...the inevitable breakdown...
So, I went to the garage yesterday and saw my car for the first time since the accident. It was weird. Kinda cool, in the sense that it was so bad and I was in it and survived. The manager looked at me, looked at the car and he was like, "YOU were the one in THAT car? I was expecting a broken arm or something at least. You're a very lucky girl!" Anyway, I looked through the car for some things the lady from the first garage may not have found and sent me. Got my sandals back, plus one sandal that's missing its buddy- boo :( -and this book thing that Jena and I got from the VMA's. It was kinda eerie looking in the car. There was blood all over the roof (since it landed upside down) and it was also spattered all over the place. There was bloody hair stuck on things and glass everywhere. It was insane.
I was fine after that. Drove back to Miami, dropped off my film, got gas... then I started driving behind a black Explorer. I'd seen black Explorers since the accident - I'd even seen the exact kind I had, which was a Sport- but for some reason I just got really upset. I thought about when I first got the car and how everything panned out.
The truth is, since the accident everyone has been telling me how lucky I am. I should be dead, I could be way more hurt, it could have been so much worse in so many ways. On top of that, I've also looked at the whole situation and tried to make the best of it. I can't turn back the clock, so why dwell on everything that happened? Then all of a sudden, everything hit me like a ton of bricks. I broke down and started crying hysterically. For the first time since the night of the accident, I cried. I felt sorry for myself. I hate that I can't use either of my hands, I hate that I have to maneuver my hair around areas where I've been scalped, I hate that I'm tense when I drive now, I hate that it set me back in school, I hate that I might have to have reconstructive surgery, I hate everything about this. I'm allowed to feel sorry for myself for five minutes. Okay - I'm lucky...but I'm also really unlucky. I just haven't let myself get upset about this until last night. I think I really needed it, though.
Front of the car
Looking in from driver's side window - plus blood spattered all over the console and driver's seat
Passenger side (the door is being held on by the tightly wrapped seatbelt inside)
Front passenger side
Close up on the driver's side window
Bloody moonroof - you can see where my hand slid as I crawled out of the car
Close up on the bloody moonroof and ceiling - plus a chunk of my hair... lovely
Looking in from passenger side window
Blood spattered on the seat, plus a bloody chunk of hair in the crack of the seat
View of driver's side
Inside the car
Close up on the blood spatter
View of the bloody roof of the car from the passenger side