(no subject)
I truly feel that my family is falling apart. Ever since we found out we're losing the house, there has been so much tension, you can cut it with a knife. I try to keep a positive attitude, but it's hard dealing with my mother and her mood swings. My grandma doesn't make it any easier because she's constantly bitching at everyone, and makes you feel like a piece of shit (despite your best efforts to continue your every day routine). My brother only fends for himself, and does what he wants when he wants. I guess having a car allows you to do things like that. However, he needs to learn to be more respectful to my mother and grandmother because he's not making any of this easier for them. I think he has anger issues, too, because you can ask him a simple question, and he'll flip a shit. He especially does this with my grandma. Though she can get on your case a lot, I don't think raising your voice at her makes matters any better.
Due to our financial struggles, everyone is feeling rather downcast. I wish I can give more to my family, but I simply can't. As you know, I have an unpaid internship, and I only work one day at IGA. I can barely get by. I have to be sure I have enough for my credit card and phone bill every month, and I was recently hit with a large and unexpected bill which really put a damper on my mood. Yeah, I like to have spending money in my pocket so that I can go out and enjoy myself with my friends on the weekend. Though, that can be a bit stressful, too, because my friends and I love hanging out in the City. Everything is so much more expensive, and the cost of transportation can add up, as well. I am fortunate to have a few friends who are willing to treat me every once and awhile, but I feel bad knowing that I can't return the favor. For instance, I went to a Mets game last night, and my friend Phil paid for my ticket (not because he knows about my financial situation, but did so simply out of the kindness of his heart). I wanted to do something nice for him in return, so I offered to buy him a beer, but he settled for a soda. He spent $25 on me, and I simply spent $5.75 on him. I wish I could've done more, and I should've offered to buy him a hot dog when he said he was hungry. Ugh...I hate having to worry about every penny I spend, and living pay check to pay check. Yes, it's common for college kids to go about their lives in this fashion. But most of them at least have the comfort knowing that mommy and daddy can help support them if they are in need. I don't have that comfort...My mother and grandmother come to us when they need financial help. Hell, they can't even afford to buy a decent food order. I feel so bad that my mother has to go through this. I wish that I can lift this burden off of her shoulders because she has enough to worry about.
I may continue writing this later because my brother needs to borrow my computer. More to come...
Due to our financial struggles, everyone is feeling rather downcast. I wish I can give more to my family, but I simply can't. As you know, I have an unpaid internship, and I only work one day at IGA. I can barely get by. I have to be sure I have enough for my credit card and phone bill every month, and I was recently hit with a large and unexpected bill which really put a damper on my mood. Yeah, I like to have spending money in my pocket so that I can go out and enjoy myself with my friends on the weekend. Though, that can be a bit stressful, too, because my friends and I love hanging out in the City. Everything is so much more expensive, and the cost of transportation can add up, as well. I am fortunate to have a few friends who are willing to treat me every once and awhile, but I feel bad knowing that I can't return the favor. For instance, I went to a Mets game last night, and my friend Phil paid for my ticket (not because he knows about my financial situation, but did so simply out of the kindness of his heart). I wanted to do something nice for him in return, so I offered to buy him a beer, but he settled for a soda. He spent $25 on me, and I simply spent $5.75 on him. I wish I could've done more, and I should've offered to buy him a hot dog when he said he was hungry. Ugh...I hate having to worry about every penny I spend, and living pay check to pay check. Yes, it's common for college kids to go about their lives in this fashion. But most of them at least have the comfort knowing that mommy and daddy can help support them if they are in need. I don't have that comfort...My mother and grandmother come to us when they need financial help. Hell, they can't even afford to buy a decent food order. I feel so bad that my mother has to go through this. I wish that I can lift this burden off of her shoulders because she has enough to worry about.
I may continue writing this later because my brother needs to borrow my computer. More to come...