i've got nothing
I wish I knew what to do.. I wish I knew where I am.. I wish I had something to say.
I'm running out of things to say to people even though I'd love to return everything I get and more. It's driving you all away. Silence and shallowness is all I can seem to present nowadays. I have nothing but the most inane or common yet somehow conversation-striking topics so I could be able to at least try and get something going on my end. I feel really useless. My utter interest appears as apathy because I can't seem to give the right responses anymore. It's getting worse.
The people I value don't get anything from me anymore. I appear probably socially exclusive and uninterested most of the time when my responses are flat. I too am rather disgusted at myself. I can't even fully give what others deserve because of my own shortcomings.
The new people I meet... Well... They can't be disappointed because they'll have that initial impression of me right at the moment we meet and assume it'll always be like that.
I'm having such difficulty expressing these days. It hurts to give the wrong impression and it hurts not to be able to explain what you truly feel. It's sad because it's something I can't bring up. Another thing is that recently it's either I'm trying to hard or I'm not trying at all; I wonder why I'm even trying in the first place. It never was a question of trying, it was more of being.
With all this comes a new and profound sense of emptiness. Why don't I have anything to say when I want to say so much? Everyday I go online but I hide behind a busy status that may or may not even have reason. After all this I feel like I've been stripped of what I've tried to cloak myself with lately and revealed that I am just a being with the intention of everything but in reality has nothing to give. Just flat. dreary. void. I don't even know if it's still me.
Please help me salvage what I have left...
~eri
I'm running out of things to say to people even though I'd love to return everything I get and more. It's driving you all away. Silence and shallowness is all I can seem to present nowadays. I have nothing but the most inane or common yet somehow conversation-striking topics so I could be able to at least try and get something going on my end. I feel really useless. My utter interest appears as apathy because I can't seem to give the right responses anymore. It's getting worse.
The people I value don't get anything from me anymore. I appear probably socially exclusive and uninterested most of the time when my responses are flat. I too am rather disgusted at myself. I can't even fully give what others deserve because of my own shortcomings.
The new people I meet... Well... They can't be disappointed because they'll have that initial impression of me right at the moment we meet and assume it'll always be like that.
I'm having such difficulty expressing these days. It hurts to give the wrong impression and it hurts not to be able to explain what you truly feel. It's sad because it's something I can't bring up. Another thing is that recently it's either I'm trying to hard or I'm not trying at all; I wonder why I'm even trying in the first place. It never was a question of trying, it was more of being.
With all this comes a new and profound sense of emptiness. Why don't I have anything to say when I want to say so much? Everyday I go online but I hide behind a busy status that may or may not even have reason. After all this I feel like I've been stripped of what I've tried to cloak myself with lately and revealed that I am just a being with the intention of everything but in reality has nothing to give. Just flat. dreary. void. I don't even know if it's still me.
Please help me salvage what I have left...
~eri