pre-post modern homesick blues
the azzberrri tree, sir?
yes son... the azzberri tree.
MY GRANDMOTHA HAD THE BIGGEST AZZBERRI TREE IN TOWN! EVERY SUNDAY DURING THE SUMMER SHE'D MAKE THE BEST DAMN NAZZBERRI PIE YA EVER HAD IN YOUR LIFE!
old man schickelgruber loved his azzberri tree... he used the sap extract to heal cuts and snake bites.
ok, i get it, you need an azzberri seed to get a nazberry, i GET IT, it's fucking STUPID!
see, pairps is actually funny, like... first of all you - picture the word "pairps", and that's just funny as hell. and then you picture fuckin nathan's dad and then THAT'S hilarious. and then delaney studying in a library and going on archaeological expiditions to the middle east, that's just... how do you not find that funny?
and then pairps appears to him, floating with light around him singing like martin gore... shit!
a synopsis of chili's, for your enjoyment (your is lebanese colloquial arabic for "my"):
walk in, usual daps and sarcastic comments regarding my glaring behavioral problems, maybe a hug or two with empty "for the hell of it" flirting that i can't really get mad at cuz i do it too, stumble through a traffic jam of random 860ers after looking at the clock knowing damn well i'm going out back for a bogie regardless of how late i might be, smoke a bogie out back and pace, try and fix my hair in the window mirror thing, storm back in, wash my hands, more daps/dubious flirting, act uninterested in these very attractive people, perhaps i can stare at the disgustingly delicious rack on the new disgustingly young (her january birthday fucks the constitution in the ass) but disgustingly cute blonde chick who, like many of the chili's ilk, seems to have days marked in her hypothetical planner regarding when she'll flirt with me. almost ceaselessly every night i'll have at least two conversations about 80's and 90's music, generally hip-hop and rock, depending on the conversee, who almost invariably is a male. the ratio of hispanics to whites in the kitchen is about 10 to 1, which is great cuz i get to hear white chicks holler spanish obscenities they learned from a particularly laid-back high school language teacher thinking they're so hip. a lotta massages go on at the to-go expo line. i have no choice but to act ridiculous and make obnoxious but really clever remarks at people all night, including bizarre facial expressions to keeop the monotony of the "hey, i just saw you two minutes ago but we haven't talked all night, hi" head nod at bay. it's become expected of me to walk around with a scowl and nothing nice to say if you're lucky at some point on a given evening, to the point where i have to point out to people when i go for a while without letting my temper flare up. i usually leave filthy and with two to-go cups of water, cuz hey, it's free water.
ok, i really just wanted to mention the little blonde chick cuz... DAMN.
in keeping with the hitler theme, i should mention i caught a documentary on prophecies supposedly fortelling his rise to power centuries earlier, and after carefully reviewing the footage, i've decided that hitler is indeed funny looking.
fucking laugh riot - look at the fuckin guy, what an up-tight douche. and then just the word hiter, too... muthafucka shoulda stuck with painting.
what a strange dichotomy, laying in bed drinking a 40 and watching the history channel. hrmm.
yes son... the azzberri tree.
MY GRANDMOTHA HAD THE BIGGEST AZZBERRI TREE IN TOWN! EVERY SUNDAY DURING THE SUMMER SHE'D MAKE THE BEST DAMN NAZZBERRI PIE YA EVER HAD IN YOUR LIFE!
old man schickelgruber loved his azzberri tree... he used the sap extract to heal cuts and snake bites.
ok, i get it, you need an azzberri seed to get a nazberry, i GET IT, it's fucking STUPID!
see, pairps is actually funny, like... first of all you - picture the word "pairps", and that's just funny as hell. and then you picture fuckin nathan's dad and then THAT'S hilarious. and then delaney studying in a library and going on archaeological expiditions to the middle east, that's just... how do you not find that funny?
and then pairps appears to him, floating with light around him singing like martin gore... shit!
a synopsis of chili's, for your enjoyment (your is lebanese colloquial arabic for "my"):
walk in, usual daps and sarcastic comments regarding my glaring behavioral problems, maybe a hug or two with empty "for the hell of it" flirting that i can't really get mad at cuz i do it too, stumble through a traffic jam of random 860ers after looking at the clock knowing damn well i'm going out back for a bogie regardless of how late i might be, smoke a bogie out back and pace, try and fix my hair in the window mirror thing, storm back in, wash my hands, more daps/dubious flirting, act uninterested in these very attractive people, perhaps i can stare at the disgustingly delicious rack on the new disgustingly young (her january birthday fucks the constitution in the ass) but disgustingly cute blonde chick who, like many of the chili's ilk, seems to have days marked in her hypothetical planner regarding when she'll flirt with me. almost ceaselessly every night i'll have at least two conversations about 80's and 90's music, generally hip-hop and rock, depending on the conversee, who almost invariably is a male. the ratio of hispanics to whites in the kitchen is about 10 to 1, which is great cuz i get to hear white chicks holler spanish obscenities they learned from a particularly laid-back high school language teacher thinking they're so hip. a lotta massages go on at the to-go expo line. i have no choice but to act ridiculous and make obnoxious but really clever remarks at people all night, including bizarre facial expressions to keeop the monotony of the "hey, i just saw you two minutes ago but we haven't talked all night, hi" head nod at bay. it's become expected of me to walk around with a scowl and nothing nice to say if you're lucky at some point on a given evening, to the point where i have to point out to people when i go for a while without letting my temper flare up. i usually leave filthy and with two to-go cups of water, cuz hey, it's free water.
ok, i really just wanted to mention the little blonde chick cuz... DAMN.
in keeping with the hitler theme, i should mention i caught a documentary on prophecies supposedly fortelling his rise to power centuries earlier, and after carefully reviewing the footage, i've decided that hitler is indeed funny looking.
fucking laugh riot - look at the fuckin guy, what an up-tight douche. and then just the word hiter, too... muthafucka shoulda stuck with painting.
what a strange dichotomy, laying in bed drinking a 40 and watching the history channel. hrmm.