(no subject)
Being I have free time at work, I guess it doesn't hurt to update this thing again. I think I officially broke a record or something. It's quite rare seeing me write here as frequently as I have lol.
I went out with Katrina and Jackie after work last evening. I wasn't sure how the evening was going to pan out, nor know how the vibe was going to be. I touched on this with the girls as we were talking over a drink. I feel that there is a slight disconnect among our friends at home. Don't get me wrong, we all get along well when we see one another, but things don't feel the way as they used to. We're not as close as we all used to be, and I often times feel when we try to be open about certain things, some people can get a little judgmental or not look at things in the context of the whole picture. They nit-pick without fully understanding the depth of the situation, if you will. For instance, my relationship with Tynan was, and has been under such scrutiny among certain friends from home. They don't understand that he and I are best friends. Yes, two of my friends from home got a very bad first impression of him, but that doesn't give them the right to pass judgment on my friendship with him. I know they are looking out for me emotionally because I do have feelings for him, but that doesn't give them the right to claim that he uses me and what not. Yes, I do a lot for him, but that doesn't mean that my efforts do not go unnoticed.
I try to refrain from talking about him as much as possible when at home because I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. I know if I say something, it may instigate a conversation I don't want to get involved in.
Such discussions about him are not the only things that trouble me while at home. Jenn confronted me the other day, claiming that I seem "bored" when I'm out with her and our other friends. I don't think it's fair to make such a claim, but I'll admit that I sometimes feel like we don't have much in common anymore, and it's hard to make conversation. I asked her if she gets offended when I invite my local Fordham friends out, and she said that she likes them, but they can be a part of the problem (in the sense that I pay more attention to them, rather than she and our other friends). That made me feel really bad because I never meant for that to happen. My rational was, "Hey, we're on break, and it would be nice to introduce my friends from home to my friends from Fordham. Heck, they're in the area, and I don't think they're busy doing anything. Might as well invite them, too!" I don't know why I'm necessarily being put on the chopping block for this cause I'm not the only one who has invited friends from their designated schools to meet the home team, if you will. It's such a shame that they feel I don't give them adequate "Bern time."
I suppose this situation is something I need to contemplate, because I was also told that it seems like I make phone calls a lot when I'm in their company. I'll be honest, though. I don't feel like I do that a lot, but it's one more thing I was called out on. I hate to say this, but I feel like I'm being attacked, but I know I shouldn't feel that way. I know they're only voicing their concerns, but is it a crime for being a social butterfly? I guess I do invite other people because my idea of a good time doesn't consist of hearing my friends make petty comments about what some girl is wearing, or how some guy needs to change his outfit. When I go out, I want to go out to have a good time, make good conversation, and create laughter. I don't want to listen to banter about how the girls in the corner are dressed like sluts, and that if that guy in that corner doesn't talk to me, he's an ass.
Taking my friends from school out of this equation, I feel the problem is a little bit deeper than what's really on the surface. Being we've all gone our own separate ways, we haven't had the opportunity to be as close as we used to be. The time and distance that kept us apart has weakened some of our relationships, but I also think it's also allowed us to grow, in a sense. I'm going to be quite frank here. Up until college, I feel like I have been stuck in the shadow of one of my friends. We were best friends since childhood, but once we went our separate ways, I finally felt like I was my own person. I could do what I want, make my own decisions...I finally felt independent. I was finally able to make my own friends, something I hadn't done in years. I often times felt that I made friends with her friends because she was much more involved and outgoing, and it was easier for me to meet people that way. Being out there on my own opened my eyes to new experiences and new people. In making such friendships, I've realized that I've connected with a few other people who actually understand me much better than she does. I'll confide in them more openly and freely before I bring certain news to her. However, I don't know if she truly believes that we're still the best of buds that we were in high school.
One more thing I want to touch on. I don't necessarily appreciate it when people I was never that close to think they can pass judgment on me, claiming that they really know what's going on. If I never confided in you in high school, what makes you think we're that tight in college? Yes, people's relationships can change in time. Trust me, I've had it happen with a few girls from high school who I tend to talk to/see more often now than I did then. But if we barely spoke then, and we only speak the two times that we see each other throughout the year, I think you should keep your thoughts and opinions to yourself.
I never meant for this entry to turn into this massive venting session, but it's something that has been on my mind for some time now. I really think that people are in denial about their relationships with others, and they can't admit it to themselves. People change, they grow up. The things that mattered to us in the past don't necessarily hold true anymore. Oh, and by no means do I dislike anyone; please, don't get that impression. I just feel that people need to recognize that certain friendships have changed, and living in the past isn't a wise thing to do. Yes, we can reflect on the past, and talk about the past, but don't assume that all of the friendships from back in the day necessarily remain the same.
I went out with Katrina and Jackie after work last evening. I wasn't sure how the evening was going to pan out, nor know how the vibe was going to be. I touched on this with the girls as we were talking over a drink. I feel that there is a slight disconnect among our friends at home. Don't get me wrong, we all get along well when we see one another, but things don't feel the way as they used to. We're not as close as we all used to be, and I often times feel when we try to be open about certain things, some people can get a little judgmental or not look at things in the context of the whole picture. They nit-pick without fully understanding the depth of the situation, if you will. For instance, my relationship with Tynan was, and has been under such scrutiny among certain friends from home. They don't understand that he and I are best friends. Yes, two of my friends from home got a very bad first impression of him, but that doesn't give them the right to pass judgment on my friendship with him. I know they are looking out for me emotionally because I do have feelings for him, but that doesn't give them the right to claim that he uses me and what not. Yes, I do a lot for him, but that doesn't mean that my efforts do not go unnoticed.
I try to refrain from talking about him as much as possible when at home because I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. I know if I say something, it may instigate a conversation I don't want to get involved in.
Such discussions about him are not the only things that trouble me while at home. Jenn confronted me the other day, claiming that I seem "bored" when I'm out with her and our other friends. I don't think it's fair to make such a claim, but I'll admit that I sometimes feel like we don't have much in common anymore, and it's hard to make conversation. I asked her if she gets offended when I invite my local Fordham friends out, and she said that she likes them, but they can be a part of the problem (in the sense that I pay more attention to them, rather than she and our other friends). That made me feel really bad because I never meant for that to happen. My rational was, "Hey, we're on break, and it would be nice to introduce my friends from home to my friends from Fordham. Heck, they're in the area, and I don't think they're busy doing anything. Might as well invite them, too!" I don't know why I'm necessarily being put on the chopping block for this cause I'm not the only one who has invited friends from their designated schools to meet the home team, if you will. It's such a shame that they feel I don't give them adequate "Bern time."
I suppose this situation is something I need to contemplate, because I was also told that it seems like I make phone calls a lot when I'm in their company. I'll be honest, though. I don't feel like I do that a lot, but it's one more thing I was called out on. I hate to say this, but I feel like I'm being attacked, but I know I shouldn't feel that way. I know they're only voicing their concerns, but is it a crime for being a social butterfly? I guess I do invite other people because my idea of a good time doesn't consist of hearing my friends make petty comments about what some girl is wearing, or how some guy needs to change his outfit. When I go out, I want to go out to have a good time, make good conversation, and create laughter. I don't want to listen to banter about how the girls in the corner are dressed like sluts, and that if that guy in that corner doesn't talk to me, he's an ass.
Taking my friends from school out of this equation, I feel the problem is a little bit deeper than what's really on the surface. Being we've all gone our own separate ways, we haven't had the opportunity to be as close as we used to be. The time and distance that kept us apart has weakened some of our relationships, but I also think it's also allowed us to grow, in a sense. I'm going to be quite frank here. Up until college, I feel like I have been stuck in the shadow of one of my friends. We were best friends since childhood, but once we went our separate ways, I finally felt like I was my own person. I could do what I want, make my own decisions...I finally felt independent. I was finally able to make my own friends, something I hadn't done in years. I often times felt that I made friends with her friends because she was much more involved and outgoing, and it was easier for me to meet people that way. Being out there on my own opened my eyes to new experiences and new people. In making such friendships, I've realized that I've connected with a few other people who actually understand me much better than she does. I'll confide in them more openly and freely before I bring certain news to her. However, I don't know if she truly believes that we're still the best of buds that we were in high school.
One more thing I want to touch on. I don't necessarily appreciate it when people I was never that close to think they can pass judgment on me, claiming that they really know what's going on. If I never confided in you in high school, what makes you think we're that tight in college? Yes, people's relationships can change in time. Trust me, I've had it happen with a few girls from high school who I tend to talk to/see more often now than I did then. But if we barely spoke then, and we only speak the two times that we see each other throughout the year, I think you should keep your thoughts and opinions to yourself.
I never meant for this entry to turn into this massive venting session, but it's something that has been on my mind for some time now. I really think that people are in denial about their relationships with others, and they can't admit it to themselves. People change, they grow up. The things that mattered to us in the past don't necessarily hold true anymore. Oh, and by no means do I dislike anyone; please, don't get that impression. I just feel that people need to recognize that certain friendships have changed, and living in the past isn't a wise thing to do. Yes, we can reflect on the past, and talk about the past, but don't assume that all of the friendships from back in the day necessarily remain the same.