A Jazz Lifestyle
ok this is going to be quick because im about to go bake brownies. yay! anyway, i came home two days ago and it's so weird. i don't really feel like i live here any more, but i dont really feel like a guest either. its odd. and the unpacking has been odd. of course everything has had to be sped up because im leaving in four (!!!) days to go to london and by the time i leav ei have to be entirely ready to live at Montreat this summer too. (woo!) anyway, im so incredibly excited!
but the point of all of this was to say that this year has been absolutely awesome. i could not have asked for more in any freshman year of college, and it's just great. ive met some good people and ive learned some good stuff and ive found out a lot about myself and about other people and im so excited to know more. and its so so scary at the same time. i feel the most alone that i have in a really long time. and somehow it feels good. ive always been independent, so i guess this is my chance really. not saying that some things arent sad, because they are. i miss him, and terribly so sometimes. but i think we'll be ok. i still love him, and i have to figure out how that's going to work because that's now a shadow i ever want to hold over anyones head in the future, but i cant just stop loving him, it doesnt work that way. but because i have yet to firgure out how it does, infact, work, i suppose i will just have to improvise for a while. kinda like jazz. coul be fun.
but thank you so much to everyone who has made this year so totally awesome. i can't imagine it without any of you. ::muah!:: anyway, going to brownies now. will return later. much love.
but the point of all of this was to say that this year has been absolutely awesome. i could not have asked for more in any freshman year of college, and it's just great. ive met some good people and ive learned some good stuff and ive found out a lot about myself and about other people and im so excited to know more. and its so so scary at the same time. i feel the most alone that i have in a really long time. and somehow it feels good. ive always been independent, so i guess this is my chance really. not saying that some things arent sad, because they are. i miss him, and terribly so sometimes. but i think we'll be ok. i still love him, and i have to figure out how that's going to work because that's now a shadow i ever want to hold over anyones head in the future, but i cant just stop loving him, it doesnt work that way. but because i have yet to firgure out how it does, infact, work, i suppose i will just have to improvise for a while. kinda like jazz. coul be fun.
but thank you so much to everyone who has made this year so totally awesome. i can't imagine it without any of you. ::muah!:: anyway, going to brownies now. will return later. much love.