Yo Strawberry!
randombattlecry's drabble generator post on battlestar_blog prompted me to go looking for other story generators and I found Randumbness. It produced this gem.
Title: Yo Strawberry!
Author: leeadamamusings aka anastashial
Rating: G
Character/Pairing: Lee/Kara
Genre: Crack Fic
Word Count: 1240
Spoilers: You've got to be kidding!
Disclaimer: They're not mine but Ron said we could play with them.
Summary: Lee goes looking for his lost strawberry and somebody we all know has it! Hilarity ensues, but the ending is kind of a downer :( (The generator gives a choice of happy or sad ending and just for grins I picked sad). Still I got the teary eyed laughing state out of this one. Do run a spell check if you use this, unless you want the random misspellings too.
It all started when our cliche, protagonistic figure, Lee, woke up in a lemur-infested moor. It was the tenth time it had happened. Feeling ridiculously displeased, Lee deflowered a banana, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, he realized that his beloved strawberry was missing! Immediately he called his vicariously jealous friend, Kara. Lee had known Kara for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were exotic ones. Kara was unique. She was plucky though sometimes a little... stupid. Lee called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Kara picked up to a very angry Lee. Kara calmly assured him that most long-haired sea monkeys sigh before mating, yet spotted wolf hamsters usually scandalously cringe *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Lee. Why was Kara trying to distract Lee? Because she had snuck out from Lee's with the strawberry only three days prior. It was a sassy little strawberry... how could she resist?
It didn't take long before Lee got back to the subject at hand: his strawberry. Kara turned red. Reluctantly, Kara invited him over, assuring him they'd find the strawberry. Lee grabbed his time machine and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Kara realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the strawberry and she had to do it aimlessly. She figured that if Lee took the best-in-its-so-called-'class' sedan, she had take at least three minutes before Lee would get there. But if he took the Viper? Then Kara would be excessively screwed.
Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Kara was interrupted by four pestering daggits that were lured by her strawberry. Kara yawned; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling pleased, she aptly reached for her dangerous oil-soaked rag and aimlessly attacked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the foxy forest, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Viper rolling up. It was Lee.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Seven-Eleven to pick up a 12-pack of dull pencils, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Lee was out of the Viper and went flamboyantly jaunting toward Kara's front door. Meanwhile inside, Kara was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the strawberry into a box of bananas and then slid the box behind her elephant. Kara was frustrated but at least the strawberry was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Kara sassily purred. With a mighty push, Lee opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some selfish genocidal maniac in a deliciously practical 4-door,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Kara assured him. Lee took a seat tragically close to where Kara had hidden the strawberry. Kara panicked trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Lee was distracted. Just as zero people expected Kara noticed a pestering look on Lee's face. Lee slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Kara felt a stabbing pain in her taint when Lee asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the strawberry right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A annoying look started to form on Lee's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ripened avocados from when she used to have pet venomous koalas. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Lee nodded with fake acknowledgment...then, before Kara could react, Lee deftly lunged toward the box and opened it. The strawberry was plainly in view.
Lee stared at Kara for what what must've been five minutes. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Kara groped sassily in Lee's direction, clearly desperate. Lee grabbed the strawberry and bolted for the door. It was locked. Kara let out a exotic chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Lee,' she rebuked. Kara always had been a little annoying, so Lee knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Kara did something crazy, like... start chucking bananas at her or something. Just as zero people expected he gripped his strawberry tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Kara looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Lee. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame seven days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Lee. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Kara walked over to the window and looked down. Lee was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Lee was struggling to make his way through the secret vineyard behind Kara's place. Lee had severely hurt his scalp during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral daggits suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the strawberry. One by one they latched on to Lee. Already weakened from his injury, Lee yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of daggits running off with his strawberry.
About two hours later, Lee awoke, his fingernail throbbing. It was dark and Lee did not know where he was. Deep in the mysterious fantastic pumpkin patch, Lee was ridiculously lost. Just as zero people expected he remembered that his strawberry was taken by the daggits. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a teensy daggit emerged from the bush. It was the alpha daggit. Lee opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the daggit sunk its teeth into Lee's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Lee's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than six miles away, Kara was entombed by anguish over the loss of the strawberry. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened wolverine. With a quick thrust, she buried it deeply into her prostate. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Lee... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the strawberry that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sapling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant daggits, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
LOLz!!!
*** L337 Story Generator v1.0
*** Written by Derek Clark. Copyright © www.the-elite.net ~ 2004-2005
*** Forever pwning with earnest.
http://www.the-elite.net/---/story/
Title: Yo Strawberry!
Author: leeadamamusings aka anastashial
Rating: G
Character/Pairing: Lee/Kara
Genre: Crack Fic
Word Count: 1240
Spoilers: You've got to be kidding!
Disclaimer: They're not mine but Ron said we could play with them.
Summary: Lee goes looking for his lost strawberry and somebody we all know has it! Hilarity ensues, but the ending is kind of a downer :( (The generator gives a choice of happy or sad ending and just for grins I picked sad). Still I got the teary eyed laughing state out of this one. Do run a spell check if you use this, unless you want the random misspellings too.
It all started when our cliche, protagonistic figure, Lee, woke up in a lemur-infested moor. It was the tenth time it had happened. Feeling ridiculously displeased, Lee deflowered a banana, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, he realized that his beloved strawberry was missing! Immediately he called his vicariously jealous friend, Kara. Lee had known Kara for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were exotic ones. Kara was unique. She was plucky though sometimes a little... stupid. Lee called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Kara picked up to a very angry Lee. Kara calmly assured him that most long-haired sea monkeys sigh before mating, yet spotted wolf hamsters usually scandalously cringe *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Lee. Why was Kara trying to distract Lee? Because she had snuck out from Lee's with the strawberry only three days prior. It was a sassy little strawberry... how could she resist?
It didn't take long before Lee got back to the subject at hand: his strawberry. Kara turned red. Reluctantly, Kara invited him over, assuring him they'd find the strawberry. Lee grabbed his time machine and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Kara realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the strawberry and she had to do it aimlessly. She figured that if Lee took the best-in-its-so-called-'class' sedan, she had take at least three minutes before Lee would get there. But if he took the Viper? Then Kara would be excessively screwed.
Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Kara was interrupted by four pestering daggits that were lured by her strawberry. Kara yawned; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling pleased, she aptly reached for her dangerous oil-soaked rag and aimlessly attacked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the foxy forest, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Viper rolling up. It was Lee.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Seven-Eleven to pick up a 12-pack of dull pencils, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Lee was out of the Viper and went flamboyantly jaunting toward Kara's front door. Meanwhile inside, Kara was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the strawberry into a box of bananas and then slid the box behind her elephant. Kara was frustrated but at least the strawberry was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Kara sassily purred. With a mighty push, Lee opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some selfish genocidal maniac in a deliciously practical 4-door,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Kara assured him. Lee took a seat tragically close to where Kara had hidden the strawberry. Kara panicked trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Lee was distracted. Just as zero people expected Kara noticed a pestering look on Lee's face. Lee slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Kara felt a stabbing pain in her taint when Lee asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the strawberry right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A annoying look started to form on Lee's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ripened avocados from when she used to have pet venomous koalas. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Lee nodded with fake acknowledgment...then, before Kara could react, Lee deftly lunged toward the box and opened it. The strawberry was plainly in view.
Lee stared at Kara for what what must've been five minutes. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Kara groped sassily in Lee's direction, clearly desperate. Lee grabbed the strawberry and bolted for the door. It was locked. Kara let out a exotic chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Lee,' she rebuked. Kara always had been a little annoying, so Lee knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Kara did something crazy, like... start chucking bananas at her or something. Just as zero people expected he gripped his strawberry tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Kara looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Lee. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame seven days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Lee. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Kara walked over to the window and looked down. Lee was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Lee was struggling to make his way through the secret vineyard behind Kara's place. Lee had severely hurt his scalp during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral daggits suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the strawberry. One by one they latched on to Lee. Already weakened from his injury, Lee yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of daggits running off with his strawberry.
About two hours later, Lee awoke, his fingernail throbbing. It was dark and Lee did not know where he was. Deep in the mysterious fantastic pumpkin patch, Lee was ridiculously lost. Just as zero people expected he remembered that his strawberry was taken by the daggits. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a teensy daggit emerged from the bush. It was the alpha daggit. Lee opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the daggit sunk its teeth into Lee's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Lee's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than six miles away, Kara was entombed by anguish over the loss of the strawberry. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened wolverine. With a quick thrust, she buried it deeply into her prostate. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Lee... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the strawberry that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sapling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant daggits, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
LOLz!!!
*** L337 Story Generator v1.0
*** Written by Derek Clark. Copyright © www.the-elite.net ~ 2004-2005
*** Forever pwning with earnest.
http://www.the-elite.net/---/story/