dont worry im not going to kill myself

[lee_lee04]

It’s like a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach, like you want to throw up. It’s a feeling you get that makes you want to throw something through the window because you are frustrated or its like this felling you get that if you didn’t live in a brick building you would put your fist through the wall not because you are mad at anyone or any thing its just because you feel like you are numb from all the pain that you have been through that nothing could make it worse and that inflecting more pain on you and damage on something is going to make you feel better somehow. You know I questioned why people would cut them selves but to tell you the truth right now I could see why they do it. It gets your mind off the pain that is going on in your head it makes you think of the physical pain witch sometimes is better than the mental pain (I am just guessing don’t worry). Pain that can only be dissolved by downing a bottle of painkillers chased by a handle of vodka. (I am starting to sound like a weakerthans song) while listening to Dashboard yeah that would be a good selection or maybe just songs that constantly reminds you of the pain because there are hundreds of those. You could even make a play list of these songs on your handy dandy widows media player because you know you have every song that could make you want to kill your self. Maybe name it songs to die to. Nothing can extinguish the pain that goes through your blood ever night. Why night? Why not during the day you know when you have places to go and things to do. Why does it have to happen when you are in bed all alone with no one and all you can do is stay up until four o’clock every night because you are crying to hard and every thing that you forgot to think about during the day rushes up and cases you an anxiety attack because you don’t know what your doing with your life or because that certain someone no longer wants to be a part of your life or because your parents are making you move to a place that could be considered the face of the sun or as some like to refer to it as hell.

There is a void that no one knows how to fill and it is killing me very slowly……