wow just wow
i met up with my ex last night - yeah too soon - i know. it was a hope i guess to see if it could be recovered - yes there are those that will go through me like a knife through butter - Leah and me did have some thing and well like the saying goes you only realise what you have when it gone - well if it gone i guess you have options like look to see where its gone - look to replace it never easy to do - or try not to think about it - that ones only possible if you have a delete button for your mind.
the only thing i have found so far to take my mind off stuff is a tv series called life but im hammering through that quite fast - i spent last night chatting to leah and catching up but both of us handled it badly and i felt that a public location was a bad place to break down - especially when your in locations that your known in - we went back to mine and continued to talk stuff over which involved hugging crying and all that jazz - she even eventually fell a sleep on my shoulder - i cant think of any thing out side family death that was as hard to handle - i realise that if there is not a chance at reconsoling that i'm not that strong im not strong enough to help her through this im not a rock and my strength went completely last night - it ripped any walls down i had left - i dont want to loose her but i already have and thats the first step to getting over this i know but it was not a step i wanted to take - and i wish i didnt have too - she was ... she is a fantastic girl it just took too long to realise
the only thing i have found so far to take my mind off stuff is a tv series called life but im hammering through that quite fast - i spent last night chatting to leah and catching up but both of us handled it badly and i felt that a public location was a bad place to break down - especially when your in locations that your known in - we went back to mine and continued to talk stuff over which involved hugging crying and all that jazz - she even eventually fell a sleep on my shoulder - i cant think of any thing out side family death that was as hard to handle - i realise that if there is not a chance at reconsoling that i'm not that strong im not strong enough to help her through this im not a rock and my strength went completely last night - it ripped any walls down i had left - i dont want to loose her but i already have and thats the first step to getting over this i know but it was not a step i wanted to take - and i wish i didnt have too - she was ... she is a fantastic girl it just took too long to realise