Woe is fuckin me.
ok so here are somethings that are going on in my life
Family-
My dad is in the hospital again. Congestive heart failure, and his kidneys are only functioning at 30%. He is doing somewhat better and they have cut back his morphine...we will have to wait and see but I am expecting a call any day telling me i need to come home.
Work-
I was up for a new position. I didn't get it. I also made a huge payroll error (that was caught before payroll was processed) that may end up getting me fired. They haven't decided yet..it has been a week of waiting to see. It is killing me. They are at a point that we have to finish this ramp and they are hiring anyone..I mean ANYONE that applies. If they have never touched a computer before, never used the internet or are just plain stupid..they will hire them but they expect me to train them in the same amount of time and still turn out great agents that can trouble shoot internet connection and pc issues. WHAT THE FUCK??
Health-
I have been really sick. My doctor said it was allergies but i have had fever, congestion, headaches, sore throat, ear ache and all around feel like shit. I know this will get better it's jut a matter of time.
Love-
I met a girl a little over a month ago. She is amazing..we have had one helluva
month. Now it's over. We both have commitment issues but I guess hers run deeper than mine. We did the typical lesbian rush into it with you eyes closed bullshit. I care about her a lot and I hope we can stay friends. I just have so much going on otherwise that I can't focus on a relationship right now. I think it's the same for her. She just lost her job and her best friend and mother are giving her shit about me. It's just too much. Sometimes I think I will be alone forever. Not because of this but because I don't know if I want to work hard enough to make a relationship be what it is supposed to be. My heart hurts right now...bad.
I miss Susan. She is having such a hard time and I know she needs me...it kills me. Plus every single time i hear "lips of an angel" by hinder, I think of her. It is our situation completely. We never let go...and probably never will. She told me yesterday she wished we could work it out. I do too but I know we can't.
Overall-
I feel like I have lost who AJ is. I know who ROCKSTAR AJ is...and I know what she does and how she treats people. But the soft center of this shell..that's where the real AJ lives..but now I can't seem to get to her. No one can. Jayme thinks she did..maybe she did. I just can't seem to turn this hard, bitter, cold AJ off.
Guys you gotta help me..I am losing it a little. Things are getting a little overwhelming and I can't show that to the people closest to me. It would scare them.
Family-
My dad is in the hospital again. Congestive heart failure, and his kidneys are only functioning at 30%. He is doing somewhat better and they have cut back his morphine...we will have to wait and see but I am expecting a call any day telling me i need to come home.
Work-
I was up for a new position. I didn't get it. I also made a huge payroll error (that was caught before payroll was processed) that may end up getting me fired. They haven't decided yet..it has been a week of waiting to see. It is killing me. They are at a point that we have to finish this ramp and they are hiring anyone..I mean ANYONE that applies. If they have never touched a computer before, never used the internet or are just plain stupid..they will hire them but they expect me to train them in the same amount of time and still turn out great agents that can trouble shoot internet connection and pc issues. WHAT THE FUCK??
Health-
I have been really sick. My doctor said it was allergies but i have had fever, congestion, headaches, sore throat, ear ache and all around feel like shit. I know this will get better it's jut a matter of time.
Love-
I met a girl a little over a month ago. She is amazing..we have had one helluva
month. Now it's over. We both have commitment issues but I guess hers run deeper than mine. We did the typical lesbian rush into it with you eyes closed bullshit. I care about her a lot and I hope we can stay friends. I just have so much going on otherwise that I can't focus on a relationship right now. I think it's the same for her. She just lost her job and her best friend and mother are giving her shit about me. It's just too much. Sometimes I think I will be alone forever. Not because of this but because I don't know if I want to work hard enough to make a relationship be what it is supposed to be. My heart hurts right now...bad.
I miss Susan. She is having such a hard time and I know she needs me...it kills me. Plus every single time i hear "lips of an angel" by hinder, I think of her. It is our situation completely. We never let go...and probably never will. She told me yesterday she wished we could work it out. I do too but I know we can't.
Overall-
I feel like I have lost who AJ is. I know who ROCKSTAR AJ is...and I know what she does and how she treats people. But the soft center of this shell..that's where the real AJ lives..but now I can't seem to get to her. No one can. Jayme thinks she did..maybe she did. I just can't seem to turn this hard, bitter, cold AJ off.
Guys you gotta help me..I am losing it a little. Things are getting a little overwhelming and I can't show that to the people closest to me. It would scare them.