(no subject)

[lee_eun_hee]

So completely fucking useless, I am a worthless crap of nothing- I don't understand why I had to fuck my life over this badly, and I'm a steady minded person.
I know when I didn't try, I know when I --

I ...
I don't understand why student advisors can't just tell me the truth about what I have the legal ability to do or not.

If I can't get back into a faculty, why raise my hopes, why say I can?
They gave me the standards, that I had to get to go back into my DAMN FACULTY, AND THEN it says I can't get back in.

That rejection letter hurt like a fucking bitch.
I want to cry.
I did everything they told me to, and still I can't get back in.

I tried so hard for those grades,
I can't redo what I did in my first 3 years, where I fucked up.
I can't change that, but I tried to change my future and..

It got me no where.
I tried so hard, and it only gave me false hope, and I'm trying to remain optimistic but..

I tried so hard to be optimistic for the past 9 months that it fucking feels useless.

I just feel ashamed for my parents as well, as they've supported me so much throughout all my fuckery, and now I'm just here disappointing the shit out of them while all my friends graduate.

I really, really hate myself right now. I don't know what I can do.
I just.. I'm so depressed right now, there's nothing I can do.

Nobody to talk to.
I'm just crying the night before an important day of school.
But what's the point when I can't get back into my faculty.
What's the point?

I'm such a fuck up.
I don't even want consolation because I know it won't get me anywhere.

I don't have friends to confide in this, and writing by hand into my diary is way too hard right now.

I can't even kill myself.
What else is there more to say........