yeah it's been a while......
It’s raining out and it’s warm. This is my ideal type of weather. It’s the type of atmosphere that I think of when I’m feeling down.
I’m striving for eloquence in dress, actions, and language……some days I make it and some days I fail. I just feel like I’ve lost agency in my life and this I think is the best way to remedy that. If you live something long enough it becomes "true" right?
I never thought it would be this hard to get a job. Pretty much every job I’ve ever applied for in the past I’ve gotten. I hate not working, I’m just so bored, I feel my brain shrinking and falling apart, but this stage of my life will be over soon and then the real decision making process begins. If I don’t have a job by graduation I’m going to have to leave and move back home. My mom is trying to buy a house right now and if they accept her bid I’ll be working at home and helping her to fix it up.
And speaking of fixing things up I’m starting with myself. I’ve been working out a lot more over the last month then I ever have, as a result I’ve lost 15 pounds since Christmas. 15 more and I’ll be at my first real goal 170. I figure if I can lose the weight and keep it off through the summer then I have a good shot of keeping the weight off permanently. If I make it to 170 well then I might shoot for 160 but well see that’s still a ways away.
In terms of friends and love, both are messeed up right now. The people I used to hang out with have graduated and the ones that haven’t I seem to have grown away from without really realizing it. I’m pretty co-op dependent as friendships go and most of the people in the co-op aren’t around as much as they were first semester, I’m thinking it’s just cabin fever. As for love I’m not really good at maintaining relationships. People keep telling me I should be dating guys who are my age and older as if that makes things easier. I’m friends with older established guys and they’re just as fucked up as I am, the only difference is they have more money to spend on drugs and booze. So I struggle on trying to meet new people and seeing if we have what it takes to carry on a rewarding conversation let alone a relationship.
I’m striving for eloquence in dress, actions, and language……some days I make it and some days I fail. I just feel like I’ve lost agency in my life and this I think is the best way to remedy that. If you live something long enough it becomes "true" right?
I never thought it would be this hard to get a job. Pretty much every job I’ve ever applied for in the past I’ve gotten. I hate not working, I’m just so bored, I feel my brain shrinking and falling apart, but this stage of my life will be over soon and then the real decision making process begins. If I don’t have a job by graduation I’m going to have to leave and move back home. My mom is trying to buy a house right now and if they accept her bid I’ll be working at home and helping her to fix it up.
And speaking of fixing things up I’m starting with myself. I’ve been working out a lot more over the last month then I ever have, as a result I’ve lost 15 pounds since Christmas. 15 more and I’ll be at my first real goal 170. I figure if I can lose the weight and keep it off through the summer then I have a good shot of keeping the weight off permanently. If I make it to 170 well then I might shoot for 160 but well see that’s still a ways away.
In terms of friends and love, both are messeed up right now. The people I used to hang out with have graduated and the ones that haven’t I seem to have grown away from without really realizing it. I’m pretty co-op dependent as friendships go and most of the people in the co-op aren’t around as much as they were first semester, I’m thinking it’s just cabin fever. As for love I’m not really good at maintaining relationships. People keep telling me I should be dating guys who are my age and older as if that makes things easier. I’m friends with older established guys and they’re just as fucked up as I am, the only difference is they have more money to spend on drugs and booze. So I struggle on trying to meet new people and seeing if we have what it takes to carry on a rewarding conversation let alone a relationship.