(no subject)
Surgery in five days... I am wicked excited but starting to get nervous at the same time. But this weekend should be awesome. Friday Lindsey and all them are taking me out, maybe to a party :) or whatever else they decide. Saturday the family is going out to dinner then it is off to one last outing before my surgery with the friends. That should be fun. Then Sunday I am just going to relax and sleep.
I hate the way he can just come in and out of my life and each time I drop everything for just the chance to be with him. It makes me feel like such an idiot... I do not know why I do it. I just want to tell him how I feel, but it is so hard to talk to him like that. I want to tell him how I regret how our relationship was before and how we weren't really mature about it. I just want to tell him maybe we should try one more time... I do not know why I still have feelings for him in the back of my mind. Maybe something could still be there. But I hate how he just comes and goes as he pleases, for awhile everything would be great between us, and then suddenly it is like we do not even talk anymore. Maybe that is why I tend to try to distant myself from him, cause I know he can and probably end up hurting me. I am sick of feeling and acting like this. I just wish we could have handled things differently in the first place. I do not think I will every understand why I feel this way about him...
I hate the way he can just come in and out of my life and each time I drop everything for just the chance to be with him. It makes me feel like such an idiot... I do not know why I do it. I just want to tell him how I feel, but it is so hard to talk to him like that. I want to tell him how I regret how our relationship was before and how we weren't really mature about it. I just want to tell him maybe we should try one more time... I do not know why I still have feelings for him in the back of my mind. Maybe something could still be there. But I hate how he just comes and goes as he pleases, for awhile everything would be great between us, and then suddenly it is like we do not even talk anymore. Maybe that is why I tend to try to distant myself from him, cause I know he can and probably end up hurting me. I am sick of feeling and acting like this. I just wish we could have handled things differently in the first place. I do not think I will every understand why I feel this way about him...