This Is My Day
crossposted from Lee Edward McIlmoyle's blog
Good Morning, Mackrophiles,
The title may be a bit misleading, as I’m only hoping it will be my day. so far, we’re off to a bad start. I’m running a Housecall scan on my system because the system scan I tried running last night locked up, and my storage drive keeps dropping out. I’m not a happy man.
To top this off, after a visit to my mother’s on the weekend, Dawn (my agent/wife, for those keeping track of these things) became quite upset about the callous way the family (me included, it seems) disregards my brother Troy when he wants to talk. In our defence, Troy does have an annoying habit of marching into the middle of a conversation and interrupting to start talking about sports or church or something no one else wishes to discuss. In his defence, no one really engages him in conversation about much of anything on a regular basis, so his ‘habit’ is borne mostly of a frustrated need to communicate.
The whole thing came to a head when Dawn learned that my sister, as good as her word, is withholding a new iPod that my brother needs, because her boyfriend wants it instead, even though he already has an iPhone and the use of her iBook whenever he wishes. He doesn’t really ‘need’ an iPod, is what I’m saying. Troy actually has a use for one, though Mom and particularly Jolene might not agree 100%. Dawn and I had to set up Mom’s old computer for Troy, but he’s too frightened to use it when I’m not around to coach him, and is clearly afraid to ask Mom or Jolene for advice. Ultimately, introducing Troy to modern technology has been Dawn’s primary goal, because he really has nothing good to do with his time except watch news and religious programming.
The last straw for me was when Dawn came to me and told me she wanted to give Troy her brand new iPod, to more or less shame the family into realizing what they were doing to the guy. I argued with her about her plan, insisting there has to be a better plan than her giving up one of the very few useful things I’ve been able to give her in the last few years just to make a point, and though in the end I decided to agree with her, by that time, the damage was done, and Dawn had sunk into a depression that has lasted two days. I’m only hoping she’ll be in a better mood today.
I don’t really relish the idea of starting a feud with my family over the emancipation of Troy, and I definitely don’t want Dawn giving up a device she has grown quite attached to in an amazingly short period of time, particularly because I can’t afford to replace it any time soon, unless a graphics gig comes along, and preferably one where I’m working for a stranger I can justify charging a significant sum with, so I can solve Troy’s computer problem, his iPod problem, AND perhaps my hard drive problem, not to mention my bills, which are towering over me like a pair of hired henchmen, waiting to pummel me. All told, I need about $3500 just to solve my immediate problems, another 12K to settle my lingering credit debt, and another 2-3K to pay off my income tax debt, which will go higher if and when they learn that I had come into the money to pay all of this off, so call it another $3.5K.
The dolalr value I set for the PledgeMusic project that has NOT come to fruition is a whopping $15K. I know, not terribly realistic, but I was hoping that I’d be able to network enough to get the funding needed, which would almost get me debt free (this was a couple of weeks ago, before the latest bills arrived), and thus undo all fo the damage that the last six or seven years have done to me. Too much to ask, because I just don’t have the network to support that kind of fundraising, they tell me.
I need a possé. Preferably, a possé like the one the Vlog Brothers, or Neil Gaiman, or Wil Wheaton have. Sadly, I don’t even know those guys, and they certainly don’t know me, and I’m not raising money for charity (although I DO have a charity picked out for if and when I have money to give; there’s this great Bipolar Disorder foundation over in the UK that does international awareness work, called Equilibrium. I’d love to do some work for them), and I’m not doing some amazing piece of work that has never been done before by human hands (well, the interactive graphic novel project might qualify, but I’m not working on that at the moment, because I’m recording an album just now, while the inspiration to make music is still with me), so I’ve got no way of impressing any of them with my needs even if I did know them.
I know you guys and gals out there are too few and too busy to help with this. I don’t expect a solution to miraculously arrive. Not any more. Things are going to go wrong. The album may or may not get recorded (I can’t very well keep recording if the hydro gets shut off). My fiction isn’t selling. No one is pre-ordering the album, or buying the demo album or the acoustic singles. No one is buying the tee shirts.
In short, I’m screwed. I accept that now. And when the internet and the hydro get cut, this blog will come to an end, and when we lose our host, the site will disappear, and that will be the end. I have no idea if that means anything to anybody but me and a small handful of real life friends I know care, though they’re in no position to help either.
To end this on an Up note, I thought I’d post the image I spent the better part of yesterday afternoon working on:
Thanks for being here, gang. I may not have gotten to know any of you, but it was fun guessing who you were. I’ll try to keep the blog up as much as I can for as long as they’ll let me. No promises. I’m starting to slide into a bit of a depression myself, which means I’m not going to have much to talk about, and little urge to do so in any case.
As always, thank you for reading.
Lee Edward McIlmoyle.
ETA: I should state for the record that, though Dawn was upset about the iPod and about Troy’s predicament in general, it has to be said that the comments Dawn made yesterday on Facebook were NOT about this but about the disagreement she and I had. She was basically blaming herself, and made a post that my family mistook for a slam against one of them. It was not directed at anyone other than herself. She felt bad about a lot of stuff, and it just came out as a Facebook comment where she basically called herself alot of names. Dawn and I are working through that now. However, that has nothing to do with the contents of this post, and therefore, whatever bad feelings that comment of hers may have given my family, they should know that she loves them, and does not think of them in the way she mentioned.
I’ll be in touch soon.
Good Morning, Mackrophiles,
The title may be a bit misleading, as I’m only hoping it will be my day. so far, we’re off to a bad start. I’m running a Housecall scan on my system because the system scan I tried running last night locked up, and my storage drive keeps dropping out. I’m not a happy man.
To top this off, after a visit to my mother’s on the weekend, Dawn (my agent/wife, for those keeping track of these things) became quite upset about the callous way the family (me included, it seems) disregards my brother Troy when he wants to talk. In our defence, Troy does have an annoying habit of marching into the middle of a conversation and interrupting to start talking about sports or church or something no one else wishes to discuss. In his defence, no one really engages him in conversation about much of anything on a regular basis, so his ‘habit’ is borne mostly of a frustrated need to communicate.
The whole thing came to a head when Dawn learned that my sister, as good as her word, is withholding a new iPod that my brother needs, because her boyfriend wants it instead, even though he already has an iPhone and the use of her iBook whenever he wishes. He doesn’t really ‘need’ an iPod, is what I’m saying. Troy actually has a use for one, though Mom and particularly Jolene might not agree 100%. Dawn and I had to set up Mom’s old computer for Troy, but he’s too frightened to use it when I’m not around to coach him, and is clearly afraid to ask Mom or Jolene for advice. Ultimately, introducing Troy to modern technology has been Dawn’s primary goal, because he really has nothing good to do with his time except watch news and religious programming.
The last straw for me was when Dawn came to me and told me she wanted to give Troy her brand new iPod, to more or less shame the family into realizing what they were doing to the guy. I argued with her about her plan, insisting there has to be a better plan than her giving up one of the very few useful things I’ve been able to give her in the last few years just to make a point, and though in the end I decided to agree with her, by that time, the damage was done, and Dawn had sunk into a depression that has lasted two days. I’m only hoping she’ll be in a better mood today.
I don’t really relish the idea of starting a feud with my family over the emancipation of Troy, and I definitely don’t want Dawn giving up a device she has grown quite attached to in an amazingly short period of time, particularly because I can’t afford to replace it any time soon, unless a graphics gig comes along, and preferably one where I’m working for a stranger I can justify charging a significant sum with, so I can solve Troy’s computer problem, his iPod problem, AND perhaps my hard drive problem, not to mention my bills, which are towering over me like a pair of hired henchmen, waiting to pummel me. All told, I need about $3500 just to solve my immediate problems, another 12K to settle my lingering credit debt, and another 2-3K to pay off my income tax debt, which will go higher if and when they learn that I had come into the money to pay all of this off, so call it another $3.5K.
The dolalr value I set for the PledgeMusic project that has NOT come to fruition is a whopping $15K. I know, not terribly realistic, but I was hoping that I’d be able to network enough to get the funding needed, which would almost get me debt free (this was a couple of weeks ago, before the latest bills arrived), and thus undo all fo the damage that the last six or seven years have done to me. Too much to ask, because I just don’t have the network to support that kind of fundraising, they tell me.
I need a possé. Preferably, a possé like the one the Vlog Brothers, or Neil Gaiman, or Wil Wheaton have. Sadly, I don’t even know those guys, and they certainly don’t know me, and I’m not raising money for charity (although I DO have a charity picked out for if and when I have money to give; there’s this great Bipolar Disorder foundation over in the UK that does international awareness work, called Equilibrium. I’d love to do some work for them), and I’m not doing some amazing piece of work that has never been done before by human hands (well, the interactive graphic novel project might qualify, but I’m not working on that at the moment, because I’m recording an album just now, while the inspiration to make music is still with me), so I’ve got no way of impressing any of them with my needs even if I did know them.
I know you guys and gals out there are too few and too busy to help with this. I don’t expect a solution to miraculously arrive. Not any more. Things are going to go wrong. The album may or may not get recorded (I can’t very well keep recording if the hydro gets shut off). My fiction isn’t selling. No one is pre-ordering the album, or buying the demo album or the acoustic singles. No one is buying the tee shirts.
In short, I’m screwed. I accept that now. And when the internet and the hydro get cut, this blog will come to an end, and when we lose our host, the site will disappear, and that will be the end. I have no idea if that means anything to anybody but me and a small handful of real life friends I know care, though they’re in no position to help either.
To end this on an Up note, I thought I’d post the image I spent the better part of yesterday afternoon working on:
Thanks for being here, gang. I may not have gotten to know any of you, but it was fun guessing who you were. I’ll try to keep the blog up as much as I can for as long as they’ll let me. No promises. I’m starting to slide into a bit of a depression myself, which means I’m not going to have much to talk about, and little urge to do so in any case.
As always, thank you for reading.
Lee Edward McIlmoyle.
ETA: I should state for the record that, though Dawn was upset about the iPod and about Troy’s predicament in general, it has to be said that the comments Dawn made yesterday on Facebook were NOT about this but about the disagreement she and I had. She was basically blaming herself, and made a post that my family mistook for a slam against one of them. It was not directed at anyone other than herself. She felt bad about a lot of stuff, and it just came out as a Facebook comment where she basically called herself alot of names. Dawn and I are working through that now. However, that has nothing to do with the contents of this post, and therefore, whatever bad feelings that comment of hers may have given my family, they should know that she loves them, and does not think of them in the way she mentioned.
I’ll be in touch soon.