaning against the railing on one of the upper decks, gazing intently at the deck below. He had been so caught up in his own world that he didn’t realize I was beside him until I cleared my throat. Startled by my appearance, he nudged my arm with his elbow and exclaimed, “You shouldn’t sneak up on people like that.”
Sighing heavily I turned my eyesight towards the horizon. The slowly setting sun cast rays of reds, oranges, and yellows across the glistening sea. It was always a sight to behold, something I will never get tired of seeing.
Doojoon turned to face me, leaning sideways on the railing. “Is there something bothering you?” I gave him a sideways glance, leaving the question hanging unanswered. He turned back towards the horizon interlacing his fingers as he leaned on the railing again and stared off into the distance. Silence remained for some time before Doojoon added, “You know, Junhyung’s worried about you?”
“Really?” I replied in an uninterested tone. “What’s he been saying?”
“I believe there was something about you avoiding him and not eating properly.” Out of the corner of my eye I could see him shaking his head. “It’s really none of my business but whatever’s going on between you two, work it out soon.”
Junhyung must be trying to hide his worries from me because he’s been acting like everything is fine between us. Maybe he is afraid to bring it up? But if he’s telling Doojoon about it, I know the situation is truly bothering him because he rarely ever voices his concern about anything. I’m not really giving him a reason to worry so much. So what if I just want a little space, is it really that weird?
“How do you do it?” I wondered aloud.
“Well, first I find someone I’m interested in and…” Doojoon began.
“No, no,” I interrupted. “I meant, how do you keep from falling for someone?”
After my clarification, Doojoon made an “O” with his mouth and grinned. “It’s easy Hyunseung, but isn’t it a little late for you to be asking that?” He watched me curiously when I didn’t respond. “Not that I really care, but what’s going on with you and Junhyung?”
“If you don’t care, then why are you asking?” I countered.
“We’re all friends aren’t we? Isn’t that what friends do?”
I was shocked for a second. “Doojoon, I think that’s the first time you’ve ever called me your friend. Normally I’m ‘Junhyung’s lover,’ ‘lover boy,’ or ‘doe-eyes.’ You actually think of me as a friend?”
“Don’t change the subject Hyunseung.” He turned to face me full on while placing his hands on either of my shoulders. “Tell me the truth.”
Without making eye contact, I replied, “The inevitable is happening.”
“What’s that’s supposed to mean?” he asked.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about Doojoon. It’s one of the reasons you won’t actually attempt a real relationship.” His eyes widened in surprise as I looked up at him. “I’ve never seen my parents so serious about something. They almost didn’t let me come back to school.”
He replied with a simple, “That’s rough.”
“I know, I know.” Taking a step back, I ran my hand across my face. “I just…I can’t tell him. I don’t want this issue to ruin our year together.”
“If that’s the case then you should work on hiding your emotions better.”
“Thanks for the insight Mr. Obvious, as if I don’t already know that.”
He held his hands up as if in surrender and turned to lean against the railing once again. “Personally, I think you should talk to him. If the relationship really means that much to the both of you, you should at least let him know what’s going on. What’s the point of being in a relationship if you're not even willing to fight for it?” His voice became serious with the last statement as if he was speaking from personal experience.
“Doojoon, I…”
He waved his hand to shush me. He was peering over the railing intently. Following his eye contact, I witnessed two rather cute guys splashing each other in the pool below. The muscular one was continuously splashing water as the other squealed and made an attempt to swim away. His laughter could be heard above all other noises, it was light and carefree. Looking back at Doojoon, I noticed he was glaring at the scene before us.
“So who’s the cutie?” I asked interrupting whatever inner turmoil he was dealing with. “Wait, isn’t he the one from move-in day?” I leaned forward trying to get a better look at him.
“First year by the name of Yang Yoseob. His father established the largest natural energy company in the country,” Doojoon replied, giving what facts he knew about the kid.
“Are you referring to Yang Corp? Isn’t that one of your father’s biggest competitors?”
Doojoon nodded in agreement. “Yeah, but that doesn’t make me any less interested in him. Problem is he’s supposedly dating the guy attacking him now, Lee Kikwang. I can’t really find any information about him though.”
“So what are you planning?”
“Haven’t figured it out yet. Every time I get close to him, his boyfriend pops up and pulls him away.” A grin spread across Doojoon’s lips. “The chase makes it more interesting, don’t you agree? If they all give in to me, it’s not as much fun anymore.”
“Speaking of which,” I spoke while eyeing him. “How many have you been with so far?”
He paused scratching his chin in thought. “Seven,” he finally replied.
“We’ve only been back a week!” I exclaimed.
“That’s one for every day of the week,” he chuckled.
“Do you even remember any of their names?”
He thought for a second and smirked. “There was one that went exceptionally well. His name was Dongwoon. He actually attempted to seduce me. Can you believe that?”
“Looks like you found your perfect match.” I couldn’t help laughing at his somewhat surprised expression. “Be careful Doojoon. One of these days someone is really going to seduce you and you won’t be able to help falling for them.”
He playfully shoved my shoulder. “Don’t you dare curse me like that,” he ordered.
“It’s not as bad as you make it out to be.”
Doojoon’s eyes saddened at the comment. “Hyunseung,” he started in a low and steady voice. “What you’re experiencing right now with Junhyung is nothing. It’s a million times worse once everything ends.”
Reaching over, I attempted to pat his shoulder but he shrugged my hand off and pivoted taking a step back. “You chose the path you’re on. I’ve never seen Junhyung this happy before and I know it’s because of you. Don’t be afraid to fight for what you two have together. It would be a shame to see it end.”
“You know why it won’t last. You know Junhyung won’t go against his parents.” I wanted to continue arguing. He was spouting out ideas about something he shies away from.
“You never know until you try Hyunseung and even then he might surprise you.” His voice was final as he gave me a sad smile and quickly retreated down the nearest staircase.
I wasn’t sure if our chat made me feel better or worse about the situation, but it has helped me realize that there is more to Doojoon than the playboy image he hides behind. Based on his comments, I would definitely say he’s had his heartbroken before. I wonder if that’s why he’s so reluctant to have another serious relationship.
Considering Doojoon’s advice, I perched against the railing debating on what I should do next. If I tell Junhyung the situation, will things change between us? Will Junhyung insist on staying together? Will it help us cope with the knowledge that we will be separated at the end of the school year? It’s all too much to handle right now. I don’t want to think about losing him.
This walk was supposed to help me clear my mind and gain control over my emotions but I feel in less control now than before. Why did Doojoon have to say all of those things and make my mind wander in thoughts of all the “what if’s” I have in regards to Junhyung and me?
Looking back at the pool and watching the young couple before me, I was reminded of when Junhyung and I first got together. We were untroubled with thoughts of the future. We simply wanted to have fun and experience life and love. I miss those days. I wish I could go back to those days. It’s like the moment when you realize you are no longer a child and you can never return to your childhood. You curse yourself for not savoring it when you had the chance. Now I can only sit in despair and recall the good times while praying for the encroaching pain of our inevitable breakup to pass quickly.
Honestly, I’m more worried that Junhyung won’t be able to handle the news and I won’t be there to help him through it.
Mir’s CAM:
Considering its Friday night and the end of the first week of school, everyone has it in their minds to unwind and have some fun together. Of course, PCU offers many venues in which to free one’s self and simply let go after classes let out. There are clubs and other fun activities open all week, but Key insisted we hang out in his room because he wanted some quality bonding time with all the guys.
Jonghyun argued against this plan in hopes of spending time alone with Key but his attempts were in vain. Key’s adamant attitude can never be won against. In the end, we found ourselves in Jonghyun and Key’s shared bedroom listening to music and drinking fancy alcohol while chatting about whatever topic comes up.
Key had invited everyone within our close circle of friends, most of whom we went to school with or our families were close friends. I could tell he was excited because we were all finally attending PCU together. Our friend Jinwoon who was also in his second year was one of the first to show up after myself. Next Minho, who could have attended school a year sooner but decided to wait for his boyfriend to be able to, showed up dragging Taemin along with him. Everyone knew those two were basically inseparable and somehow, unlike most couples their age, they were magically capable of not getting sick of one another’s presence. They live together, eat together, and go to class together every single day among other things, which alone would drive most people insane. And lastly Dongwoon decided to grace us with his presence a good half-hour after everyone else had already showed up and started drinking.
There was another person invited, who Key had only became acquainted with last year at the beginning of the new term, but I can’t say I’m not relieved he didn’t show up. Ever since the start of school party and our night spent together, I find it awkward to have a conversation with Joon. We’ve ran into each other a few times, whether it was during meal time or simply walking around the ship. As if things couldn’t get any more awkward, I walked into Foreplay 101 during the first day of classes to find him sitting next to the only empty seat in the room.
Being forced to sit next to him in a confined space for an hour at a time, three days a week has been somewhat torturous. I don’t know what to say to him or how to act around him. Joon practically ignoring me doesn’t help the situation much either. It’s as if we never shared any of those vulnerable moments together. Maybe he forgot telling me everything or maybe he is simply trying to forget it all happened? But how am I supposed to forget knowing the sad truth about his messy relationship with an upperclassman? How am I supposed to forget the way he clung to my hand so desperately in hopes of finding some comfort from whatever memories were plaguing his mind? It’s difficult pretending everything is fine when I know what’s hiding behind the mask of serenity he tries to hide behind.
Key’s voice startled me from my thoughts. “Mir, are you even listening?” he complained.
“Hmmm?”
“What are you daydreaming about? I was asking you to pass the wine.” He gestured towards the table beside me and shook his extended hand as he waited impatiently.
Reaching over, I pulled the bottle out of the ice bucket and wiped off the condensation around the bottom before handing it over to him. I glanced around the room taking in the view. Minho was seated in the armchair with Taemin perched sideways in his lap. They were having their own little conversation away from everyone else. Minho was feeding Taemin little finger snacks in between sentences. The younger of the two always looked as if he enjoyed nothing more than the way Minho doted and fawned over him. I don’t think they have ever had an argument during their entire time together. They barely even bicker with one another, but I’m not sure that’s exactly the best thing for a growing relationship.
Jonghyun and Jinwoon were having a serious conversation about some basketball team while seated facing one another on the sofa. They both had an arm resting on the back of the sofa clutching a beer, while moving their other arms animatedly as they both ranted over some players actions during a game.
Considering I took the other armchair, the bed was the only other comfortable place to sit in the room. Dongwoon and Key were sitting crossed-legged before one another sipping on finely aged Merlot and discussing Dongwoon’s relationship status. Apparently he broke up with whatever girl he had been dating during the summer so that he could be completely single at the beginning of the school year. We all know Dongwoon doesn’t stay in relationships for extended periods of time but this particular time appeared promising because he had been with her for almost three months.
“Being with her was becoming tiresome and a long distance relationship didn’t make any sense to me, so I got rid of her,” he explained. “Besides, I wouldn’t be able get the best out of my school experience if I was being weighed down by some chick.”
“That’s cruel Dongwoon,” Key stated reprimanding him with a smack to his leg.
I couldn’t help but laugh at them. Key was always more mature than us and constantly fought to keep us on the “right path” in life. He worried about everyone nonstop and always kept an ear open for any of our problems. He’s a good friend when it comes to giving advice or simply being a shoulder to lean on. Key has always been stern about watching over us, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. Dongwoon doesn’t make Key’s job any easier with his constant fooling around and changing partners almost as frequently as he changes his underwear.
“It’s not like I was hiding anything from her. You know I always tell everyone I hook up with that I’m not looking for anything serious, that I just want to have some fun.” Dongwoon had a point. He was always honest in his relationships. “I was only with her for so long because she seemed to understand. It was an open relationship anyways. She already had another guy by the time I called it quits.”
“I don’t understand how people can live like that. Relationships are supposed to be special,” Key sighed exasperatedly. He seemed personally offended by Dongwoon’s decision to have flings and careless interludes with whomever he deems worthy of his time.
“Why don’t we get off the subject of myself and discuss Jinwoon’s relationship status,” Dongwoon suggested gazing over at the handsome male on the sofa.
Upon hearing his name, Jinwoon snapped his head sideways and asked, “Are you talking about me?”
Dongwoon grinned as if he knew something no one else did. “I heard you got really close to a certain older female over the summer. Mind filling us in with the details?”
This statement caught everyone’s attention. We were all eyeing Jinwoon in earnest as Key voiced our thoughts. “You’re dating an older woman? Who? Do we know her?”
“Oh, you know her and so does Jonghyun but the rest of us might not know her so well,” Dongwoon replied. “Although she is kind of hard to miss.”
“How did you find out about it?” Jinwoon inquired, not really annoyed but more intrigued at Dongwoon’s knowledge of the situation.
“I hear things,” Dongwoon simply answered. “I see things,” he added in a smirk.
“Stop being so secretive and just tell us who it is already,” Key snapped.
Dongwoon and Jinwoon made eye contact as if deciding who would spill this interesting piece of information. Jinwoon sighed and murmured, “Gina.”
“Gina?” Key responded drawing out the name.
“Wait, does she work at PCU?” Jonghyun chimed in. Jinwoon nodded shyly. “No way! You’re dating Nurse Choi. She’s so fucking hot!” After his outburst, Key hurled a pillow across the room barely missing Jonghyun’s head. “Hey! I can’t help it if it’s the truth Key.”
“Anyways, how did it happen? When did you two get together?” Key questioned.
“Remember when I got food poisoning at the end of last year?” Key nodded. “She took care of me. Even after I was better she would still ask me how I was doing. It wasn’t until after school ended that she asked if I would like to see her over the summer. We started meeting regularly and things got serious between us.”
“So she initiated the relationship?” Dongwoon asked.
“What? Is that so hard to believe?” Jinwoon countered.
“Isn’t it banned for students and staff members to be in relationships?” Key interrupted.
“Yeah, it is, which is why Gina waited until summer started to ask me out.”
“But you two are still together?”
“Yeah, but we were together before school began so technically it’s okay.”
“How does that make it okay?” Key wondered.
“It just does.” Jinwoon was beginning to dislike the attention set on him. I could tell he was getting irritated by all of the questions. He glanced my way and made eye contact. “Mir?”
“Hmmm?” My eyes widened wondering why he was suddenly singling me out.
“I heard from Joon’s roommate Junho that you two spent the night together. Is that true?” He grinned as he spat the information out causing all eyes to turn to me.
“I didn’t hear that you slept over!” Key exclaimed. “Why did no one tell me that you two slept together?”
“It’s not what you think.” I waved my hands trying to expel all the dirty thoughts floating around the room. Taemin and Minho were giggling, Jonghyun was trying not to choke on his beer, and Dongwoon was giving me a knowing look that implied so much more than the truth.
“What happened?” Key inquired.
“Nothing,” I replied. “Joon was upset and didn’t want to be left alone. Nothing happened between us,” I reiterated my point.
“Then why is Joon acting so strangely every time I bring up the subject of you in conversations?” he asked.
“How am I supposed to know? He avoids me like the plague. It probably has something to do with the fact that he got shit-faced and started confessing all types of crap about his past.” I shrugged.
I could feel everyone staring at me intently as if trying to find a lie in my words. “Are you sure nothing happened or were you so drunk you forgot everything?” Jinwoon suggested.
“Why are you attacking me? I wasn’t the one who brought up the topic of you and Gina that was Dongwoon. Why don’t you go after him?” I questioned. Jinwoon shifted in his seat worried that the topic would return to him once more. I set my gaze to Dongwoon and smirked knowing I had the best material to get Key’s attention off of my situation with Joon, but wasn't sure if I should use it just yet.
“Don’t you two sit beside each other in Foreplay 101?” Dongwoon asked. “You two look like such an awkward couple, it’s so cute.”
“Dongwoon?” I interjected. “I heard you hooked up with someone rather important on our first night aboard the ship.”
Key was looking back and forth between us wondering where he should direct his attention. The others in the room were simply watching in amusement as we dished information about one another, exposing secret after secret. This always tends to happen when we all get together. Old news for some becomes new for others because sometimes not everyone gets the update and we have to catch up with whatever drama is going on in each other’s lives.
Dongwoon eyed me wearily as if telling me not to say anything or he would make me regret it. His threats were always so clear, even the silent ones, but I felt this little piece of information was something Key should know.
“Key? Why don’t you ask Dongwoon whom he slept with? It’s far more interesting than my story.”
His eyes continued to flicker between Dongwoon and myself until they eventually settled on the male sitting directly beside him on the bed. “Who, Dongwoon?”
The other sighed before placing his hands at his sides, clutching the bed spread beneath him. Without looking up he answered. “Doojoon.”
Jinwoon gasped after hearing the name. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Jonghyun tense up. Key was stunned for a few moments as he tried to collect his thoughts. Minho placed his arm around Taemin’s waist as if to protect him from whatever was about to happen.
Strangely when Key spoke, his voice was evenly calm. “Why did you do it? Of all the people you could have, why him?”
Dongwoon tilted his head slightly. “I just felt like it.”
Key stood up from the bed and faced Dongwoon. “After everything I told you. After all he did to me, your friend. Why would you sleep with him?” His voice slowly rose with emotion.
“Who said it would be the same for me?” Dongwoon whispered. “I’m sorry he humiliated you, but my intentions are not the same as yours were and I’m not as sensitive as you are. I can handle whatever happens to me.”
The atmosphere in the room changed drastically. Everyone was waiting for the volcano that is known as Key to erupt. Dongwoon’s piercing words hung like static in the air.
“You’ve changed Dongwoon. You used to be a little more sympathetic to other’s feelings.” Key looked defeated for once. It was different than his usually explosive reactions. “Do whatever you want. It’s your fault if you get hurt. Don’t come crying to me when it happens.”
Jonghyun placed his beer on the coffee table and walked across the room to Key’s side. He took Key’s hand and led him back to the sofa where he began to whisper into Key’s ear.
I know that Doojoon is a sore subject for Key and I feel bad for bringing it up but was I wrong in thinking that he needed to know what Dongwoon was doing? Key had told us about his first year at PCU in order to prepare us for whatever was to come. He told us about the professors and classes. He also told us to watch out for certain upperclassmen because some of them could be cruel. He said one in particular, Doojoon, lured him in with lovely words and false hopes, only to take everything and leave him broken. Eventually Jonghyun was able to piece Key back together, but the damage was done.
Maybe it was because Key was inexperienced before he came to PCU? Maybe it was because Key chose the wrong person to give himself to fully for the first time? Key gets attached easily, which means he gets hurt just as easily. He tries to hide what he truly feels behind his attitude but sometimes it surfaces and we all remember how fragile he can be. He’s always strong for everyone else, always trying to fix everyone else’s problems that he neglects his own sometimes. Even though Jonghyun doesn’t seem like the type of guy Key would end up with, especially since he’s more brawn than brains, I think he is the perfect fit for whatever it is that Key needs. Jonghyun acts as the perfect medicine for Key’s problems. Even now as they sit on the couch, I can hear Jonghyun mumbling idiotic things into Key’s ear causing him to smile and giggle, which is exactly what Key needs at the moment.
Jinwoon and I moved to the bed, sitting on either side of Dongwoon. I fazed out as they became engrossed in discussing Jinwoon’s love life once again. It wasn’t that I was uninterested in the topic; I simply had other things on my mind. As much as I don’t want to admit it, I can’t seem to get Joon off of my mind. A part of me wonders what he’s doing at this exact moment. I wonder whether he is sulking in his room all alone or at a bar drinking a fair amount of alcohol to forget whatever demons are plaguing him from his relationship with Seungho. I wonder if Seungho realizes the trauma he has put Joon through. I barely know Joon, yet I can’t help but worry about his well-being.
This leads to another issue. I fear that my desire to be nice to Joon is because I pity him and his situation. I wouldn’t want to befriend him simply because I feel sorry for him. No one wants that type of friendship. Even so, I can’t stop thinking about him. And I wonder if he thinks about me too?
________________________________________________________
A/N: I hate that it took so long to update but I hope next time will come sooner. I hope you enjoyed all the little bits of information in this episode.
Author: leejaehwa7
Fandom: BEAST/Infinite/Big Bang/MBLAQ/Block B/SHINee/more
Couples: BEAST/OT6, Woohyun/Sunggyu, Myungsoo/Sungyeol/Sungjong, Joon/Mir, Zico/Kyung, Jonghyun/Key, GD/TOP, more
Chapters: 6/?
Rating: NC-17 (mostly)
Disclaimer: I don’t own these lovely guys but the plot is definitely concocted by my pervy mind ^_^
Summary: Pleasure Cruise University (PCU) is an all boys school on the sea that specifically caters to the wealthy elites of society. The school provides the perfect place for males with healthy sex drives, who wish to have fun before entering into family businesses. The school may seem
like a playground for adults, but it teaches something more than outsiders can ever understand.
A/N: It's been a while. This has Hyunseung and Mir's CAMs. I wanted to give some insight on a few characters. It turned out a little angsty.
( Episode 5)
Episode 6
Hyunseung’s CAM:
It was inevitable. I shouldn’t have been so surprised to hear my parent’s plans when I returned home this summer, but I hadn’t expected they would push for it so soon. Thinking back, my decision to attend PCU probably encouraged them to act quickly to ensure their control over me is still in effect. Maybe they feared that my going away from home for the first time would give me a more willful attitude. I could see it in their scheming eyes all summer after they made the announcement and arranged my affairs to make sure that I had absolutely no free time.
I felt suffocated all summer. It wasn’t until I reached the dock and boarded Bliss for another year at PCU that I felt like I could finally breathe freely. At one point I began to worry that my parents would refuse to let me come back to school. If that had happened, I was more than ready to runaway from home.
Honestly, I don’t know why I’m even thinking in this manner. There really is no point in postponing the inevitable. Eventually, I will have to follow my parent’s wishes and take on the legacy they wish to pass down to me. Prolonging this fact only makes it more difficult for the ones I care about and myself, or should I be more specific, Junhyung and myself.
I missed him all summer. He constantly plagued my thoughts to the point that I felt as if I may go crazy if I didn’t at least get to hear his voice. My parents must have known this fact when they were designing my schedule because the rare opportunities I was able to speak with Junhyung occurred during the early hours of the morning in which we were almost too sleepy to remain conscious enough to hold a conversation.
Even now that we are together again, lingering thoughts of this summer keep interrupting my moments of happiness reminding me of the reality I will face after leaving PCU. Junhyung is beginning to notice how stressed I’ve become. He’s beginning to worry and ask questions, but I don’t want him to know, at least not yet. I want us to enjoy this year together. I don’t want to ruin everything by bringing up the truth about our situation and arguing about things we can’t change.
Being unable to talk about it, however, is putting a strain on our relationship. I don’t want to think about ending what Junhyung and I have. I don’t want to feel like everything we’ve been through was pointless. It hurts knowing we can’t stay together if we wish to fulfill our parent’s dreams. I’ve known from the beginning that our relationship wouldn’t survive. Junhyung’s filial nature won’t allow him to go against anything his parents want and I understand his desire to be a good son because I’m willing to fulfill my parent’s wishes as well. But knowing all of this doesn’t make the result of how our future will turn out any easier.
With all of these thoughts of the future, I sometimes wish that I had chosen not to fall for anyone. It hurts too much to be in love with someone when I know we can never fully be together. Sometimes I hate myself for pulling Junhyung into this world of love and pain. It would all be easier if we were simply having fun together and biding our time before we return to the reality our parent’s wish for us. At times like these I always find myself confiding in the only person I know capable of keeping his emotions under control in regards to love, Doojoon.
I hadn’t intentionally sought Doojoon out to discuss the topic of relationships; he was simply in the right place at the right time. Considering my inability to hide my emotions just yet, I’ve been finding ways to avoid Junhyung without drawing too much suspicion. I’ve been casually wandering around the ship to pass time and clear my mind. It was during one of these strolls that I came across Doojoon leaning against the railing on one of the upper decks, gazing intently at the deck below. He had been so caught up in his own world that he didn’t realize I was beside him until I cleared my throat. Startled by my appearance, he nudged my arm with his elbow and exclaimed, “You shouldn’t sneak up on people like that.”
Sighing heavily I turned my eyesight towards the horizon. The slowly setting sun cast rays of reds, oranges, and yellows across the glistening sea. It was always a sight to behold, something I will never get tired of seeing.
Doojoon turned to face me, leaning sideways on the railing. “Is there something bothering you?” I gave him a sideways glance, leaving the question hanging unanswered. He turned back towards the horizon interlacing his fingers as he leaned on the railing again and stared off into the distance. Silence remained for some time before Doojoon added, “You know, Junhyung’s worried about you?”
“Really?” I replied in an uninterested tone. “What’s he been saying?”
“I believe there was something about you avoiding him and not eating properly.” Out of the corner of my eye I could see him shaking his head. “It’s really none of my business but whatever’s going on between you two, work it out soon.”
Junhyung must be trying to hide his worries from me because he’s been acting like everything is fine between us. Maybe he is afraid to bring it up? But if he’s telling Doojoon about it, I know the situation is truly bothering him because he rarely ever voices his concern about anything. I’m not really giving him a reason to worry so much. So what if I just want a little space, is it really that weird?
“How do you do it?” I wondered aloud.
“Well, first I find someone I’m interested in and…” Doojoon began.
“No, no,” I interrupted. “I meant, how do you keep from falling for someone?”
After my clarification, Doojoon made an “O” with his mouth and grinned. “It’s easy Hyunseung, but isn’t it a little late for you to be asking that?” He watched me curiously when I didn’t respond. “Not that I really care, but what’s going on with you and Junhyung?”
“If you don’t care, then why are you asking?” I countered.
“We’re all friends aren’t we? Isn’t that what friends do?”
I was shocked for a second. “Doojoon, I think that’s the first time you’ve ever called me your friend. Normally I’m ‘Junhyung’s lover,’ ‘lover boy,’ or ‘doe-eyes.’ You actually think of me as a friend?”
“Don’t change the subject Hyunseung.” He turned to face me full on while placing his hands on either of my shoulders. “Tell me the truth.”
Without making eye contact, I replied, “The inevitable is happening.”
“What’s that’s supposed to mean?” he asked.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about Doojoon. It’s one of the reasons you won’t actually attempt a real relationship.” His eyes widened in surprise as I looked up at him. “I’ve never seen my parents so serious about something. They almost didn’t let me come back to school.”
He replied with a simple, “That’s rough.”
“I know, I know.” Taking a step back, I ran my hand across my face. “I just…I can’t tell him. I don’t want this issue to ruin our year together.”
“If that’s the case then you should work on hiding your emotions better.”
“Thanks for the insight Mr. Obvious, as if I don’t already know that.”
He held his hands up as if in surrender and turned to lean against the railing once again. “Personally, I think you should talk to him. If the relationship really means that much to the both of you, you should at least let him know what’s going on. What’s the point of being in a relationship if you're not even willing to fight for it?” His voice became serious with the last statement as if he was speaking from personal experience.
“Doojoon, I…”
He waved his hand to shush me. He was peering over the railing intently. Following his eye contact, I witnessed two rather cute guys splashing each other in the pool below. The muscular one was continuously splashing water as the other squealed and made an attempt to swim away. His laughter could be heard above all other noises, it was light and carefree. Looking back at Doojoon, I noticed he was glaring at the scene before us.
“So who’s the cutie?” I asked interrupting whatever inner turmoil he was dealing with. “Wait, isn’t he the one from move-in day?” I leaned forward trying to get a better look at him.
“First year by the name of Yang Yoseob. His father established the largest natural energy company in the country,” Doojoon replied, giving what facts he knew about the kid.
“Are you referring to Yang Corp? Isn’t that one of your father’s biggest competitors?”
Doojoon nodded in agreement. “Yeah, but that doesn’t make me any less interested in him. Problem is he’s supposedly dating the guy attacking him now, Lee Kikwang. I can’t really find any information about him though.”
“So what are you planning?”
“Haven’t figured it out yet. Every time I get close to him, his boyfriend pops up and pulls him away.” A grin spread across Doojoon’s lips. “The chase makes it more interesting, don’t you agree? If they all give in to me, it’s not as much fun anymore.”
“Speaking of which,” I spoke while eyeing him. “How many have you been with so far?”
He paused scratching his chin in thought. “Seven,” he finally replied.
“We’ve only been back a week!” I exclaimed.
“That’s one for every day of the week,” he chuckled.
“Do you even remember any of their names?”
He thought for a second and smirked. “There was one that went exceptionally well. His name was Dongwoon. He actually attempted to seduce me. Can you believe that?”
“Looks like you found your perfect match.” I couldn’t help laughing at his somewhat surprised expression. “Be careful Doojoon. One of these days someone is really going to seduce you and you won’t be able to help falling for them.”
He playfully shoved my shoulder. “Don’t you dare curse me like that,” he ordered.
“It’s not as bad as you make it out to be.”
Doojoon’s eyes saddened at the comment. “Hyunseung,” he started in a low and steady voice. “What you’re experiencing right now with Junhyung is nothing. It’s a million times worse once everything ends.”
Reaching over, I attempted to pat his shoulder but he shrugged my hand off and pivoted taking a step back. “You chose the path you’re on. I’ve never seen Junhyung this happy before and I know it’s because of you. Don’t be afraid to fight for what you two have together. It would be a shame to see it end.”
“You know why it won’t last. You know Junhyung won’t go against his parents.” I wanted to continue arguing. He was spouting out ideas about something he shies away from.
“You never know until you try Hyunseung and even then he might surprise you.” His voice was final as he gave me a sad smile and quickly retreated down the nearest staircase.
I wasn’t sure if our chat made me feel better or worse about the situation, but it has helped me realize that there is more to Doojoon than the playboy image he hides behind. Based on his comments, I would definitely say he’s had his heartbroken before. I wonder if that’s why he’s so reluctant to have another serious relationship.
Considering Doojoon’s advice, I perched against the railing debating on what I should do next. If I tell Junhyung the situation, will things change between us? Will Junhyung insist on staying together? Will it help us cope with the knowledge that we will be separated at the end of the school year? It’s all too much to handle right now. I don’t want to think about losing him.
This walk was supposed to help me clear my mind and gain control over my emotions but I feel in less control now than before. Why did Doojoon have to say all of those things and make my mind wander in thoughts of all the “what if’s” I have in regards to Junhyung and me?
Looking back at the pool and watching the young couple before me, I was reminded of when Junhyung and I first got together. We were untroubled with thoughts of the future. We simply wanted to have fun and experience life and love. I miss those days. I wish I could go back to those days. It’s like the moment when you realize you are no longer a child and you can never return to your childhood. You curse yourself for not savoring it when you had the chance. Now I can only sit in despair and recall the good times while praying for the encroaching pain of our inevitable breakup to pass quickly.
Honestly, I’m more worried that Junhyung won’t be able to handle the news and I won’t be there to help him through it.
Mir’s CAM:
Considering its Friday night and the end of the first week of school, everyone has it in their minds to unwind and have some fun together. Of course, PCU offers many venues in which to free one’s self and simply let go after classes let out. There are clubs and other fun activities open all week, but Key insisted we hang out in his room because he wanted some quality bonding time with all the guys.
Jonghyun argued against this plan in hopes of spending time alone with Key but his attempts were in vain. Key’s adamant attitude can never be won against. In the end, we found ourselves in Jonghyun and Key’s shared bedroom listening to music and drinking fancy alcohol while chatting about whatever topic comes up.
Key had invited everyone within our close circle of friends, most of whom we went to school with or our families were close friends. I could tell he was excited because we were all finally attending PCU together. Our friend Jinwoon who was also in his second year was one of the first to show up after myself. Next Minho, who could have attended school a year sooner but decided to wait for his boyfriend to be able to, showed up dragging Taemin along with him. Everyone knew those two were basically inseparable and somehow, unlike most couples their age, they were magically capable of not getting sick of one another’s presence. They live together, eat together, and go to class together every single day among other things, which alone would drive most people insane. And lastly Dongwoon decided to grace us with his presence a good half-hour after everyone else had already showed up and started drinking.
There was another person invited, who Key had only became acquainted with last year at the beginning of the new term, but I can’t say I’m not relieved he didn’t show up. Ever since the start of school party and our night spent together, I find it awkward to have a conversation with Joon. We’ve ran into each other a few times, whether it was during meal time or simply walking around the ship. As if things couldn’t get any more awkward, I walked into Foreplay 101 during the first day of classes to find him sitting next to the only empty seat in the room.
Being forced to sit next to him in a confined space for an hour at a time, three days a week has been somewhat torturous. I don’t know what to say to him or how to act around him. Joon practically ignoring me doesn’t help the situation much either. It’s as if we never shared any of those vulnerable moments together. Maybe he forgot telling me everything or maybe he is simply trying to forget it all happened? But how am I supposed to forget knowing the sad truth about his messy relationship with an upperclassman? How am I supposed to forget the way he clung to my hand so desperately in hopes of finding some comfort from whatever memories were plaguing his mind? It’s difficult pretending everything is fine when I know what’s hiding behind the mask of serenity he tries to hide behind.
Key’s voice startled me from my thoughts. “Mir, are you even listening?” he complained.
“Hmmm?”
“What are you daydreaming about? I was asking you to pass the wine.” He gestured towards the table beside me and shook his extended hand as he waited impatiently.
Reaching over, I pulled the bottle out of the ice bucket and wiped off the condensation around the bottom before handing it over to him. I glanced around the room taking in the view. Minho was seated in the armchair with Taemin perched sideways in his lap. They were having their own little conversation away from everyone else. Minho was feeding Taemin little finger snacks in between sentences. The younger of the two always looked as if he enjoyed nothing more than the way Minho doted and fawned over him. I don’t think they have ever had an argument during their entire time together. They barely even bicker with one another, but I’m not sure that’s exactly the best thing for a growing relationship.
Jonghyun and Jinwoon were having a serious conversation about some basketball team while seated facing one another on the sofa. They both had an arm resting on the back of the sofa clutching a beer, while moving their other arms animatedly as they both ranted over some players actions during a game.
Considering I took the other armchair, the bed was the only other comfortable place to sit in the room. Dongwoon and Key were sitting crossed-legged before one another sipping on finely aged Merlot and discussing Dongwoon’s relationship status. Apparently he broke up with whatever girl he had been dating during the summer so that he could be completely single at the beginning of the school year. We all know Dongwoon doesn’t stay in relationships for extended periods of time but this particular time appeared promising because he had been with her for almost three months.
“Being with her was becoming tiresome and a long distance relationship didn’t make any sense to me, so I got rid of her,” he explained. “Besides, I wouldn’t be able get the best out of my school experience if I was being weighed down by some chick.”
“That’s cruel Dongwoon,” Key stated reprimanding him with a smack to his leg.
I couldn’t help but laugh at them. Key was always more mature than us and constantly fought to keep us on the “right path” in life. He worried about everyone nonstop and always kept an ear open for any of our problems. He’s a good friend when it comes to giving advice or simply being a shoulder to lean on. Key has always been stern about watching over us, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. Dongwoon doesn’t make Key’s job any easier with his constant fooling around and changing partners almost as frequently as he changes his underwear.
“It’s not like I was hiding anything from her. You know I always tell everyone I hook up with that I’m not looking for anything serious, that I just want to have some fun.” Dongwoon had a point. He was always honest in his relationships. “I was only with her for so long because she seemed to understand. It was an open relationship anyways. She already had another guy by the time I called it quits.”
“I don’t understand how people can live like that. Relationships are supposed to be special,” Key sighed exasperatedly. He seemed personally offended by Dongwoon’s decision to have flings and careless interludes with whomever he deems worthy of his time.
“Why don’t we get off the subject of myself and discuss Jinwoon’s relationship status,” Dongwoon suggested gazing over at the handsome male on the sofa.
Upon hearing his name, Jinwoon snapped his head sideways and asked, “Are you talking about me?”
Dongwoon grinned as if he knew something no one else did. “I heard you got really close to a certain older female over the summer. Mind filling us in with the details?”
This statement caught everyone’s attention. We were all eyeing Jinwoon in earnest as Key voiced our thoughts. “You’re dating an older woman? Who? Do we know her?”
“Oh, you know her and so does Jonghyun but the rest of us might not know her so well,” Dongwoon replied. “Although she is kind of hard to miss.”
“How did you find out about it?” Jinwoon inquired, not really annoyed but more intrigued at Dongwoon’s knowledge of the situation.
“I hear things,” Dongwoon simply answered. “I see things,” he added in a smirk.
“Stop being so secretive and just tell us who it is already,” Key snapped.
Dongwoon and Jinwoon made eye contact as if deciding who would spill this interesting piece of information. Jinwoon sighed and murmured, “Gina.”
“Gina?” Key responded drawing out the name.
“Wait, does she work at PCU?” Jonghyun chimed in. Jinwoon nodded shyly. “No way! You’re dating Nurse Choi. She’s so fucking hot!” After his outburst, Key hurled a pillow across the room barely missing Jonghyun’s head. “Hey! I can’t help it if it’s the truth Key.”
“Anyways, how did it happen? When did you two get together?” Key questioned.
“Remember when I got food poisoning at the end of last year?” Key nodded. “She took care of me. Even after I was better she would still ask me how I was doing. It wasn’t until after school ended that she asked if I would like to see her over the summer. We started meeting regularly and things got serious between us.”
“So she initiated the relationship?” Dongwoon asked.
“What? Is that so hard to believe?” Jinwoon countered.
“Isn’t it banned for students and staff members to be in relationships?” Key interrupted.
“Yeah, it is, which is why Gina waited until summer started to ask me out.”
“But you two are still together?”
“Yeah, but we were together before school began so technically it’s okay.”
“How does that make it okay?” Key wondered.
“It just does.” Jinwoon was beginning to dislike the attention set on him. I could tell he was getting irritated by all of the questions. He glanced my way and made eye contact. “Mir?”
“Hmmm?” My eyes widened wondering why he was suddenly singling me out.
“I heard from Joon’s roommate Junho that you two spent the night together. Is that true?” He grinned as he spat the information out causing all eyes to turn to me.
“I didn’t hear that you slept over!” Key exclaimed. “Why did no one tell me that you two slept together?”
“It’s not what you think.” I waved my hands trying to expel all the dirty thoughts floating around the room. Taemin and Minho were giggling, Jonghyun was trying not to choke on his beer, and Dongwoon was giving me a knowing look that implied so much more than the truth.
“What happened?” Key inquired.
“Nothing,” I replied. “Joon was upset and didn’t want to be left alone. Nothing happened between us,” I reiterated my point.
“Then why is Joon acting so strangely every time I bring up the subject of you in conversations?” he asked.
“How am I supposed to know? He avoids me like the plague. It probably has something to do with the fact that he got shit-faced and started confessing all types of crap about his past.” I shrugged.
I could feel everyone staring at me intently as if trying to find a lie in my words. “Are you sure nothing happened or were you so drunk you forgot everything?” Jinwoon suggested.
“Why are you attacking me? I wasn’t the one who brought up the topic of you and Gina that was Dongwoon. Why don’t you go after him?” I questioned. Jinwoon shifted in his seat worried that the topic would return to him once more. I set my gaze to Dongwoon and smirked knowing I had the best material to get Key’s attention off of my situation with Joon, but wasn't sure if I should use it just yet.
“Don’t you two sit beside each other in Foreplay 101?” Dongwoon asked. “You two look like such an awkward couple, it’s so cute.”
“Dongwoon?” I interjected. “I heard you hooked up with someone rather important on our first night aboard the ship.”
Key was looking back and forth between us wondering where he should direct his attention. The others in the room were simply watching in amusement as we dished information about one another, exposing secret after secret. This always tends to happen when we all get together. Old news for some becomes new for others because sometimes not everyone gets the update and we have to catch up with whatever drama is going on in each other’s lives.
Dongwoon eyed me wearily as if telling me not to say anything or he would make me regret it. His threats were always so clear, even the silent ones, but I felt this little piece of information was something Key should know.
“Key? Why don’t you ask Dongwoon whom he slept with? It’s far more interesting than my story.”
His eyes continued to flicker between Dongwoon and myself until they eventually settled on the male sitting directly beside him on the bed. “Who, Dongwoon?”
The other sighed before placing his hands at his sides, clutching the bed spread beneath him. Without looking up he answered. “Doojoon.”
Jinwoon gasped after hearing the name. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Jonghyun tense up. Key was stunned for a few moments as he tried to collect his thoughts. Minho placed his arm around Taemin’s waist as if to protect him from whatever was about to happen.
Strangely when Key spoke, his voice was evenly calm. “Why did you do it? Of all the people you could have, why him?”
Dongwoon tilted his head slightly. “I just felt like it.”
Key stood up from the bed and faced Dongwoon. “After everything I told you. After all he did to me, your friend. Why would you sleep with him?” His voice slowly rose with emotion.
“Who said it would be the same for me?” Dongwoon whispered. “I’m sorry he humiliated you, but my intentions are not the same as yours were and I’m not as sensitive as you are. I can handle whatever happens to me.”
The atmosphere in the room changed drastically. Everyone was waiting for the volcano that is known as Key to erupt. Dongwoon’s piercing words hung like static in the air.
“You’ve changed Dongwoon. You used to be a little more sympathetic to other’s feelings.” Key looked defeated for once. It was different than his usually explosive reactions. “Do whatever you want. It’s your fault if you get hurt. Don’t come crying to me when it happens.”
Jonghyun placed his beer on the coffee table and walked across the room to Key’s side. He took Key’s hand and led him back to the sofa where he began to whisper into Key’s ear.
I know that Doojoon is a sore subject for Key and I feel bad for bringing it up but was I wrong in thinking that he needed to know what Dongwoon was doing? Key had told us about his first year at PCU in order to prepare us for whatever was to come. He told us about the professors and classes. He also told us to watch out for certain upperclassmen because some of them could be cruel. He said one in particular, Doojoon, lured him in with lovely words and false hopes, only to take everything and leave him broken. Eventually Jonghyun was able to piece Key back together, but the damage was done.
Maybe it was because Key was inexperienced before he came to PCU? Maybe it was because Key chose the wrong person to give himself to fully for the first time? Key gets attached easily, which means he gets hurt just as easily. He tries to hide what he truly feels behind his attitude but sometimes it surfaces and we all remember how fragile he can be. He’s always strong for everyone else, always trying to fix everyone else’s problems that he neglects his own sometimes. Even though Jonghyun doesn’t seem like the type of guy Key would end up with, especially since he’s more brawn than brains, I think he is the perfect fit for whatever it is that Key needs. Jonghyun acts as the perfect medicine for Key’s problems. Even now as they sit on the couch, I can hear Jonghyun mumbling idiotic things into Key’s ear causing him to smile and giggle, which is exactly what Key needs at the moment.
Jinwoon and I moved to the bed, sitting on either side of Dongwoon. I fazed out as they became engrossed in discussing Jinwoon’s love life once again. It wasn’t that I was uninterested in the topic; I simply had other things on my mind. As much as I don’t want to admit it, I can’t seem to get Joon off of my mind. A part of me wonders what he’s doing at this exact moment. I wonder whether he is sulking in his room all alone or at a bar drinking a fair amount of alcohol to forget whatever demons are plaguing him from his relationship with Seungho. I wonder if Seungho realizes the trauma he has put Joon through. I barely know Joon, yet I can’t help but worry about his well-being.
This leads to another issue. I fear that my desire to be nice to Joon is because I pity him and his situation. I wouldn’t want to befriend him simply because I feel sorry for him. No one wants that type of friendship. Even so, I can’t stop thinking about him. And I wonder if he thinks about me too?
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A/N: I hate that it took so long to update but I hope next time will come sooner. I hope you enjoyed all the little bits of information in this episode.