Oh, thank you for this, Pythia. It's a lovely analysis of Lee's character and contradictions - the pride and the insecurity, the contrarian independence and yet the underlying hunger to be loved for who he is. As for why he joined the reserves in the first place, we'll really never know, I suppose. The only answer we get in canon is "to pay for college," which doesn't really tell us much about what it meant for Lee in terms of his identity (he seems to be denying that it had anything to do with "following in [Bill's] footsteps," that's for sure, even though that's what his joining the military looks like on the surface, and I personally think he wanted Bill's attention, however loathe he was to admit that). I have less of a problem than you do with the idea that Lee, at the age of seventeen or so, hadn't figured out what he wanted to do with his life and - despite his anger and resentment and incohate questioning - went ahead with what had always been planned for him rather than striking out on his own. Lots of teenagers do this, especially teenagers with more questions than answers about what they want in life.
I think Lee found that the career he'd chosen was a successful one, and he was proud of his accomplishments in it, but beneath that there was a deep sense that he was not truly fulfilling himself or really defining himself on his own terms. He talked about exploring other aspects of his personality and interests, thought seriously about leaving the service once his time was up, and he might well have done so if the end of the world hadn't intervened.
I'm not sure what it would mean to suggest that Lee was a "victim" - I think you're definitely right that he views Zak as more of a victim than himself, and winds up absolving Zak of all responsibility for his own choices and focusing all his anger on Bill for having motivated Zak to undertake tasks for which he was dangerously unqualified.
But I also think that Lee, too, was hurt by his mother's alcoholism and his father's neglect and the fact that he felt he could not depend on either of them from a young age. I think that influenced the formation of his character (I've always thought that when Lee tells Kara he was afraid of admitting how much he needed her or anyone, that it was one of the most honest and self-aware things he ever said. It's very hard for him to allow himself to seriously depend on other people for happiness or love or approval - it's safer to be self-reliant and to define himself by ideals or by setting himself against things, so that other people's disapproval of him or conflicts with him become badges of honor and pride). I think he grew up with the idea that his father's approval was conditional, and very much tied to the military life ("if you're not with him in that tiny little bubble, then you might as well not exist"). I don't know why exactly he decided to enter that bubble -- maybe he wanted to beat his father at his own game, maybe he wanted to be noticed, maybe he just didn't have any strong alternative ideas, maybe he wanted to fly, or maybe he was so mad at both his parents that he decided not to ask them for money for college and instead enrolled in ROTC so that he could earn his education without being beholden to them. Any or all of these could be plausible. But whatever his motivations were, I think they were complicated and wrapped up in his family's dynamics and probably were not fully understood or acknowledged in his own mind.
Jamie Bamber, and I think Ron Moore, have said many times that Lee is on a search for identity in many ways throughout the series, trying to figure out who he is and who he wants to be. It would be odd if that search only started *after* the worlds ended. I tend to imagine that he was uncertain about himself and about the military, and joined without really knowing what he was looking for, and of course found in it both a source of pride and also a sense of being stifled.
I think Lee found that the career he'd chosen was a successful one, and he was proud of his accomplishments in it, but beneath that there was a deep sense that he was not truly fulfilling himself or really defining himself on his own terms. He talked about exploring other aspects of his personality and interests, thought seriously about leaving the service once his time was up, and he might well have done so if the end of the world hadn't intervened.
I'm not sure what it would mean to suggest that Lee was a "victim" - I think you're definitely right that he views Zak as more of a victim than himself, and winds up absolving Zak of all responsibility for his own choices and focusing all his anger on Bill for having motivated Zak to undertake tasks for which he was dangerously unqualified.
But I also think that Lee, too, was hurt by his mother's alcoholism and his father's neglect and the fact that he felt he could not depend on either of them from a young age. I think that influenced the formation of his character (I've always thought that when Lee tells Kara he was afraid of admitting how much he needed her or anyone, that it was one of the most honest and self-aware things he ever said. It's very hard for him to allow himself to seriously depend on other people for happiness or love or approval - it's safer to be self-reliant and to define himself by ideals or by setting himself against things, so that other people's disapproval of him or conflicts with him become badges of honor and pride). I think he grew up with the idea that his father's approval was conditional, and very much tied to the military life ("if you're not with him in that tiny little bubble, then you might as well not exist"). I don't know why exactly he decided to enter that bubble -- maybe he wanted to beat his father at his own game, maybe he wanted to be noticed, maybe he just didn't have any strong alternative ideas, maybe he wanted to fly, or maybe he was so mad at both his parents that he decided not to ask them for money for college and instead enrolled in ROTC so that he could earn his education without being beholden to them. Any or all of these could be plausible. But whatever his motivations were, I think they were complicated and wrapped up in his family's dynamics and probably were not fully understood or acknowledged in his own mind.
Jamie Bamber, and I think Ron Moore, have said many times that Lee is on a search for identity in many ways throughout the series, trying to figure out who he is and who he wants to be. It would be odd if that search only started *after* the worlds ended. I tend to imagine that he was uncertain about himself and about the military, and joined without really knowing what he was looking for, and of course found in it both a source of pride and also a sense of being stifled.
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