So, Israel!
I love my job, despite not having any idea WTF I'm doing. (Ostensibly, teaching beginning English to African Refugees, and helping organize/do admin stuff the rest of the time.) Everyone is Very Impressed that I'm not freaking the fuck out and seem calm and competent. My usual strategy of 'fake it til you make it' seems to be working. O_O
I've been sort of successful at the whole "actually socialize" thing, also. Been out drinking with a few people, had dinner at someone from work's house, etc.
Though I have to admit, it's very very strange to be back in a position of not being out to anyone, and being presumed (and passing as) straight.
I stay quiet a lot, which bothers me because I'm good at sitting quietly in the corner and I don't want to be. It's less shyness and more being unsure of people - I'm working at a refugee center, so people are pretty clearly on the "in favor of human rights" side, but I'm still in a country I don't know, where I barely speak the language, and my survival instincts are very strong. It's not that I don't feel safe - I actually feel a LOT safer in general in Tel Aviv than in any American city I've been to - but rather that I don't know if I would continue to be safe were I open about being queer.
On another note, I realized the other day that I feel young at times here not just because I /am/ young, and alone in a new place, but also because every single other person my age is in the army. Seeing people who look like my friends from home walking around the bus-station-cum-mall where I work with assault rifles is kind of terrifying - and yet I got used to it very quickly. Which in and of itself is terrifying.
Anyways. I'm loving being here, and taking the uncomfortable experiences for what they are. It's probably good to remind myself that the real world is not my lovely college bubble.
I've been sort of successful at the whole "actually socialize" thing, also. Been out drinking with a few people, had dinner at someone from work's house, etc.
Though I have to admit, it's very very strange to be back in a position of not being out to anyone, and being presumed (and passing as) straight.
I stay quiet a lot, which bothers me because I'm good at sitting quietly in the corner and I don't want to be. It's less shyness and more being unsure of people - I'm working at a refugee center, so people are pretty clearly on the "in favor of human rights" side, but I'm still in a country I don't know, where I barely speak the language, and my survival instincts are very strong. It's not that I don't feel safe - I actually feel a LOT safer in general in Tel Aviv than in any American city I've been to - but rather that I don't know if I would continue to be safe were I open about being queer.
On another note, I realized the other day that I feel young at times here not just because I /am/ young, and alone in a new place, but also because every single other person my age is in the army. Seeing people who look like my friends from home walking around the bus-station-cum-mall where I work with assault rifles is kind of terrifying - and yet I got used to it very quickly. Which in and of itself is terrifying.
Anyways. I'm loving being here, and taking the uncomfortable experiences for what they are. It's probably good to remind myself that the real world is not my lovely college bubble.