work in progress
the last two weeks have been busy. busy and emotionally draining. that's the best way I can put it. work's been keeping me busy, evening shifts. not the best but it's just what I needed to keep me from going nuts sitting at home in front of the puter waiting for something to happen. as for the emotionally draining part well, I don't wanna go into details but I kind of got into a fight (more like a misunderstanding) with my mom a couple of days ago. you'd think after more than a month, she would start to get the concept that her son isn't gonna bring a girl home, ever, but hey that's my mom for you. my brother had to stick up for me, he got pissed off when he came home that night and saw how much of a mess I was. I lost it in front of him, I think it caught him off guard. I'm always pretty much on top of things, especially on the matter of me, I deal with things on my own and don't let any shit affect me too much since I'm pretty much comfortable with myself but I just lost it that night. my mom's behavior and comments just disapointed me so much. he talked some sense into her I guess 'cause she apologised to me the next day saying she now understands and that she won't be bugging me with that from now on, that it's my life and I can do whatever I want. my dad on the other hand... let's just say there's a reason why he won't mention anything. I thought that's 'cause he was ok in a way with the whole thing but it turns out he can't accept that one of his son is a fag. doesn't mean he doesn't love me anymore or anything, but he just won't mention it. firm believer that if you don't talk about it the "problem" doesn't exists. whatever, I couldn't care less right now. but it's the last thing I needed.
it's been a rough couple of days, especially with Maxime on my mind 24/7 (literally). I have seen him again since my last post. went to play pool last week, 'cause you know, drinking beer and playing pool is not just for heteros. it was actually pretty cool but I don't know, when I left him the next morning I had this weird feeling. I think we're in that friend zone now. it sure feels like it. we hang out, we have a good time, we see each other when we see each other and that's pretty much it. pains me a bit since obviously I would like a bit more but I guess you can't change people. he's independant, my guess is he's always been and will always be. doesn't mean he doesn't care about the people around him, but it's just that I don't know, it's hard to explain.
it's been more than a week now, since the last time I saw him. shitty work schedule for both of us. he wanted to go out yesterday (tuesday night) but I couldn't since I worked. he had last saturday off (so did I) but he had to help his friend move out. we both had today off but he offered himself to help that same friend paint his new place so... I know he wants to see me, he knows I want to see him, but i'm trying hard not to initiate things and try to make plans. it sucks to be that guy all the time, it always makes me feel like a desperate moron. but it's hard with him, as he pretty much takes it a day at a time and I, on the other hand, am a complete neurotic freak already thinking about what the fuck am I gonna do with my saturday night so... eugh, I just hope I get to see him this weekend. I just hope I won't be the one asking to see him this weekend... I'm gonna work on it. I'm working on it. it's a work in progress.
it's been a rough couple of days, especially with Maxime on my mind 24/7 (literally). I have seen him again since my last post. went to play pool last week, 'cause you know, drinking beer and playing pool is not just for heteros. it was actually pretty cool but I don't know, when I left him the next morning I had this weird feeling. I think we're in that friend zone now. it sure feels like it. we hang out, we have a good time, we see each other when we see each other and that's pretty much it. pains me a bit since obviously I would like a bit more but I guess you can't change people. he's independant, my guess is he's always been and will always be. doesn't mean he doesn't care about the people around him, but it's just that I don't know, it's hard to explain.
it's been more than a week now, since the last time I saw him. shitty work schedule for both of us. he wanted to go out yesterday (tuesday night) but I couldn't since I worked. he had last saturday off (so did I) but he had to help his friend move out. we both had today off but he offered himself to help that same friend paint his new place so... I know he wants to see me, he knows I want to see him, but i'm trying hard not to initiate things and try to make plans. it sucks to be that guy all the time, it always makes me feel like a desperate moron. but it's hard with him, as he pretty much takes it a day at a time and I, on the other hand, am a complete neurotic freak already thinking about what the fuck am I gonna do with my saturday night so... eugh, I just hope I get to see him this weekend. I just hope I won't be the one asking to see him this weekend... I'm gonna work on it. I'm working on it. it's a work in progress.